It is not exactly a secret why men see escorts. Or is it? At the primary level, despite assorted legal fictions, men see escorts for intimate encounters and many escorts have a good business skipping the games and getting right down to business. However, for an escort who wants to grow her business and enhance her rates, a deeper understanding of the motivations of her clients can make her the escort of choice.
by Hannah Jay
One thing which really successful escorts learn early in their careers is that each clients, once you get past the superficial, is an individual with a real personality and real needs. To go beyond simple service provision, an escort learns to recognize and cater to her clients as unique individuals. Getting this right often leads to many return engagements and a rapidly growing list of regulars.
Escorts also learn that their clients may not be comfortable discussing their actual needs. Girls who can intuit what their clients are looking for can do very well. Of course, any given client may be coming to see an escort for a set of reasons many of which he is either unaware of, or unwilling to talk about. If an escort can meet even some of those unspoken needs, she will quickly discover just how grateful her clients can be.
Many men are lonely. They may be married, they may have friends, business acquaintances and full on social lives. But, at root, they feel isolated and alone. The reasons for this are complicated but often come down to the fact that men have to meet many expectations which are often at odds with who they actually are.
A man seeing an escort is outside his regular world of expectations. Instead of having to live up to his carefully constructed self-image, he is essentially in a neutral zone with another person who he thinks, he hopes correctly, he can trust. Or, if not trust, then rely on a degree of confidentiality and anonymity to protect him.
The entire idea of being alone in a crowd pretty much covers how some men experience loneliness.
For an escort, spotting the lonely client is not terrifically difficult. Signs include wanting to talk as much as possible and trying to connect with the escort at a personal level. Some girls are uncomfortable with this degree of intimacy, but if you can handle it, a lonely client can easily become a no-worries regular.
Men are wired to seek new adventures. There is plenty of debate as to whether or not they are wired against sexual fidelity, but the fact that escorts can make a good living suggests that at least some men love to stray.
For a married man, or a man with a steady girlfriend, the temptations of an affair have to be tempered with the reality of the divorce court and a sensible desire to avoid a lot of drama. Enter the escort.
Alternatively, a client may not be so interested in cheating so much as he is interested in trying out “new things”. With the rise of the internet, it is very easy for men to discover that there is more to sex than the missionary position.
In both cases, escorts are a way to experiment without causing damage to a client’s primary relationship.
When a client emphasizes discretion and confidentiality, that is a pretty strong hint that he’s stepping out on his wife or girlfriend. Providing a safe, confidential, discreet encounter is what escorts do best. If your client is a man experimenting with infidelity, it is an obvious move to point out to him the advantages of becoming a regular. Being able to book dates without having to go through the screening process all over again is a huge plus for the busy or nervous client.
“New things” covers a multitude of sins, and a client who is interested in trying something out of the ordinary may mention it during the booking call. As an astute escort, you do not discuss sexual specifics on the telephone, but you will get the general scope of his desires. What may be out of the ordinary for a client, may very well be very ordinary indeed for an experienced escort. However, it is always a wise idea to take a few minutes at the beginning of your date to find out what, precisely, your client thinks you may be able to do for him and to set any boundaries required.
Most escorts know that sexual interests run on continuums, and so what a client asks for on a first encounter, is probably at the mild end of that particular activity. Staying inside your comfort zone while letting your client indulge his tastes, is a great way of creating a regular. Comfort zones expand with more dates, and even though what your client really wants may be well within your comfort zone, he does not have to know that. If a man gets what he wants, he’ll want it again and he’ll want more. Now you have a regular. And if he sees his particular interest as a bit exotic or shameful, a higher fee is in order.
3. Scratching an itch
Men have a tremendous capacity to fetishize all manner of things – from shoes to little pill box hats – almost everything a woman wears has its own group of mildly obsessive devotees. So, of course, do cross-dressing, bondage, corporal punishment and pegging. The list of deviant behaviors is huge.
Gentlemen who wish to scratch a particular itch are different from “experimenters” because they actually know exactly what they are looking for. They are not “trying out” their stocking fetish, they know they have one and want someone to play with.
The biggest problem that men with fetishes for particular garments or behaviours have, is that most women have not the slightest idea what these potentially lucrative clients are actually looking for. Oddly, it is not usually about the stockings or the riding crop or the cute little black lace snood. Rather, they are trying to find someone who is an active rather than a passive participant in their bit of erotic drama.
