13-step guide to writing a valuable escort review

Potential clients reference escort reviews as they prepare to schedule encounters. Review sites such as The Erotic Review and Naughty Reviews feature critiques of area escorts from their clients and can provide a wealth of information. However, some of these reviews are plain horrible: they lack pertinent information or are difficult to read due to lengthiness, superfluous details and assertions that don’t belong in credible assessments. When you decide to leave a review for an escort (whether she’s your regular gal or a new one you’ve seen for the first time), it’s important to do the system justice by providing a clear, concise and relevant commentary for use by other potential clients.

Unless you’re an experienced hobbyist, leaving a review may seem like a foreign concept. However, consider any review you may have provided online for products you’ve purchased. Your intent was to be direct and inform other prospective buyers about your experience with the product. That’s, in a nutshell, what your escort review should include. Use these 13 tips to provide excellent escort reviews:

  1. Ensure the information you provide won’t infer anything illegal about the encounter. As you’re writing your analysis, remember that the concept of sex for money is illegal in the United States and in various locations throughout the world. Anything in your review that would lead someone (i.e. law enforcement) to believe that you paid for sexual intimacies can incriminate both you and your escort in criminal activities. And it would be lying. Your escort charged you for her time. She is a classy, fun woman and makes her living through charging gentlemen to spend time with her. Be aware of how the phrasing of your review may be interpreted. Don’t feel that the disclaimer stating that reviews are simply creative writing submissions from site users will alleviate risks of incrimination. Take care of the wording in your review to make sure yourself and the escort you are reviewing stay unharmed. Some reviewers present their reports of an encounter as a dream they happened to have the other day.
  2. Mention your escort’s appearance and how it matched the description in the marketing material. Provide information to let a reader know that an escort did or did not “measure up” to the measurements she listed on her ad. If she claimed to be 36-24-36 and she easily outweighed you by 20 pounds, she is probably misrepresenting herself. However, if she fairly closely matched her description, including eye color, hair hue, body type, skin color and any other detailed physical attributes, it’s safe to give your approval. Specify whether the escort’s pictures were real. Often, an escort will show up looking much better or worse than her pictures on her profile. Indicate to a reader how accurate the pictures are and if what you see is what you actually get. Compare the biography she listed with how she seemed during an encounter. Did she describe herself as friendly, and was she? Did her intelligence seem to match up with the information she provided for herself? One other aspect to include about an escort’s appearance is to indicate whether or not her attire was suited to the type of escort she branded herself as. If she’s a girl-next-door type, her clothing should match that illusion. If she indicates that she’s sophisticated and classy, her clothing should be high-end, professional looking. If her “look” didn’t match her portrayal, readers should know before they book an encounter with her.
  3. Time is important when you’re setting up an encounter. Because an escort charges for her time, she should be punctual and provide the entire amount of time agreed upon. Readers need to know if an escort showed up on time (or late) and if she was a clock watcher. (If she was late, it’s important to verify whether you got the full amount of time or only the remaining minutes of the scheduled tryst.) Trying to end a session early is bad, and you should call out any escort who does this in your review. Provide details about how your escort managed the time, whether she seemed overly concerned with deadlines and the quality of the time you spent together. If your escort squandered away the time in the bathroom, on her phone or with small talk, these are concerns you should address in your review. Other would-be clients may be interested in how time is spent during an encounter.
  4. Give details about the legitimacy of your escort. Legitimate escorts provide good service, as promised beforehand. If you feel that your escort attempted to give you the runaround, scammed you or didn’t live up to her promises, you should indicate this in your review of the encounter. Upon arrival, an escort should be prepared to follow through with things as planned, barring any unforeseen circumstances. Additionally, any escort who attempts to charge you more for the encounter than you and she agreed upon prior to meeting in person should receive a negative review. Changing the rate suddenly is an inconsistent and unprofessional business practice that no other client will appreciate. Any escort who attempts to “upsell” you by charging more for additional sexual services is engaging in prostitution, and you should deny her requests. If there was a bait-and-switch, mention this, too. However, as you discuss how she dealt with her rates, avoid providing details about her actual fees. Never indicate that she charged you $150 per hour, or whatever the rate actually was. If she provided you with a discount (or didn’t, for that matter), it’s discourteous to mention her rate. If she chooses to change it in the future, it could cause her problems.
  5. Provide examples about any personalization your escort injected into the encounter. If you requested anything special for an encounter, give your escort praise for efforts she took to fulfill your wishes. From providing special role-playing costumes to baking a favorite treat, escorts sometimes cater to their clients in ways that make them stand out from others. Give props for anything your escort does that required special preparation, planning ahead or exploring a new experience. Indicate how your escort made your encounter a unique adventure, and elaborate about ways that she makes you feel that she is totally focused on you. Conversely, if your escort made you feel that your experience was like every other encounter she has with clients — boring, predictable, trite and repetitive — expound on this situation, too. Perhaps, examples about her incall may provide insight about the personalization that your escort provides to clients through the availability of sex toys, food and drink and other comforts of home. (The attention that she gives to her incall could also be addressed here, along with its cleanliness and security.)
  6. Don’t generalize: your experience with the escort is yours only, others may or may not be able to replicate it. If you love small talk and she doesn’t, don’t call her communication skills poor – say that she prefers a meaningful conversation.

