It’s very common for people to seek the companionship of escorts, because they experience difficulties when it comes to opening themselves up to physical pleasure and intimacy. Obstacles (both mental and physical) can hinder one’s abilities to accept affectionate attention from others, causing awkward interactions that others fail to understand or have the patience to deal with.
Escorts are the best option for such clients. However, many of these clients truly wish to stretch their personal boundaries in order to incorporate more exciting adventures into their lifestyles. It’s certainly a process, but well worth it. If you feel that you are too uptight or uncomfortable with pleasures of the flesh and desire the ability to loosen up so you can enjoy sex and all it offers, consider implementing these tips:
- Get familiar with your body first. Before you can tell others how to physically please you, you have to know what it is that you like. Many clients are sexually inexperienced or lack the variety of experiences to be able to differentiate between activities they like or love. The only way to determine your favorites is to experiment on your body. Become familiar with your body and genitals through touching, caressing and stroking. Adjust the speeds and strength you use as you touch yourself. Pleasure yourself through masturbation, changing up styles so you can see what works best for you. As you begin to learn what feels best, you are more capable of asking an escort for what you want, physically.
- Talk about activities that interest you. Of course, you can’t experiment with some activities (such as golden showers) very well by yourself, so you’re going to need to explore them with someone else. Discussions about fantasies that turn you on can lead to some frank conversations about the pros, cons and other issues related to the activities. Feel free to ask questions about all aspects of other adventures that make you curious, from sensations felt, methods performed and clean-up issues. Nothing is too intimate to discuss with your escort, especially if you’re interested in exploring a service. The hardest part is getting the ball rolling. Be honest with your escort about the fact that you need this discussion, and she can help facilitate the beginning of the conversation so the awkwardness may be set aside.
- Proceed slowly. When you feel you are ready to move forward with fulfilling one of your fantasies, ease into the activity. You are not racing and you do not have to do everything during one encounter. Accomplishing your goal of a new adventure can be achieved over the course of two or three (or more) bookings with your escort. Tell your escort that you want to gradually adjust to all levels of an activity before plunging into it with both feet. Most escorts will fully understand your hesitancy and will help you transition through a new experience. Often, they can determine through your body language, breathing and other signs whether you are enjoying yourself or are feeling uncomfortable. If they sense you are experiencing discomfort, they can change the pace, slow things down or take the emphasis off of the activity, altogether.
- Change your mind set about physical intimacy. Often, escorts learn that clients were raised to view sex as dirty or only for functional purposes (reproduction). Through experiences as children or teenagers, sex became stigmatized, along with those who readily enjoyed it. Whether experiencing moral dilemmas about being someone who enjoys it or being scared of consequences associated with it, many clients have perspectives on sexual activity that prevent them from fully enjoying themselves during intimacy. If this is the case for you, it’s essential that you work to adjust your way of thinking. Consider the experiences you’ve had to date and how they have not resulted in life-altering results. Review how much pleasure you’ve derived from your limited experiences. Think about how good it feels to masturbate yourself. Amend your attitudes about sex in order to abandon the necessity to be uptight about all intimate activities.
- Talk yourself up prior to encounters. Much like preparing for a sporting event, many clients feel the need to psyche themselves up so they are ready to meet with an escort. Through telling yourself positive things and envisioning good outcomes, you can set the stage for success with during a booking. Imagine the pleasure and toe-curling sensations you will feel when embroiled in passion with your escort. Consider how good it feels to hold a woman’s naked body against yours. Tell yourself that you are a desirable man whose sex drive is excellent. Any woman is lucky to have you. And, you are a great lover. Sometimes, the “fake it ’til you make it” adage can be applied as a way to build yourself up prior to arriving at a booking. If you’ve only imagined good results, it’s much easier to be relaxed and ready for a good time.
- Relax when you’re with your escort. Spending time with an escort is supposed to be relaxing, not nerve-wracking. If you’re experiencing some slight nervousness, this may be extremely common, especially as you and your escort get to know each other. However, if you are feeling severe anxiety, fear or shame about seeing your escort, you need to take a step back and relax. Breathe. Often, clients forget to breathe or they breathe too much (hyperventilate). This is a sure sign that you need to take time to relax. If you breathe properly and take deep breaths as a form of relaxation, you will find yourself in a much more easy-going state. If breathing fails to work, consider smoking a cigarette or having a drink immediately prior to your encounter. (That doesn’t mean you should get drunk before arriving to see an escort.) A beer or two may help you loosen up so you don’t feel so uptight when you arrive.
