In the adult entertainment industry, both providers and clients get turned down and hand out rejections daily. It’s a common thing, but it’s kind of a big deal when it involves you personally. Knowing how to deal with it when it’s on your plate (as the giver or receiver) is the key to making sure that communications are clear and all interactions remain cordial and “nice” between all parties involved.
Here are some tips for both providers and customers:
How to reject clients
- Make excuses: There are hundreds of excuses you can use to dodge a client you don’t want to see. As you’re communicating with him prior to booking an engagement, tell him you’re too busy, not right for his request, not taking new clients, have an availability issue or anything else that seems to put him off. If he’s a current client, tell him you’re having attraction issues with him and can’t stop thinking about him, so you can’t see him anymore. Or, tell him you’re downsizing your client list. Anything that tells him that he can’t see you now is a good option. (Don’t suggest that you’re quitting the business, because he might gossip about you — word gets around fast. It could backfire and others might not call you. Or, he could discover that you’re NOT quitting and call you, again.) If you’ve arrived already to an appointment and discover that the customer is not up your alley, tell him you’ve got an emergency and can’t stay. Apologize and leave.
- Do a disappearing trick: If a prospect is someone you know you don’t want to book time with, just don’t respond to his messages. Cease all communication with him. If he continues to persist, block him, so you don’t even see his attempts to contact you. Eventually, the customer should get the idea and move on to another provider.
- Explain your rejection: Sometimes, it’s best to openly reject a customer and provide a reason. You’re not doing a client any favors by avoiding the truth about why you don’t want to book time with him. Be kind, break it to him gently and tell him that you won’t accept him as a client. Remember, though, that being nice doesn’t mean that you reject him hesitantly. Be firm in your rejection, display confidence and confirm through your body language, tone of voice, etc. that you mean what you say about declining to see him.
Legitimate reasons to reject customers
- Red flags: As you’re doing a security check on your prospective customer, red flags sometimes come up that suggest your physical safety might be at risk during a booking. When this happens, don’t even hesitate to reject a customer. When you discover that a client has lied to you, has a violent criminal record or you receive other negative feedback about him, use these reasons to legitimize declining time with him.
- Hygiene: If you’re going to be getting up close and personal with a client during a booking with him, you want to make sure he’s clean, smells good and doesn’t have bad hygiene other ways. If he seems to have a problem maintaining general cleanliness, don’t agree to see him. If a client has scratchy stubble, refuse based on the whisker burn you get from spending time with him. On the flip side, if a client insists on wearing so much cologne he gives you a headache, send him packing.
- Service requests you don’t provide: It’s pretty obvious that if a client is requesting a service you don’t provide, you should decline. But, let him know that you just don’t supply those types of activities. He may alter his request, if he’s genuinely interested in seeing you. Others, though, may be looking for something entirely different than what you do. For instance, if you’re a dancer or webcam actress, you wouldn’t want to accept a request for escort services. Or, if you’re an escort who specializes in the GFE (girlfriend experience), you would turn down a client who only wants the PSE (porn star experience). If what you offer customers and what a customer wants don’t coincide, you have a justifiable reason to turn him down.
- Bad attitude: When a client contacts you for a booking and he’s rude, crude, insulting or negative in some other way, it’s your right to send him to another escort. If a customer has been mean or condescending in the past, refuse to see him in the future. Or, if a prospect just seems weird or different (without any kind of explanation about a special condition), send him away if he makes you uncomfortable. You aren’t required to spend time with customers simply because they call. If something about a client’s behavior turns you off or makes you feel bad/sad/mad, reject him.
How to handle rejection
- It’s not personal: Sometimes, a client will reject a provider for reasons completely beyond her control. It might be that he simply changed his mind and decided not to hire a provider, at all. Or, he is fickle and changed his mind about the type of provider he desired. Or, he goofed up and booked the wrong person. Or, he is just a jerk. There are thousands of reasons a client may reject you — and many of them have absolutely nothing to do with you. Shrug off a rejection and move forward.
- Stay classy: Depending on how the client rejected you, it’s very easy to react defensively. But, it’s not a very classy way to behave and doesn’t reflect well on you in the future. Instead of getting catty or diving down into the dirt (like your client may have done), wish him well and offer good luck in finding exactly the type of provider he’s looking for. Even if your class-act reaction isn’t shared with others, you’ll know that you didn’t stoop to any level beneath you.
- Analyze the rejection for truth: If you’re getting rejected frequently, there may be some underlying reason for why clients are turning you down. Are you advertising yourself as something you’re not? Are you promoting yourself in the wrong niche? Are your pictures current? Are you giving each booking with customers your “all?” If you find that you’re lacking in some area or missing the mark, strive to improve. If, though, the rejections seem to be coming from all over the board, it could just be that you’re having bad luck at the time. Keep your chin up and keep moving forward.
