In any career, it’s common to make mistakes. But, when you’re an escort, your mistakes may result in very serious consequences, including income loss, security threats, health risks and unnecessary emotional drama. But, some errors are just embarrassing or time consuming. Depending on the misstep, you may have difficulties moving past the mistake and focusing on what’s really important: your personal well being and the next client.
When you goof up, it’s not the end of the world; but, you may find the following steps helpful when attempting to move beyond the error of your ways:
- Compose yourself. Depending on the blooper, you can feel quite overwhelmed with emotion. If you’ve really bungled something, you may be angry or frustrated with yourself; feel fearful of the consequences; doubt your instincts or abilities; or be saddened with a tragic outcome. Regardless of what you’ve done, it happened. Pull yourself together and put everything into perspective. It’s fairly certain that your goof-up is not going to cause the end of the world as you know it and that life will go on. Deal with your initial emotions by giving yourself a few minutes, hours or a day or two to absorb the events that occurred so that you can advance on to truly dealing with your error.
- Own up to your mistake. Many people, including escorts, play the “blame game” by placing the burden of accountability onto someone or something else. For instance, if you were late to an encounter with a client, you might blame traffic, your driver or the directions you were given. However, it comes down to the fact that you were responsible for arriving on time and you failed to do so. You could’ve started out earlier, researched where you were going or prepped your driver better. Realizing that you have accountability, despite outside circumstances’ effects, is the best way to admit that you did something wrong. Some errors reveal a blatantly obvious mistake on your part, while others reveal simple oversights. Regardless of which kind of gaffe you made, admit that it was your fault.
- Comprehend the ramifications of the mistake. For instance, if you had unprotected sexual intercourse with a client, you could contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Or, if you send a picture of yourself (featuring your face) to a prospective client, the photo could easily be distributed over the Internet. Not every mistake has life-threatening consequences. However, others involve very serious threats. After you’ve made your mistake, brainstorm all of the hypothetical and actual effects it could have and how they could impact the success of your career as an escort.
- Find methods to remedy the negative effects of your misstep. If you are ill from unprotected contact with a client, seek medical attention to treat your infection. When your safety is threatened, consider calling the police or protecting yourself in other ways (such as obtaining a CCW permit and a weapon). Escorts need to take proactive positions when they discover they’ve seriously screwed up by preparing solutions before the full effects of their mistakes come to light. If they are ready for the worst, it can be dealt with in the best way possible. (And, outcomes don’t seem as bad when they are anticipated.) Plus, some ill effects may be circumvented if a “plan B” is implemented immediately.
- Apologize when necessary. Even though an apology won’t take away the negative effects of an error, it can always help soften them. Telling a client you are sorry for arriving late or not performing the service he was expecting you to won’t make everything “okay,” but it can help mend the relationship you have with your client. If a friend or family member discovers your double life, apologize to him or her for keeping a secret and failing to be completely honest. Saying you’re sorry is the best possible way to start conversations about how to fix any problems caused by your error. However, you have to realize that simply because you offer your apology, it doesn’t guarantee that everything will right itself immediately. Relationships (both business and personal) may never return to their previous states, depending on the severity of your error. But, it’s a step in the right direction.
- Come back strong. Mistakes, when they are serious, can be nearly debilitating by the effects they have on you or your career. Escorts often lose focus, are unable to forgive themselves and choose to wallow in their self-pity. Nothing positive can be accomplished by acting in any of these ways. Focus on moving forward and making a success of yourself, despite your snafu. Jazz legend Miles Davis once said, “When you hit a wrong note, it’s the next note that makes it good or bad.” By directing yourself back into working toward goals for your overall future, you ensure that your mistake doesn’t define your destiny. Even the most embarrassing or degrading experience can be worked through; hold your head high and take pride in the fact that your error can’t beat you down.