During the initial booking call when dealing with a gentleman wanting a very particular item or action, once you have discovered the object of his obsessions, get into the spirit of the thing. To use the easiest example, if he likes stockings by all means mention that you do too, but suggest he might bring a couple of pairs for you to try on and model for him. And ask him if he has a preference in garter belts. If he does, suggest he bring a couple of those as well and give him your measurements.
Not only will this enhance your lingerie wardrobe, it will also cement the idea that you are looking forward to playing out his obsession as much as he is. Now there will be callers whose erotic fixation is not something you can imagine participating in, and that should be an end of it. However, most fetishes are pretty innocent.
That said, if you would like the ease of a regular fetish client, you need to recognize and reflect the fact that he does not see his desires as innocent at all. Men with erotic obsessions invest those obsessions with a great deal of power and, not uncommonly, a high degree of eroticized shame. For you they may just be stockings, but for your client they may represent something far more meaningful and significant.
As an escort, there is a temptation to take these fixations rather lightly. To reassure your client that his interest in pink satin panties is perfectly OK and nothing to be ashamed of, before embarking down that path, it is well worth trying to figure out what his actual attitude to his interest is. Part of the attraction of an escort is her ability to reflect her client’s, rather than her own, view of his fetish.
Many wives will “put up with” their husband’s peccadillos. They tolerate his more obscure interests, which, in turn, trivializes them and takes away their erotic charge. And that is why this gentleman is at your apartment shaking with anticipation as you slip on the vintage silk stockings and bend to straighten the seam. Instead of treating your client’s fetish as perfectly normal or healthy or even, God forbid, silly, you invest it with the same seriousness as he does.
This is not an easy task. One of the hardest things in the world to do is to scratch someone else’s itch just right. But, if you can do it, if you can approach your client’s fetish as seriously as he does, invest it with the depth of meaning he invests it with, you will have a loyal and generous client for years.
4. No caring and sharing
For various reasons, we live in an increasingly feminized society. Whether that is a good thing or not is a debate for another day, but the reality is that the scope for men to just be men is narrowing by the day.
However much we do not want to go back to the bad old days when men and male attitudes were all that mattered in business, the social world and at home, the fact remains that men have genuinely lost something as their innate natures have been tamed. And although they miss it, they are far too politically correct to admit it.
Part of the charm of Mad Men – other than the fabulous 50’s clothes – is the sheer masculinity of the hard drinking, hard smoking, womanizing men who work at the agency. While no one would want to live in that world full time, there is much to be said for the occasional return to the primitive.
For some men, the idea of visiting a girl who actually encourages them to drop their politically correct personas and bring back the gentlemanly, but very much dominant man of a long gone past, is enticing.
Simply eliminating the pretense of the caring, sharing, oh so engaged, modern man and replacing it with a rougher hewn version can be hugely relaxing for a man. After all, in his work environment, if he so much as looks at a pretty girl the wrong way, he’s opened himself to allegations of sexual harassment. Taking a bit of time away from that world is a gift a man can give himself.
Of course, it does mean that an escort may be putting herself in the way of her client telling, not asking, her to take off her blouse. And in the bedroom, his needs will rule and hers will be largely ignored. But, at the end of the encounter, she will have a thoroughly satisfied and very happy client.
There is, of course, a fine line between retro man and an abusive jerk. Here an escort needs to be careful with her screening and also make entirely sure that she stays in charge during the date, even despite appearances to the contrary.
By catering to a baser side that many men spend a lot of time repressing, an escort can create a roster of retro regulars who like their whiskey straight and their girl nearly naked. There is the danger you will be summoned with, “Hey, little lady,” but you will survive. A good time can be had by all. And the cash is now in your wallet, not his.
A big win; a huge deal; closing a sale; the business world is filled with moments of triumph. Some businessmen will go for drinks with their business buddies, others will decide a great dinner, plenty of champagne and the delights of a happy ending with a pretty girl is just what they deserve. There’s your target market.
What girl doesn’t like an excuse to dress up and dine in sumptuous surroundings? The key to the celebration date is to celebrate. Your client is feeling his oats. Your job is to keep the high going.