How to reject providers
- No matter what, be nice. Whether you’re at the beginning of the conversation with a provider or she shows up to your door and you’ve changed your mind, do not insult her by being rude, crude or socially unacceptable. Even when you think it’s her fault for your rejection, use kindness. Smile. Courtesy and overall pleasantness will go a lot farther in a cordial exchange than using hurtful comments. When you lash out with unnecessary meanness, the entire situation can escalate, causing you to look like the bad guy. It’s in your best interest to be mannerly, but direct.
- Provide an explanation: Many clients change their minds. Many clients just don’t know what it is they want. Once in awhile, you don’t know what you’re getting into. Sometimes, a provider isn’t what you expected. Explain your reasons for rejection, whatever they are. It’s pretty rude to just leave a provider hanging, wondering if she did something wrong or why she was turned away. Even if you fib about your explanation, provide an excuse for why you have changed your mind or don’t want to see her. Don’t make her drag it out of you. Provide your reasons and explain that it’s just not going to work out. Avoid aggression or sarcasm.
- Reject her before she arrives: If you’ve made an appointment with a provider, and you know that you don’t want to see her, make a concerted effort to contact her before she arrives for your “date.” Providers carefully schedule their entire days/evenings around their customer’s bookings. If you let her know ahead of time, she might have time to place another customer in your slot. And, she won’t waste her time or money traveling to see you. However, there are circumstances that will require you to turn her down in person. If you don’t get her contacted until she arrives, be aware that she may be extremely disappointed and upset. She may suggest that you still pay the fee or a portion of it.
- Don’t waste her time: If you’ve decided that you are not interested in spending time with a provider, tell her quickly and promptly. Continuing to communicate after you’ve made the decision to reject her is only wasting both hers and your time. Once you’ve decided to turn her down, tell her and move on. If you aren’t aware that you will be rejecting her until later, tell her as soon as you realize that you’re canceling. And, when you decline her services, do it succinctly and quickly. Don’t ramble on and provide a million excuses. Don’t invite her in to “talk.” Avoid telling her that you need to discuss something with her. Simply decline the booking, provide a quick explanation and wish her well.
- Read further instructions for the 3 specific scenarios.
Legitimate reasons to reject an escort
- She’s not what you’re looking for: It’s pretty common for clients to have a standard “type” in mind when booking a dancer, escort, webcam performer or other adult entertainment service provider. If an escort doesn’t fit your “ideal,” it’s ok. She knows that she’s probably not every customer’s cup of tea. Maybe she doesn’t provide the type of service you’re seeking. If not, that’s a great reason to turn her down. Or, she’s serious and you want funny. She doesn’t like sports. She laughs too loud. There are many ways she may not be what you’re looking for — and, they’re all legit reasons to reject a provider.
- She doesn’t perform to your expectations: Not all providers are high energy or willing to go the extra mile. Maybe, she didn’t “trip your trigger.” Good providers should attempt to meet your expectations, but may fall short. When a provider doesn’t do what you want her to or can’t perform at the levels you want her to, turn down future appointments with her. If her dancing isn’t as good as some other exotic dancers you’ve hired in the past, move on to another one. Maybe a webcam actress fails to make eye contact during a session with her. Don’t schedule time with her next time. Simply put: if you’re not happy with her performance, reject future time with her.
- She’s got a bad attitude: Some providers are extremely tainted or have just had a really bad day with other clients. They are surly and unhappy. This rubs off on you and influences how you feel about your time with them. Other providers are simply rude, cold and impersonal. If she isn’t kind, affectionate, personable and courteous, don’t book time with her again. During the booking process, she should be extremely nice and eager to communicated. If she’s tough to schedule time with, reject the opportunity to set up an appointment.
How to handle rejection
- Know there are more fish in the sea: So, if you blew it with one provider, keep in mind that you can always try, again, with a new one. There are many, many providers out there in the world, and it’s completely possible that you’ll hit it off with one of them (and, likely, more!). But, keep in mind that your first impression has a lot to do with whether a provider will accept you as a client. And, if you’ve visited frequently with a provider and she dumps you — ask why. Odds are that you’ve done something to aggravate her, make the relationship complicated or failed to fulfill a request of hers. Be willing to learn from the experience and apply the info when you book your next provider.
- Accept the rejection: Most providers don’t reject clients for fickle reasons. She’s thought long and hard and determined that you’re not a good match for her. You have to respect her decision and move on. Arguing with her, pleading for another chance or refusing to accept the rejection is not going to get you anywhere. Getting mad about the rejection won’t do you any good, either. It will only cause you strife in the long run. Avoid lashing out at her or becoming physically violent, as she will convey your aggression to other providers in the area, causing you future rejections.
Rejection is a part of life. And, unfortunately, it’s a part of intimacy and affection. Even though most customers receive acceptance with providers that they may lack in other romantic relationships, it doesn’t always happen that way. Furthermore, providers usually have clients chomping at the bit to see them. Sometimes, though, clients and providers don’t hit it off.
Move on from it all is the key. Don’t get caught up in the drama — tomorrow might be a better day.