Even though you are an escort who hobnobs with your community’s elite clientele, you may still have down-to-earth roots and engage in local activities. It’s possible that you even offer your time as a volunteer at various events throughout the year. When you give your time, it’s important that you have a realistic understanding of your role and reasonable expectations of others.
While you don’t have a “normal” lifestyle, others do and expect everyone else to
You must engage in ways that will attract very little attention to the fact that other participants know little about you.
Follow this list of dos’ and don’ts to ensure that participating in community activities is a positive, trouble-free experience:
- Deny knowing high-profile members of the community, unless you are acquainted with them through innocent channels. It’s common for an escort to intimately know members of a community’s elite circle; but, she shouldn’t acknowledge that she does. By suggesting you know someone, it causes others to question your connection to him or her. If the person in question is one of your clients, it’s rather difficult to explain your relationship. It’s perfectly acceptable to say you know a client, if you’ve encountered each other through commonly accepted ways (such as going to the same church or the individual is your daughter’s pediatrician). Refrain from elaborating any further about the extent to which you know him. Commenting about details you shouldn’t know about someone could get yourself into more conversation than you want. You can save yourself (and your client) a lot of embarrassment by being vague.
- Dress appropriately. You may be accustomed to designer duds and full make-up when you’re out on the town visiting clients. Most community activities don’t require the high-maintenance look. Small-scale charity events are not the place for designer-labeled cocktail dresses. And, if you’re working the concession stand at your son’s basketball game, high heels and a tailored pencil skirt won’t help you fit in. Tone down your makeup and dress similarly to other fashionable women at events. You’ll be more comfortable knowing that you fit in, and your attire will be more functional for the activity, too.
- Don’t ask for cash up front. Many community events and fundraisers work on an honor-system with pledges or a donation basket. This differs greatly from your policy of requiring payment prior to providing services. If you’re helping out by taking tickets, accepting donations or working in other fundraising capacities, ask what the guidelines are before your shift. It could be very awkward for both you and others when you begin demanding money, when the activity or organization has a much less rigid payment policy. Remind yourself that you are not collecting for your time; and, recognize you are an extension of the group you are representing.
- Practice your cover story. Many escorts have told and re-told their cover stories to their friends and family members, to the point they don’t have to revisit them often. However, the acquaintances you meet through other activities haven’t heard your elevator speech about what you do. Practice it a time or two before you expect to be involved in an activity where someone may ask about your career. Keep in mind they don’t want a long, extended version. They will easily accept the watered-down sample you provide to them. As you quickly explain what you do, change the subject by asking questions about his or her profession. Odds are that the person to whom you are talking will be much more interested in discussing his own career rather than asking for more details about yours.
- Ditch your paranoia. While it is essential that you have your cover story prepared, there is really no reason to be concerned about people doubting you. Unfortunately, when you are an escort, it’s easy to feel paranoid that someone is going to find out your secret. But, the people you run across through community activities or volunteering for charitable causes aren’t looking to find holes or discrepancies in your cover story. They take what you’ve told them for face value and believe you. Being paranoid will only cause you to look suspicious, by acting out on your fear. It’s easy to see that your life doesn’t lead you to feel you can trust others, but that doesn’t mean other people live by the same code.
- Avoid communicating with clients when you’re at community functions. Regardless of how short your communications are with a client, it’s never a good idea to take a phone call from or text a client when you’re with others. It may cause questions about what important issue tore you away from the function, and you’ll have to make up answers on the spot (which is never good). In addition to causing questions, a phone call can provide your client with a clue about where you are and how you spend your off time. That’s not a problem with most of your clients; but, you have to be cautious about your personal life, just the same. Clients who may be potential stalkers wait for opportunities like this so they can run into you publicly, without having to schedule an encounter to see you. And, finally, it’s rude. When you’re engaged in an activity with others, don’t take phone calls unless it’s an emergency.
- Refrain from over-promising. Your schedule is often sporadic and unknown. There may be instances that you anticipate you will have free time to volunteer for an activity, only to receive a call from a client requesting an encounter for that same time period. You will have to make choices: make a client happy and earn money, or refuse an encounter and volunteer your time. Often, it’s not a matter of making a choice: you may need the money. Think ahead as you obligate yourself to activities. Despite the fact that you’re only volunteering to participate in an activity, others are depending on you. It’s not flattering to back out on a promise. Sometimes, it’s easier to bring something for a function (treats, plates, balloons, flowers, etc.) rather than volunteer to be present. If your schedule works out so that you can attend an event, that’s great. But, if a client wants your time, you won’t be forced to let someone down.
- Avoid screening other volunteers or participants. You have the means and know-how to screen the people you meet throughout your life. But, that doesn’t mean you should. If you’re volunteering to work the bake sale for the PTA, for instance, you shouldn’t look for background information about the PTA president. It isn’t pertinent, and her history is none of your business. When you’re accustomed to knowing everything you can find online about your clients, it’s easy to assume you should know the same things about others you come into contact with. However, it’s not the same. You screen clients to protect your safety and well-being. Working with others at public community functions doesn’t create the same degree of risk you have when you meet with clients in private. You have no reasonable excuse to pry into your co-volunteers’ private lives.
Don’t watch the clock. You may be very good at hiding the fact that you’re watching the clock during each and every encounter. Keeping track of your time during visits with clients is a smart thing to do; otherwise, they will take advantage of you by extending bookings. But, when you volunteer for an activity, you are giving your time away. Typically, you participate for an entire activity, regardless of how long it takes. For instance, if you’re helping to coach your son’s soccer team, each game may not last the designated hour. Games that go into overtime will last longer, as will others that incur complications. Your duties are not automatically completed once the hour is elapsed.
- Use your skills. Before you volunteer for functions or fundraisers, consider the skills that you possess and have perfected. You are a master marketer, communications professional and an excellent cheerleader. You have great style and possess an entrepreneurial spirit. You are organized and detail-oriented. When you sign up to be involved in a community activity, tell the organizers what you’re good at. If you’re a terrible baker, don’t get talked into bringing cookies for a bake sale. Ask if you can help market it or keep the books for the fundraiser. Most organizational leaders want to place their volunteers in activities that best suit them, and they’re always looking to capitalize on someone’s strong points for great marketing or business sense.
- Avoid drama. Your life is dramatic enough, attempting to keep your secret life secret. You don’t need to get sucked into gossip, useless public scenes, petty quarrels or hurt feelings among other volunteers. Keep in mind that if information about your real life gets out, you could become the subject of talk, too, so it’s best to make efforts to stay out of the spotlight and avoid making enemies.
- Have fun! It may be a challenge to open up and engage with others, although it’s going to be the easiest way to fully participate in the activities you choose. You don’t want to be an outsider when you’re trying to be involved. Open yourself up to making friends and accepting others into your life. You don’t have to become best friends with others, but you can forge bonds that bring with them camaraderie and warmth. You’ll enjoy life much more when you do.