Escorting in a pornified world

Jennifer Lawrence has had her nude photos taken from what looks like Apple Cloud storage. Other celebrities have had their naughty bits exposed on the internet. While the FBI is on the most recent case, the reality is, we are not shocked.

by Hannah Jay

The advent of the internet has meant that nude photos, sex photos and grainy night vision sex tapes have been circulating for years. But compared to those, the sheer amount of video and still pornography available—pretty much for free—has altered how people, and especially men, look at sex.

For the escort this creates a host of problems and opportunities. If she puts naughty photos in her ads she needs to know that those pictures are almost certainly going to end up on Tumblr. A saucy video tape on the “members only” section of her escorting web site will find its way to XHamster before the pixels have had a chance to cool.

But it is not just the fact that an escort’s marketing may become something of an internet sensation, it is also the fact that the internet never forgets. Once a picture is out on the net, it is pretty much out there forever.

The other side of the net is that it has made any number of sexual practices and techniques which used to be fairly rare very much mainstream. The sexual acrobatics of the Reverse Cowgirl or Monkey “action” are largely the artifacts of the need of pornographers to capture all the activity. The so called “money shot” and “facials” are driven by the need of porn directors to insert a visible climax into their productions. Heterosexual anal sex was a fairly rare occurrence pre-Internet. It happened but it was deeply taboo; now it is just another variation. Strap-ons, watersports and the erotics of spanking were out of bounds for any but the most dedicated sexual adventurers. Now you can find endless, free websites specializing in these and many other recherché endeavors.

All of which puts an escort on the spot.

Reading a few of the review sites, you can’t help but notice that the hobbyists take it as a given that the girls they see will be open to all or some of the activities listed above and, looking at the escort ads, there are plenty of girls who are ticking all the boxes and, so long as a condom is used, seem perfectly willing to bring pornstar sex to the hotel rooms of the nation.

There is no question that there is money to be made offering the PSE – Porn Star Experience – and for some girls that money is better than they can make with more basic offerings. However, I am going to suggest that cutting right to the PSE chase may, in fact, be leaving money on the nightstand. A lot of money.

Some Do, Some Do Not

Ask yourself this question: which of these two women makes more money: Jennifer Lawrence or Tasha Reign? Taking nothing away from Miss Reign but I have to bet that Miss Lawrence earns orders of magnitude more money.

There are tons of reasons for this but a few will resonate when an escort is deciding what she is putting on the internet and what she is willing to do inspired by the internet.

First, the reason why there is such a hullabaloo about the nude picture hack of Miss Lawrence is that there were either very few or no nude pictures of her on the net. Miss Reign, as a porn actress is rather easier to find in the all together. Lawrence has played some very sexy roles and she told Conan O’Brian she certainly is no enemy to sex toys. But her persona is about much more than her physical assets or sexual appetites.

At various price points escorts are pretty much categorized: from service provider to courtesan, an escort puts herself into the world with a particular persona. At the bottom end of the market pink thong shots of an escort’s bottom and the promise of a PSE with extra helpings of A will attract a certain sort of client. Like Miss Reign, girls working this end of the market are pretty explicit about what they are selling.

At the top end of the market it is often difficult to tell if a girl is escorting or not. No thong shots, no acronyms, no explicit language or jolly chest and cup size brags. These girls are offering something much less basic, much more mysterious and making much more money.

Think for a moment of Miss Lawrence’s Oscar winning performance in American Hustle. Sexy? Absolutely. As she put it herself, “I wouldn’t say that it’s ever exciting to see yourself without a bra in a dress that’s three sizes too small for you.” It may not have been exciting for her but men in the audience were no doubt stirred by the glorious Lawrence bounce.

Part of the challenge posed by porn for escorts is that everything has become in-your-face explicit. So some girls are sure that to compete they need to hike their dress up to here and down to there right from the get go. For these escorts advertising serves the same function as the boxes porn videos used to come in. Show as much as possible, promise that anything goes, bring in the fans.

The downside of this approach for an escort is that by playing to the explicit porn-driven market she makes her dates all about sex. Leave aside the legal issues – and selling sex is illegal in almost every US jurisdiction – a girl who is selling sex is just selling sex. There is no value add, there is nothing to charge extra for, there is no market differentiation. Worse, if all an escort is selling is sex her competition is every other girl selling the same thing – which means there will always be a service provider willing to provide for less money.

Another Way

“I’ve been escorting for the last five years.” Jill told us, “I guess I was lucky because, originally, I had one of those ‘indecent proposals’ that you hear about but never think is real. But there I was in a nice hotel with an older man and a lot of money in my purse. I said to myself, ‘I could get used to this.’”

“I looked around for information and there is lots out there. I understood that escorting was all about safety and screening and advertising but it also seemed to be about showing pictures and offering services that I was not comfortable with at all. Can you be a prude and an escort? For me the answer has been yes!”

“Here’s the thing, talking to my clients I often ask about what they have enjoyed in our encounter. Two things come up all the time – I come across like a lady and I am eager in bed. While I discourage reviews, if someone was going to review my performance those two things really define me as an escort.”

Jill’s advertising is minimal and discreet. “All I ever put in is my name (not my real name, of course) and these words “Discreet Encounters for Gentlemen; At my Home, or to Finer Hotels” and my escort phone and email. That’s it. I will post a picture or two but they are sexy, not revealing. My ad absolutely stands out on the page. And it is a dog whistle for the older, better off, clientele I want to see.”

“When a potential client calls to book there are certain things which are absolute no go’s for me. Bad language is a huge issue. Just because I escort does not mean I expect to be treated as anything other than a lady. Men who want me to describe what will occur during our time together are either cops or pervs and are not, in any case, the sort of escort date I am looking for.”

