10 appearance blunders escorts should avoid

Yes, you want to look like a model who’s about to shimmy down a runway. But without private stylists and the right lighting, there are too many ways you can accidentally make a goof that will reflect poorly on you as a professional escort and flat out make you feel like a doofus.

To make sure you have your best escort face forward, avoid these common flubs:

  1. Don’t smell like a perfume department

    Yes, you want to smell sweet and sexy, but if you overload on the perfume, you run the risk of wearing a scent your client is not going to like. And if you accidentally load too much, you may induce an allergy attack. Either way, it could be the end of your escort career. Stick to scented body washes and lotions that leave just a touch of scent on your skin, and go for ones that are clean and fresh.

  2. Leave down there alone

    Unless you have a particularly unpleasant feminine odor, be careful with douching and trying to make your hoo-ha smell like something it isn’t. Remember, being an escort doesn’t mean your client is entitled to anything sexual, but sometimes thing can get intimate, and we all want our nether regions to be as welcoming as possible. But there’s a reason those parts smell the way they do: pheromones are part of our animal nature. Keep clean, but don’t try to make anything about your pink parts smell like apple pie or a bed of roses.

  3. Beware of anything that extends

    If it’s not naturally attached to your body, it can come off at the worst possible moments. Do your false eyelashes droop when you sweat? Leave ‘em at home. Do you like to toss on some cheap hair extensions? If you can’t play a contact sport in them, don’t attempt to wear them on a date. Nothing ruins a romantic moment like your hair coming off in the hands of a client.

  4. If it’s on you, it’ll go on the client

    Sparkly body lotions, glimmering eye shadows and heavy amount of perfume will naturally go from your body to his, in an embrace as simple as a hug hello. Chances are he won’t want to take that part of you with him after your session is over. Discretion should be a focus in your escort vocabulary, in many senses of the word.

  5. Note your upper lip

    If you have a bit of fuzz on your upper lip, be honest with how it looks up close. Bleach may seem subtle from far away, but if there’s a hand caressing your face, what do you want it to feel? Chances are, not a moustache. Opt for threading or waxing, done by a professional. The hair will grow in thinner and more subtle every time.

  6. Clock your waxing schedule

    Body hair grooming can be a pain: what is smooth and pretty one day can turn red and bumpy 24 hours later. Know your skin and body-hair, and how long you can go between appointments. Few things are less attractive than an escort raising an arm to reveal a bunch of stubble and ingrown hairs.

  7. Watch your lines

    Bra lines, pant lines, sock lines… if it’s pressing into your skin, it’s not going to look pretty when it comes off. Keep things soft and comfortable so that your body feels it’s best when in your clothing and when they somehow find themselves fallen onto the floor.

  8. Brush, floss, rinse, repeat

    You may need that cup of coffee before heading to a late (or really early) meeting with a client, but you don’t want to smell or taste like Starbucks. Gum and mints can mask bad breath to a certain extent, but a safer bet is to carry a travel toothbrush, toothpaste, floss and mouth wash with you. Duck into a public bathroom if necessary, but make sure there’s no trace of what was before when meeting a client.

  9. Beware of “24-hour” products

    A lipstick that says it last for X amount of hours most likely will stain to a certain extent. Do you want to look like the Joker after the first layer wears off? Do you really trust that deodorant to protect you all day? Grab products in small sizes you can carry on you and discreetly reapply as necessary, and specifically as possible.

  10. Keep the padding subtle

    Most of us have experienced the brilliance that is the “Wonder Bra”. But the last thing you want is a client wondering “where’d they go!?!” once certain layers come off. Accentuate the positive and play up your best features. Work on making your body your instrument, and keep the Spanx and additional pushers to a minimum.