    Communication is an important aspect of an escort review. Scheduling an encounter is one of the most difficult aspects of the escort/client relationship, especially in the beginning. Indicate in your review how easy it was to get in contact with your escort, her skill at communicating well and concisely, whether she returned phone calls and messages and how clear her directions were. Briefly describe any misunderstandings or difficulties you had communicating with her. Additionally, it’s important to give insight as to what her conversational skills are like in person. Did she attempt post-encounter contact with you; were her attempts at further contact welcome or disruptive? Specify all pertinent information to readers.

  7. Address your escort’s screening process, as you understand it. It helps prospective clients know what to expect from an escort’s screening process when you provide details about your experience. Indicate details about how extensive or intrusive an escort’s screening process is by including examples of questions she asked you. If anything seemed outrageous about her inquiries, explicitly list it in your review. Give an estimate about the amount of time it took for her to screen you and provide judgment about whether the process seemed complete or lacking. It’s important to clients, too, that an escort has a secure screening process as a way to ensure discretion and safety.
  8. Express whether you felt safe with her. Safety is important as two considerations: 1) Sexual health and 2) Personal security. If your escort appeared clean and hygienic, that’s something to specify. Additionally, if she took precautions to ensure safe sex for both you and her, it indicates she is aware of and probably free of STDs and other infections. Additionally, provide details about any other risky behaviors you witnessed from your escort like drug use, alcohol abuse or violence. If your escort directed you to her incall in a sketchy neighborhood, advise other potential clients about your security worries due to location. Safety is a concern for both you and your escort, so it’s a pertinent and worthy thing to address in a review.
  9. Recommend or dissuade fellow hobbyists from booking an encounter with an escort. Based on your experience, provide details about whether you think a client would benefit from seeing this escort. Perhaps, think of pros and cons to an encounter with her, or just give a simple statement about your advice concerning her. Avoid simply saying you recommend or discourage contacting her — list your reasons.
  10. Always tell the truth. Embellishment is fun, and the review sites DO say the reviews are creative writing submissions, however, it doesn’t do anybody any good to provide false accounts or over-the-top details. Many reviewers provide false criticisms out of spite, revenge or dislike. If an escort has done you wrong, indicate this in a review, without providing fake facts. If site administrators discover that you’re lying through your reviews, they will deactivate your account and remove all of your reviews, often banning you for life.
  11. Don’t trade good reviews for a discount (or a freebie) with an escort. Remember that an escort is doing her job when she sees you for an encounter. Don’t demean her abilities or value by bartering with her for a good review. As a gentleman and a client she might like to see again, provide an honest review in exchange for nothing in return. Also, don’t taint an otherwise truthful review with the promise of providing an excellent critique for mediocre services. Promising to provide a good review could backfire on you; she might be a terrible escort and you’ve obligated yourself to giving her stellar feedback. This may discredit you and your other reviews if readers feel your reviews are inaccurate.
  12. Respect the review process. Clients and escorts, alike, appreciate and benefit from the review process by using these real-life accounts as referrals and recommendations. If you provide false reviews, embellished analysis or overly-detailed accounts, the review process is compromised and fails to work as designed. It is set up to function as concise, accurate descriptions of encounters as a way to link escorts and clients. The system provides insight as to what it’s like to book an encounter with an escort and what a client can expect. If you choose to provide reviews that don’t suit the system’s needs, you have effectively wasted your time, helping nobody. And, remember to be to-the-point. Fellow clients don’t want to read a book to learn about an escort. Provide short, true descriptions for easy reading.
  13. Reread your review for errors and anything that could cause you or your escort trouble. Often, reviewers get carried away and include information that may cause an escort trouble with other clients, get them both in trouble with the law or provide opposite results than those intended. Providing rate, service or time details may create issues for an escort who provided you with a special deal. Other clients may feel shorted or unappreciated if they discover a particular escort didn’t shower them with the same special treatment or charged them more. If your review suggests anything illegal occurred, law enforcement could track both of you down. And, forgetting a word here and there could cause an escort to get a bad review. For example, instead of saying, “She did NOT watch the clock or try to short me on time”, you forgot to type in the “NOT”. This would lead a reader to think she was a clock watcher and attempted to leave early, which is untrue. Edit your review for accuracy and other details.

An escort review can be a very powerful thing. While prospective clients are cautioned from reading them too closely, because they are, after all, opinions, these commentaries also provide valuable insight to closed-door experiences about escorts clients may consider calling for a session. When you take time to write up an escort review, provide accurate details, be concise and tell the truth.