If you know what not to do in any given situation, you can expect miracles. You may save a life, you may save yourself from an ass-kicking and you may even get laid, which is really all anybody can ask for. Sometimes you have to learn what not to do the hard way, but why suffer if an expert is on hand to keep you in line?
Elise is a 30 year-old escort based in Vancouver Island, B.C. She has a long list of regular and devoted clients, as well as a following on the Playboy, Hustler and Vivid web cam sites. She also has some important advice on what never to do with an escort.
Do not ask for bareback full-service. Just don’t. It’s dangerous, it’s ignorant and she will say no. Once she’s said no, do not try to take the condom off half-way through, and do not try to slit the condom open.
“As soon as I discover it, the session is over,” said Elise. “You will be asked to leave immediately, and there will be no refund.” Trying to cause the condom to come off inside the escort is another non-starter, and don’t think she won’t notice. “We know all the tricks, and we’re on to you,” warned Elise. Escorts do talk to one another, and if you behave this badly and this dangerously, word will spread.
Don’t treat the escort like a whore. “Yeah, we may do this for a living but you don’t own us,” said Elise. “You’re paying to spend time with us—you didn’t pay to own us.”
Elise says that 95% of men seeing escorts are gentlemen, and 5% are creepy. The gentlemen are every day guys. He may be the guy in the cubicle next to you, the office next to yours or the CEO of your company. “They’re just missing something in their lives that I can provide,” said Elise. “They’ll treat me with respect, and I’ll treat them with respect.”
Don’t fall in love with an escort. “We’re playing a role and fulfilling a fantasy, but we have separate lives,” said Elise. “It’s always easy to fall in love with the fantasy, but that’s not what’s real.”
Do not ask for your money back because you came quickly. “I’m not in charge of their bodies and I’m genuinely just following their lead,” said Elise. “Don’t ask me for money back because you’re not going to get it and it will just piss me off.” If you feel you want your money back the time to say something is before the clothes come off. Once the clothes are off, there is no refund.
Don’t ask for a guarantee you will have an orgasm either. “I just can’t be in charge of their bodies,” said Elise. “Some men with erectile dysfunction can’t cum and will try to hold me to some sort of guarantee.” Failing to get it up at all will also not get you a refund, so don’t bother asking.
Don’t haggle. “I hate that,” said Elise. “I understand that in some cultures it may be common, but try to remember that I am not a loaf of bread.”
Don’t offer an escort money to cross boundaries she’s clearly provided. “If I say no bareback service, don’t offer me $20 to do it,” said Elise. “Number one, I don’t do anything for $20.”
Most escorts will offer extras that you can choose to pay for during a session, but do not cross boundaries. “A boundary is a boundary is a boundary,” said Elise.
Never, ever be dirty and smelly. “If you are asked to shower don’t be insulted,” said Elise. “I’m going to have to go down there. There’s nothing wrong with smelling like a man but freshen up a little first.”
On Dirty Dealing
Never try to short-change an escort. “I will count the money you gave me and I will know,” said Elise. Suggesting the escort not count the donation right away and asking her to wait till after isn’t clever. It’s a red flag, and you may be asked to leave.
Don’t keep it a secret if you’re taking Viagra or Cialis. “If a guy’s on Viagra he might not really cum,” said Elise. “If I’m looking for that signal, I’d like to know why I’m not getting it.” Age is important too. “I prefer to be told if he’s over 65,” said Elise. While some may feel a heart attack during wild sex would be the best way to go, it’s not nearly as appealing to the escort.
Never stay if you meet the escort and she’s not what you saw or what you were promised. “Do not stay,” said Elise. “A bad experience gives us all a bad name. It’s your money and your experience so if you’re not happy, leave before the money changes hands.”
On Being a Gentleman
The worst thing you can do is behave like an ass. “The biggest factor for me is their behavior,” said Elise. “Don’t behave like a total pig. Yes it’s all about you, but that doesn’t give you the right to act like a pig.”
And even though it should absolutely go without saying, don’t ever be violent. “Unless it’s part of the play and unless it’s agreed to and discussed beforehand, don’t be violent,” said Elise. “Don’t think that just because you paid, you can be abusive.”