15 ways adult entertainers’ work spills into their “real” lives

As an adult industry actor, you assume that there is no way ever that your professional life will cross over into your personal one. Obviously, what you do as a services provider is much, much different than your role as a wife, mother or daughter, right? That’s pretty true, but certain aspects of your life do cross over and affect your day-to-day life. Consider the following ways that your career impacts your “real” life:

  1. Your health: Your sexual health is largely affected by how you conduct yourself professionally, especially if you engage in intimacy with your clients. Using condoms and other protection will help you stay sexually healthy, with lower risks of contracting diseases or infections. Getting regular check-ups is important, regardless of your career, but it’s going to be even more important that you get more frequent examinations when you’re facing a higher risk of exposure to sexual infections. So, in short, you’re going to have to spend more time in the doctor’s office. And if you contract an STD or STI, it may be with you for the rest of your life, causing you issues in future relationships. Additionally, you may face issues with other aspects of your health. For instance, you are exposed to clients and customers who have colds and the flu, but insist on seeing you anyways. You may find yourself sicker, more often, just due to exposure to everyone’s germs.
  2. Privacy concerns: Your privacy is always of importance, but when you’re an adult industry entertainer or services provider, you have even more reasons to feel that discretion is essential. Even when your friends and family members know what you do for a living, you may not want your private identity associated with your provider one for several reasons. The first reason is, obviously, safety. There are some real weirdos out there who have been known to stalk and bother their favorite stars, escorts, etc. Many of these are harmless, while bothersome; but, some issue threats and are frightening. When these clients cross the line into your personal life, it’s not a laughing matter. Secondly, you don’t want your professional identity exposed to the entire world, because you value your privacy. Society is often pretty judgmental if they think that you are involved in a scandalous world. And, just the knowledge of your career choice may attract a lot of unwanted attention your way, both good and bad. It’s best to remain anonymous, which is often a challenge when your worlds collide.
  3. Relationship issues: It’s a constant worry about how your professional career will impact your personal relationships. Just like any career, people may feel like you prioritize your work over your personal friendships and family interactions. But, it goes deeper than that. People may feel that you’ve betrayed them by keeping things secret from them. They may feel as though you’ve cheated on them by engaging in intimacy or other romantic activities with others. Children may think that you are living a double standard, compared to what you’ve taught them about sex and relationships. Generally, it may weigh on all of your relationships, because people may feel like they don’t really know you or anything about your world. It can put a wedge in your friendships. Furthermore, it may make romantic interactions in the future extremely complicated.
  4. Lies permeate all levels of life: When you choose to keep your professional life secret, you make the conscious decision to lie to family and friends. You will have to create cover stories about your work, colleagues in the industry and scheduling. Once you start lying about what you do professionally, it’s much easier to lie about other things. Maybe you don’t want to come clean about how much you spent on a new outfit, where you went for a drink or why it took you so long to get home…it’s pretty easy to tell a fib. You may not want to go to an event or party, so another lie won’t matter, especially compared to the number of fibs you tell for your career. Your ability to lie improves, your conscious numbs to it, and it becomes a part of your everyday world. OR — if lying doesn’t begin to come easily to you, it eats you up inside and you judge yourself harshly over it. Either way, it can be an ugly scenario.
  5. Recognition incidents: Going to the grocery store or a community event isn’t usually cause for worry, but it can be if you happen to run into one of your clients or customers. Of course, you don’t want to be recognized. It’s tempting to run in the opposite direction and hide. But, remember that if you entertain in the same community where you live, it’s a definite possibility you will encounter people you know through your career. Often, this client is with his friends or family members and prefers not to be recognized, just like you. It’s pretty common for your professional life and personal one to intermix, when you work in a “normal” career. But, it’s not customary that the person you bump into has seen you naked. Talk about awkward! It may be uncomfortable, but if you don’t make a big deal out of it, the incident will probably go by unnoticed by anyone else. It can be your little secret.
  6. Scheduling challenges: People with “normal” jobs work during the daytime hours, mostly. From 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., they are slaving away at their work. However, your career requires you to be on call during hours that are different. You may work more at night, afternoons and evening, only on weekends…you name it. Due to your varying schedule, it may be difficult to plan activities or attend events where your presence is required. Sporting activities may be hard to make it to, as they occur during prime performance periods. Family dinners or events may require you to adjust your schedule in order to make them. Even though your career is your own and you’re your own boss, it’s still going to be a task to ensure that your schedule meshes with your personal life. There will be times your work schedule bleeds over into your personal life… and you’re going to have to make choices and set priorities.
  7. Outlook/perception adjustments: As with any career where you’re exposed to new things, it’s expected to change your perception. But, transitioning into an adult industry career will, more than likely, cause you to be much more open minded. Your concept of right/wrong, black/white, etc. which change drastically. Your opinions about what deviance is may vary more differently than ever before. Having a personal connection to people who allow you to see them at their most vulnerable and darkest moments will provide you with a less defined view of acceptable vs. unacceptable behaviors. Your views on sex, life, love, politics and life, in general, may be skewed so much, that you’re barely the same person. Your whole belief system may change, even if your foundation seemed firmly planted. This is one of the most impactful ways your profession will permeate your personal life.