- Physically prepare yourself to help boost your confidence. Good, careful personal grooming is important to an escort, but it can also help you feel prepared for meeting up with a beautiful woman. Shave, get a haircut and shower before calling on your escort. Splash on some after shave or cologne (not lots…just enough to leave a subtle scent) and pick out an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself. When you pay attention to how you look, you will feel like you are hot. Feeling attractive is a huge ego boost that may help you open yourself up to new adventures. Knowing that your escort should be attracted to you makes it easier to request new services or try something unknown.
- Incorporate plenty of foreplay. Even though it’s typically women who need additional foreplay in order to achieve full arousal, men need it, too, in order to get their heads in the game. Ask your escort to caress and stroke you, talk dirty to you or engage in some heavy petting or making out before you advance into anything beyond your usual comfort zone. That foreplay will get you so aroused you would walk over hot coals in order to achieve an impending climax. When you engage in extra foreplay, the part of your brain that makes “rational” decisions about sex is numbed, allowing your sexual urges to overrule the rest of your senses.
- Let your sense of humor engage. If you tend to be a bit conservative or uptight, it can be difficult to find the humor in your own sexual mishaps. But, you should rest assured that everyone makes sexual mistakes. From positions that don’t work to failed attempts at orgasms, sex isn’t always perfect. And, some aspects of sex are just plain funny. Bodily sounds, fluids and appearances are humorous. A magazine may have boasted about a great sexual position you want to experiment with, only to find that you and your escort just can’t seem to make it work, placement-wise. Laugh about it. It’s funny. Often, during sexual intercourse, a woman’s vagina gets too much air in it, making a noise…that’s pretty funny, too. Sex requires a good sense of humor. Additionally, when you engage your sense of humor, you relinquish the part of you that gets uptight or is so judgmental about sex. Laughing relaxes you, and it causes other parts of your body to open up to new possibilities.
- Allow your escort to take the lead. When you are open to new possibilities, but you can’t seem to follow through on their pursuits, engage your escort to demonstrate through taking the lead. Ask her to make the first move, show you the position and provide the first moments of pleasure. Explain to her that you’re not sure how to move forward for progress, and request that she lead the way to new adventures. She can undress you, slowly move to the newly featured body part or orifice and begin the activity. If you are interested in engaging in doggy-style sex, for instance, she can help to get you both lined up for enjoyment, and slowly guide you to penetration. After a few times allowing your escort to provide a guiding hand to new pleasures, you may be ready to advance forward in the lead, yourself.
- Stay in the moment during activities. Clients who sometimes find it difficult to stay focused during intercourse or other actions need to practice enjoying the sensations they are experiencing at the time. Sometimes, clients get preoccupied with guild, embarrassment or shame during interactions with an escort. They feel the things they are dong are deviant or dirty. They begin to wonder what their mother/father/sister/brother/ex-spouse would say about what they are doing. This is detrimental thinking and will only cause you to shut down, if you allow yourself to think this way. If these thoughts pop into your head, it’s imperative that you find a way to focus back on the here-and-now of what’s happening between you and your escort. Focus on the pleasure, your escort’s beauty or how exciting it is to be experiencing something new. Allowing yourself to divert to negative thinking will only derail your progress and cause you to revert to the uptight, overly staunch person you were.
- Consider getting mental health for true underlying issues. Some clients come to escorts with histories of child abuse, rape or incest. They may have been in abusive relationships where sex was used as a powerful tool. If you feel that you have issues from your past that are affecting your abilities to open yourself up to intimacy or pleasure, a therapist or psychologist may have the skills necessary to help you. Over time, you will learn to deal with your past problems and heal from them, allowing space for yourself to open up to new worlds of possibilities. Don’t feel ashamed to seek professional help for your issues, either. There is no dishonor in admitting that you need help; and the benefits can be an incredibly active sex life with an adventurous libido.