Along with the adult services, your date is paying for an audience for his triumph. You’re that audience and all you have to do is get him bragging. Men, particularly Alpha men, often enjoy the telling as much as the doing. Be skilled at acting interested. More importantly, be interested. Everything from litigation to great stock plays, have a human side. Dig for it. Get him to give you the background and, of course, his background. You’re there to cheer him on.
Now is the time to tease him and pull out some sexy suggestive moves. A discreet under the table maneuver is not out of line. Slipping away to the ladies room and removing your panties and then dropping them in his lap with the words, “To the Victor the spoils,” is a naughty, and never to be forgotten, appetizer.
Your mission is to be his celebration. And if you conduct yourself with genuine enthusiasm, you’ll be there the next time he scores. And he will. And so will some of his business friends.
Selling your services to the celebration market is no more complicated than writing a flashy ad, “Big win? Come celebrate with me. You are the best and you deserve the best: me!” The direct approach is usually best approach.
For celebration dates, it is always wise to get the money entirely up front. It’s also advantageous to try to bring the evening to its delightful conclusion after dinner. Fun as dancing may be, the fact is dancing means more drinks and your Alpha male can turn into a drunken fail by midnight. His hotel or your apartment are a much better idea.
Some men like to visit escorts to spend an hour or two entirely outside their day-to-day life. Men, especially successful men, lead incredibly stressful lives. They do business all day, business socializing in the evening, and have loads of people constantly asking them for decisions, advice and worst of all, their time. For men like this, it never stops.
Until he comes to your apartment, turns off his phone and sinks into a comfortable chair with a glass of wine or a good single malt scotch. This sort of client pays his lawyers thousands of dollars an hour, he grabs last minute flights across the country and stays in luxury suites at the finest hotels. Money is not his problem. Time is. And now he is spending that time with you.
Taking a wound up mouse of a man and letting the tension off slowly and carefully is the art of the higher end escort. Of course there will be an element of physical relief; but that is not the only reason he’s there.
For a few hours, this great strong man wants to have the weight of his world lifted from his shoulders. No decisions. No pressure. He wants to be led, guided, and, ultimately, he wants to feel able to let go.
Oddly enough, an escape date requires the escort to do a lot of preparation and a lot of planning. Her date is arriving in order to drop the baggage of his life. He wants a few hours off. Knowing that, an escort becomes the focus of his attention and the planner of his pleasure. From the time her client walks in the door and that door closes, he is in her world. He listens to her music, drinks the wine and eats the food she selects. She decides what to do, how to amuse him, how to draw him out. And when it is time, when he is relaxed and attentive, she leads him to her bed.
It is a rare art to be able to take a man entirely out of himself. The few escorts who possess that art are in huge demand wherever they work. The great challenge is to be therapeutic without triggering the Alpha male’s sense of self-possession.
For the escape date to succeed, an escort has to be supremely self-confident. She has to display her own effectiveness. Strong, wealthy, powerful men are masters at spotting deceit. They have made their money and their mark by seeing through people weaker than themselves. To give them the respite they so desperately want, the escort has to create and hold an imaginary world where her client can let down his guard and be taken, for a few hours, outside his daily reality. It is a difficult ,but fundamentally rewarding, experience for her client. And, it is an incredibly lucrative income stream for the escort. Done right and done well, he’ll be back again and again.
Where a man who wants to escape for a few hours is stepping back from his life, a client looking to be nurtured is stepping into an alternative life. By choice.
Men are faced with a lot of responsibilities. They have to care for their wives, their children, their co-workers and, in many cases, their older parents and ner’ do well siblings. They are asked to support all these people but, only rarely, do they have a lot of support themselves. Their wives or girlfriends have all manner of social networks, their kids have peer groups, but men, in general don’t do bonding well, even when they have a lot of friends.
Add to that, the fact that many people see men as essentially “needless”, and you have a recipe for a profound and inarticulate alienation. Except that the men know that something is missing. They are not lonely in the sense that we spoke of above, they are just missing something and they know that they need it.
Here is where an escort can do some of her finest work. Rather than creating an escape, an escort spending time with a client in need of nurture structures a date in which his most basic need for attention and pampering are met.
In a sense, an escort with a nurture-seeking client becomes his handmaiden. She may feed him, bathe him, or let him lie quietly with his head in her lap as gentle music surrounds them. While she will certainly see to his sexual needs, she will be slow and gentle and let him take his time.
Her reward will be a client who is fulfilled and appreciative. He is being given the very gift that he knows he needs.