One of the standard hazards of the job when you’re an escort is becoming cynical about life and the people in your world. Unfortunately, cynicism is one of the most common traits that escorts (especially seasoned ones) share across the board. That general mistrust of others and their motives damages an escort’s ability to have faith, hope and compassion for others.
Working in an industry that seems to be rittled with con artists, liars and cheats, it’s easy to see why an escort might become a bit disenchanted with the world. When you couple that with the stigma that is imparted upon her by society, an escort may easily believe the very worst of people, especially since that’s what others think of her.
If you’re the type of escort who has escaped this downward spiral into skepticism and mistrust, good for you! But, it’s essential to understand how easily it occurs.
Why cynicism is common among escorts
Cynicism is rooted in an individual’s ability to deal with emotions related to negative experiences. This state of mind is characterized by a general mistrust of others and their motives. Escorts who fall into the cynical category will often believe that people are selfish and ruled exclusively by materialistic, greedy, self-gratifying goals.
Feelings of cynicism are commonly the result of unfulfilled expectations or disappointment, often leaving an escort feeling betrayed or purposefully misled. In life, it’s expected to be a bit cautious of strangers, not knowing what to expect from them. However, escorts take this normal level of caution and amplify it to extreme levels. They have to. When they are allowing a client to spend time with them in private and under intimate terms, escorts have to ensure that the client is being truthful and will follow through with determined intentions. Their mistrust of clients protects their safety, livelihood and reputation. It keeps them from falling prey to individuals who will take advantage of them in many ways.
But, their misanthropic view of the world does nothing to enhance their overall optimism or outlook on life. In fact, it deepens their pessimism. Escorts develop cynicism as a result of the following types of situations:
- They’ve been taken advantage of too many times. Whether it started in their childhoods or didn’t begin until they became adults, being taken advantage of by people you trust really jacks with your emotions. Add to this typical interactions with clients as you climb the ladder to industry success. As escorts start out in their careers, they are unlikely to start with client lists full of loyal, trustworthy admirers. A list like that has to be built from the ground up, flushing out unreliable types. Escorts have to always be on guard to avoid timewasters and dangerous clients. However, despite best efforts, a scoundrel will sometimes pass through all screening procedures, making it seem like people are not to be trusted. Very little is worse in the escort industry than to communicate with a seemingly good prospective client, only to discover he misrepresented himself when he fails to show up, arrives in an undesirable state, attempts to push boundaries or physically/verbally threatens you.
- Society emphasizes the bad things in the world, making them seem more prevalent. Journalists tend to focus on negative news, always bringing out the scandalous or cruel aspects of the community. Crime against escorts is a reoccurring theme, and it automatically causes escorts to put up higher walls around themselves. Of course, visiting with strangers behind closed doors can create dangerous situations that escorts must be cautious about. However, society’s overall mistrust of others enhances the cynicism of an escort, too. Cases of murdered or assaulted escorts are highly common knowledge, while others that discuss great experiences with kind, gentle clients are forgotten. Additionally, society categorizes people who see clients as a seedier type, generally. This adds to the mistrust that escorts demonstrate as they enter the industry, assuming that their potential clients are threatening and less than reputable.
- Bad experiences have severe effects on cynicism. Even though an escort may have 100 brag-worthy encounters, one negative situation with a client will taint an otherwise positive view of her work history. As is hoped, most escorts move through their work days with generally decent clients. (They may be slightly unattractive, have annoying habits or seem a little quirky, but they are overall nothing to be too upset over.) However, even one situation where an escort feels threatened, belittled, harassed or pushed into doing something she is unwilling to engage in will skew her entire view of how the industry works. One bad client can change an escort’s perception of all of the individuals who contact her in the future. She may instantly mistrust what a client says and require him to prove himself, before taking him at face value. It’s human nature to allow an experience that negatively affects you to impact how you view the world. And, when you’re an escort, it’s not only human nature, but it’s also a defense mechanism used to avoid future situations.
- Cynicism becomes a habit. After escorts start down the road of cynicism, it’s a habit that is extremely hard to break. They discover that their pessimistic view of clients helps them weed out ones who will waste their time or have ill intentions. It allows them to see past the charming words and gestures, realizing what a client’s real mission is when he contacts an escort. Cynicism is a way to defend oneself against derogatory comments and insults. It’s also a definitive method to avoid feeling like the bad situations are directed at them, personally.
- The mindset of a cynic sets the stage for being able to do “just the job.” Escorts, especially at the beginning of their careers, may have disillusioned thoughts that they may find a Prince Charming, in disguise, in one of their clients. They may have fantasies that their clients relationships will evolve into something more than just a hasty encounter. As they develop their cynical view of the world and their career, they realize that they are simply performing services for their clients. It becomes clear to them that they must distance themselves from becoming emotionally attached to clients. In fact, it could be argued that this cynical view is an integral part of being able to perform the job professionally.
How to avoid and overcome cynicism
Even though cynicism is an expected hazard of the career, escorts don’t have to allow it to run their lives and their perspectives at all times. There are many internal tools escorts can use that will help derail negative thoughts. And, it’s fairly easy to implement procedures that focus on facts, rather than emotions, where cynicism is based.