“In that first call I make it clear that my encounters are expensive. The expense itself creates expectations in the right sort of client and keeps the wrong sort away.”

We asked Jill who the wrong sort of client was. “Obviously the cheapskates and the idiots who are comparison shopping for bare back blow jobs. I tell all of them to look for someone else. But it is not just money. In this business there are plenty of clients with money and a horrible attitude.”

We asked Jill if she thought that attitude came from Internet porn. “Maybe. Partly. Escorting gives you a window into the male mind which you don’t get just dating. Men are a lot more honest with an escort than they usually are with a regular date. What always strikes me is how limited and often ignorant many men are about bedroom basics. If they have seen something in a porn movie they will think that it is both possible and pleasurable to recreate it in real life.”

“What a lot of men don’t realize is that porn sex is sex arranged for the camera. Is it fun for the actors? Doesn’t matter, the video is being shot for the guy watching it at home. While the visual is a wonderful part of real life sex, giving my client a clear view is hardly the most important thing I am doing when I am offering him my oral attentions.”

“Most of my clients come back and I have a fair number of regulars. While I am every inch a lady in the living room, after adult activities, I always like to take a few minutes to talk about the experience. While I don’t like online reviews – they really are sordid – I love hearing my clients talk. For some of them, lying in bed with me, is the first time they have ever been encouraged to talk about sex with a woman. A lot of them are not very good about actually saying what they enjoyed and, even more difficult, what they were disappointed in. But, with a good sense of humour, and my hand gently stroking them, they’ll often open up.”

“Biggest thing – enthusiasm. Actually wanting to have sex. I think this is where the escort experience differs so basically from what these men get, or don’t get, at home. Their wives are reluctant at best to even think about a blow job or a quicky, much less spending an hour seducing and making love to their husbands. And here is where there is an intersection between escorting and porn – porn stars and escorts, in their own ways, are selling the idea that sex is something they really, really want.”

“Sure, 90% of the time that is not quite true. It is a performance and some days, it is worthy of an Oscar. But for the escort client, one of the best parts about an escort date is the near certainty that he’ll be spending some consenting adult time with a girl who will be really eager to please and (sometimes) be pleased.”

“Which is the second thing I learned about the escorting business very early on. The sorts of clients you want are not all about what you can do for them, they want the illusion at least that they can do for you.”

“Men have a terrific ability to compartmentalize. They know that they are with an escort. They know they have paid me. They know that for me this is a business transaction. But somehow they are convinced that they have had a much better time with me if I have had or appear to have had an equally good time.”

“And yes, Meg Ryan is an inspiration to us all.”

“If you look at the really popular porn, no matter what is going on, the women always appear to be having the time of their life. Though I have to say the guys look as if they are concentrating really hard on a math problem. The porn business knows what its customers want and the porn movies give it to them good and hard. There are a few niche producers like Andrew Blake who make beautiful, sensual films with a lot of sex – but they are really rare in that world.”

“All that said, my objective as an escort is to ensure that my clients have a wonderful time during my encounters. There is no question that when it comes to those consenting adult activities I am a bit bolder than I might be if it wasn’t an escort encounter.”

We asked Jill how that translated in actual practice. “It’s actually funny – I can sum it up pretty easily, in real life I like to be made love to, in escorting, I take the lead. Right from that first booking phone call I am very much in charge. At the same time, it is pretty subtle. I bet this doesn’t really register with half my clients. But from the point they arrive through to chatting, hors d’ouves and a glass of wine, all the way to the bedroom where I tell them what to do and when to change what they are doing, I control the date. And the key thing is that I am very enthusiastic about all of it. Not in the “Oh, Baby, do me all night long” sense of that; instead what I try to convey is just how pleased I am to have a man to be with.”

“Most, if not all of my clients, at some point will tell me, “I’ve never been with a girl like you.” I suspect some of them are referring to other escorts, but I am pretty sure that most of them are talking about their encounters with women in general. And, of course, that is why so many of them return and so many become regulars. I offer an experience which, without a lot of sexual acrobatics or doubtful activity, is completely different.”

“Look, we do live in a pornified world. The girls on the red carpets are wearing things I can’t imagine wearing out the door. Girls are posting naked selfies to their boyfriends who are sharing them with all their friends. Nice married couples are making porn tapes for fun on the weekend and uploading them.”

“In my escorting, I want to be different, very different. I want to be the girl my clients have always dreamed of having, but have never found. I don’t have triple “D” breasts, thank Heavens, and I have strawberry blonde not platinum blonde hair. I don’t look like a porn star and I am delighted not to. So are my clients.”

“It is a truism that the most erogenous zone is between the ears. I have a successful, safe, escorting business because I offer something which very few girls ever think of: a genuinely erotic experience. A lot of my clients, especially my older clients, tell me that their previous escort encounters were unsatisfying because the girl, beautiful and athletic as she may have been, never really connected with them. She went through the motions.”

“The best part of playing a bit of the prude as an escort is that you leave all sorts of things out there as possibilities. Being able to say to a client when he is leaving, “I noticed that you are wonderful with your tongue, I hope we can take that a lot further when you are here next,” plants a wonderful question in his mind. For my sort of escort encounter, the anticipation is as erotic as the reality.”

“I do the same thing with my escorting regulars but here I try to give them something to achieve when next they visit. I won’t go into detail but suffice to say men are remarkably goal oriented. Give them a goal and they will spend the week between visits wondering how best they can achieve it.”

Ironically, Jill has turned the association of escorts with the sex-on-demand notion on its head, and in doing something so unexpected she has created the perfect antidote to a pornified culture. She has put back the mystery, the anticipation, the tease, that is truly sexy. No camera tricks necessary.