- Learn from your mistake. “Mistakes are the portals of discovery,” said American author James Joyce. Accomplished, intelligent, successful people make errors all of the time. But, because they learn from them, they don’t make the same ones repeatedly. Closely analyze what you did, and consciously determine how you can avoid making the same goof, again. And, often, it’s even possible to learn through what you do to correct your errors. Life is a learning process, and mistakes provide bumps in the road to slow you down so that you pay attention to the lessons provided to you.
- Give life time to “right” itself. Despite your best efforts, your mistakes won’t correct themselves immediately. Some things take awhile to work out. Try to have some patience and accept that instantaneous results are often unrealistic.
- Look for the silver lining. Even though situations seem dreadful at the time, there is often some good that comes from negative experiences. Maybe you developed a new friendship or learned an important lesson. Perhaps, you obtained trust for someone in your life. Or, maybe you simply discovered that your instincts were more “spot-on” than you gave them credit for being. It’s often said that things happen for a reason – keep your eyes open for positive aspects resulting from your circumstances.
Specific erroneous situations that escorts find themselves in that may require action include:
- Giving away freebies: It’s relatively common for an escort to get caught up in “the moment” and to allow a client to get the milk, without buying the cow, so to speak. If you discover that you practically gave yourself away to a client, don’t sweat it. Don’t do it again, and don’t put yourself in situations where you’re tempted by this client. Emphasize to him that what happened was a mistake, and that he should consider his “freebie” a great bonus, but not something he can expect to occur ever again. Additionally, insist on payment before any contact occurs between you and your client, so that you avoid any hormone-induced forgetfulness about collecting your fee.
- Getting too involved: Many escorts report situations where they’ve fallen for a client or become emotionally attached to one. It’s easy to do, especially when you share intimate moments and conversations with him. If you discover that you’re overly invested in your client’s life, back away immediately. Remind yourself (and him, too!) that your relationship is a purely professional one based on the mutual exchange of your time for his money. If you have difficulties distancing yourself emotionally from your client, stop seeing him altogether. It may make you sad for awhile, but your relationship is a recipe for serious heartbreak if you don’t do something about it early on.
- Sharing too much personal information: Some escorts discover that they’ve given a client too many details about their personal lives. Names and ages of family members, real names and ages and other details can give a client sufficient data to track you down in your genuine life. You may be able to block your client’s phone calls or get an unlisted phone number, but you may have to report him for harassment if his contact gets too frequent or becomes extremely unwelcome. If you suspect that a client is dangerous, consider carrying a concealed weapon. (Check on the CCW laws in your state to stay within legal guidelines.) In the future, do your best to think before you speak, leaving details to his imagination. Also, do not leave items laying around your incall that reveals information about you or carry personalized things with you when you go on outcalls (i.e. driver’s license, mail, family photos, etc.).
- Unintentional photos on the Internet: Cyberspace is an infinite world of opportunity. However, if you’ve emailed a photo to a client that you don’t want available online to others, you have no way of stopping him from distributing or sharing it. You can do your best to track down illegal uses of your image using a photo-tracking website or app, but there isn’t much you can do once your picture hits the Internet. In the future, don’t send photos to clients unless you approve of their distribution online.
- Failure to use protection: If you don’t use a condom with a client, serious consequences including STDs are possible. Seek medical attention for testing immediately and contact your physician for treatment if you notice any odd symptoms. Be extra careful with clients until your test results come in to confirm that you are negative for STDs. If you receive a positive STD report, approach the client you contracted the infection from and insist that he get treatment. You might also want to block this client from all future interactions with you.
- Booking a client who turns out to be someone you know: Being found out serendipitously is a bad deal. Always research your clients carefully as you perform a security check, noting any telling details that indicate you know them in real life, either currently or from previous experiences (such as being childhood neighbors or high school classmates).
- Getting stiffed: Some clients try to fool an escort into taking only partial payment for an encounter. They hand her an envelope with what feels like a sufficient amount of cash. Or, they may include counterfeit bills in it. Escorts should always count the money, examine the bills and look for anything odd about their payment. Don’t allow a client to go to the ATM after the encounter to pay the full amount or to catch up to you later with the full payment. Get your entire fee up front, before providing any time with a client.