Consider these methods to overcome and avoid a particularly pessimistic mindset:
- Deal with your emotions directly when situations occur that might cause the cynical side of you to prevail. Disappointment and feelings of betrayal often mask hurt feelings. Mistrust and general dislike for others are common ways to hush other emotions, too. Often, escorts never take time to deal with the real feelings that they are experiencing. Typically, a sense of betrayal and personal injury are the main issues faced when situations arise that create cynicism. If you take the time to directly approach what you’re really feeling, instead of jumping ahead with defensive behaviors, you may be able to overcome, to some extent, the lasting negative feelings you incur. A situation where a client lets you down or fails to follow through as you’ve expected may leave you feeling upset with the client and unhappy with yourself. Allow yourself to be sad or hurt before moving on to the next emotion. Being in the moment with your feelings may provide a stronger foundation for healthy mindsets than a quick response of negativity will.
- Place the blame where it belongs. When a client lies to you or misleads you in any other way, it’s easy to convince yourself that it was your fault. It’s not. You have to understand that you bear no responsibility for that particular client’s inability to be truthful with you. It isn’t because you trusted him or gave him the benefit of the doubt that took advantage of you. That client planned his or her intentions, without regard to your level of trust. When you lead your life in an optimistic way, it may leave you open to situations where you’re exposed to people’s dishonesty or negative inclinations. But, it does not cause them. Additionally, you have to place the blame on the individual who betrayed or hurt you, not all of society. It’s easy to say that “all” clients are after only one thing. Or that “everyone” lies. Or that “all” men and women cheat on their partners. Those statements are untrue. Placing the blame on all of society is unfair and inaccurate.
- Identify with others’ issues. Exercising compassion doesn’t make you weak or prone to being taken advantage of. When you take the time to understand a client’s motivations or circumstances, it’s much more likely that you will gain insight that you wouldn’t by otherwise judging him critically. Clients may have reasons that caused them to cancel encounters. They may be late to bookings due to circumstances beyond their control. Clients may let you down, without meaning to. For clients who are not repeat offenders, it’s best to give them the benefit of the doubt until you know their situations. Having a bit of empathy toward your clients can go along ways in creating loyal relationships. However, with that being said, don’t allow clients to prey upon your generosity and overall optimism. Clients who always seem to have “stuff” going on may be train wrecks with issues beyond what you want to deal with. Maintaining professional boundaries is essential with these clients.
- Stick to your policies as a way to eliminate emotional responses to clients. It’s easy to take issues personally when you’re directly dealing with clients. However, sticking to your policies and general procedures will reduce any tendencies you may have to make decisions based on your feelings or personal desires. For instance, if a client urges you to desist with the screening process, because he wants an immediate booking, refuse to do so, even if you feel an instant connection with him. Stick to your booking procedures. Don’t allow a client to convince you that it’s okay to meet him somewhere other than where you generally see clients, despite the fact that he’s trying to play on your sympathies. Basically, keep your emotions out of any part of your business transactions and booking processes with clients. This helps you maintain professional standards that keep you safe and successful. And, when a client doesn’t like what you have to say during this process, remind yourself that it’s not personal. (His comments, also, aren’t directed toward you….just your procedures.)
- Avoid taking client comments personally. Some clients aren’t going to like the way you look or talk or dress, etc. You may not look enough like their ex-girlfriend. Or, you may not be blonde/brunette/red haired enough. Or, you could be too fat/skinny/toned/flabby for a client. Regardless of what kind of criticism your client throws at you, avoid taking it personally. It isn’t about you or your personality, because the client doesn’t know anything about you, except what you allowed him to read in your profile. When you set yourself up with this kind of mindset, it’s much more difficult for clients to hurt you with their words. When their words simply bounce off of you, it’s easy to avoid cynicism that might occur otherwise.
- Use your common sense to detour problems. While cynicism and mistrust will lead you down a path where you don’t allow anyone to con you into anything, so will your common sense. Thinking a situation through prior to getting involved will help you avoid issues with clients who seem too good to be true, are lying or don’t follow through. Asking the right questions, doing your screening and exercising your smarts may keep you from potential disasters.
Why is cynicism a problem, anyway?
Many escorts feel that their cynicism is a survival mechanism that helps them avoid hurt feelings, dangerous situations and other issues that naive, less-experienced escorts may incur. What they don’t know, however, is that cynicism is having negative effects on their lives in at least three ways.
- Their health is negatively impacted by being cynical. Doctors and health care professionals all agree that dementia, depression, weight gain, heart disease and high blood pressure are all linked to pessimistic attitudes. Cortisol levels are higher in people who experience more stress and anxiety (often caused by cynical attitudes), which causes weight gain in the stomach area, destroys healthy muscle and bone, impairs digestion and weakens the immune system, for example. Overall, better health is experienced by people whose glasses are half full, instead of half empty.
- Relationships are harmed by cynical attitudes. It’s very common for cynical people to drive away and alienate their friends and family members with their negative outlooks, boorish comments and constant criticisms. Additionally, birds of a feather tend to flock together, grouping cynics with others like them. These kinds of relationships are hard to maintain when both people involved are mistrustful and pessimistic in the first place.
- Cynicism makes dealing with life’s troubles more difficult. Even though it’s seen as a way to keep from getting hurt, a negative attitude that expects the worst is actually detrimental when real problems surface. For instance, if a family member becomes ill, a cynical escort may naturally feel that he or she will never get better and go into a premature grieving mode. When the refrigerator breaks down, it’s difficult to focus on how to get it fixed or replaced, when all you can think of is how all of your food is going to go bad and how much it will cost to replenish it.
Overall, cynicism is a natural tendency of all escorts. After a few bad experiences, nobody can blame you for being a bit hesitant and slow to trust. But, you can’t let it get the best of you by influencing your overall outlook on life. Cynicism can make you moody and unpleasant to be around, and no client wants an escort who is no fun. Keeping your cynicism in check is the key and can easily be done when you focus on other things, besides negative situations.
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it
—George Bernard Shaw