  8. Personal pastimes shift: Before you started in your adult entertainment services career, you may have liked going out, drinking and dancing with your friends. The bar or club may have been exciting and fun. But, now, your favorite pastimes have shifted to enjoying a quieter scene. Many adult services providers report that after entertaining professionally, they enjoy more down time in their personal lives. They like to engage in one-on-one activities, at home. Instead of going out on the town, they want to snuggle up with a movie and delivery pizza. You may not enjoy the high-intensity events you once loved. You’re more about settling in and enjoying solitude or quiet. You don’t’ want to have to socialize. Just hanging out is good enough for you. It’s amazing how your career where you are required to please others will make you much more content to avoid activities where anything more than passing the popcorn is expected of you.
  9. Gain knowledge/skills: In your professional career, it’s pretty possible that you may learn some new traits in order to manage your business. Whether you’ve learned bookkeeping tricks, marketing tips or other skills that enable you to run a successful career as an adult services provider, it’s conceivable that these abilities will carry over to your personal life. For instance, if you’ve learned photography skills for your marketing photos, you can apply that knowledge to pictures you take of your family and children. If you’ve learned budgeting skills, that will carry over into your personal finance, too. Any knowledge you’ve gained will transfer directly to parts of your personal life. These aspects cross over perfectly.
  10. Increased confidence: Many women go through life lacking confidence and self esteem. But, as you’re told a thousand times weekly by clients and customers that you’re beautiful, it’s easy to start believing it. Gaining a self-assuredness that you’re smart, sexy, capable and worth spending time with is of immeasurable worth. You will carry yourself differently, even in your personal life, when you feel confident in your looks and abilities. You may take risks and try new things, that you wouldn’t have done previously. You may establish goals for your personal life, that you never thought possible before. Having an increased sense of self worth will enable you to seek relationships of value and experiences that will enhance other aspects of your life. It’s possible that you will engage in new levels of success and happiness, due to how confident you’ve grown in your career. It will open up a whole new world for you, both professionally and personally.
  11. Decreased tolerance: There is a strong possibility that, after dealing with timewasters and duds all day in your career, you will have much less tolerance for excuses and BS in your personal life. You’re apt to call people out for making up reasons why they can’t live up to expectations. You will get tired of waiting on people who are late or do things slowly. And, you may grow impatient with people who waste your time in your “real” life. Relationships that are going nowhere may be nipped in the bud quickly. You will end “friendships” which are not two-way relationships. And, you will end situations where you can see you’re getting the short end of the stick. You won’t allow others around you to be taken advantage of, nor will you laugh at jokes or tricks at people’s expense. Your ability to look past this kind of behavior in others is low. People may think that you have grown cold or judgmental. But, you’re simply not going to waste time — which is a direct result of your behavior in your career.
  12. Different friends/network/circle: It’s true that in any career, you may gain new friends. And, these work friends may enter into your personal circle. Prior to entertaining into the adult entertainment industry, you’d have never thought you’d be buddies with exotic dancers, porn stars or escorts. But, they may very well become your BFFs. And, while your other friends are still important to you, they may not know the real you, anymore. They don’t know that you walk around in stilettos all night and dance to “Wild Thing” on stage. It’s easier to be the “true” you with them, because you don’t have to keep any secrets. They know who you are and don’t judge you. In the meanwhile, you’re afraid that your old friends and acquaintances wouldn’t understand your life. So, distancing yourself from them is easy and common.
  13. Adult activities don’t apply to your life: You’ve possibly learned some new tricks in the bed room. Or, maybe you’ve discovered some things that could spice up your love life. If you’ve been in a romantic relationship for some time, your new ideas may not fly with your spouse or significant other. A new sex swing or role playing ideas may not jive with your current intimacy style with your partner. And, if you hook up with new partners, they may not be as open-minded as you’ve become. Be a bit weary of introducing your wilder experiences in your personal bedroom. While it may sound like a lot of fun, it may scare off your more conservative bedmates. However, introducing little things — like a new set of lingerie or a few dance moves — into your bedroom may be just the ticket to enhance your love life.
  14. Fashion sense: Because your career is based a lot on your appearance, you may have learned a lot about how to enhance your looks. New styles of clothing that are more flattering to your figure, new hairdos and make-up techniques and the way you carry yourself may carry over into your personal world. You could find yourself wearing high heels more often. Or, you might keep your hair highlighted more frequently than before you became an adult services provider. It’s likely that you pay more attention to your appearance, generally, than you did before. In fact, you may have even changed your look, entirely.
  15. Stress: Even though being your own boss and making more money should reduce the amount of stress in your life, you’re still going to worry about something. As an adult services provider, you will be concerned over how many clients you have, scheduling everyone efficiently and ensuring that you background check everyone effectively. Some clients will create awful experiences, that will cause you stress and worry long afterwards. Others will sob on your shoulder, and you may take their sorrow home with you. You may worry incessantly how your kids will handle knowing what you do for a living. Or, stress over divulging your career choice to your new romantic interest. Your career may cause you immeasurable stress personally.