Tendencies to settle into an anti-social funk are pretty common when you’re an escort. For your career, you’re accustomed to getting all dolled up for clients. Full make-up, teased and curled hair and the sexiest attire you can squeeze into, along with the whole regalia of lingerie and sexy stilettos are your general uniform as you plan to entertain clients. You have to look your very best when you’re heading out to an encounter, because your clients want a fantasy.
But it can become quite tiresome to have to fix yourself up so much each time you plan to see a client. Depending on your moods, you may actually dread getting ready for an encounter more than you dislike visiting with the clients, themselves. The entire process becomes boring and seems like too much work and effort.
It’s completely natural to want to veg out in your pajamas or favorite sweats when you have some time to yourself and no sessions to be booked. Many escorts find themselves settling into unnatural routines that isolate them from the rest of the world, due to their desires to avoid having to socialize or go out in public when they don’t have to. Finding an acceptable compromise between the requirement to be a social butterfly as an escort and the inclination to become a hermit during personal time is a challenge. Here are some tips to use to strike a natural balance.
- Give yourself the green light to be lazy and anti-social once in awhile. If you don’t intend to spend every waking moment that you aren’t seeing clients cooped up under a rock, don’t sweat your anti-social inclination too seriously. Wanting some down time to simply hang out is fully acceptable. You work hard and serve clients in a demanding career. It’s only natural for you to yearn for a chance to put your feet up, throw your hair back in a pony tail and not feel the need to put on a personal show. Working in a career that demands you to be physically beautiful all of the time will create a desire to just “be.” Not having to dress up, fix your hair or put on makeup is such a relief, when it’s expected of you every other time you leave the house. Allow yourself some space to enjoy the opportunity to simply be yourself with yourself.
- Allow yourself to project a casual image. Pressure to look gorgeous each time you step foot out your door can become overwhelming. The time it takes to maintain a perfect appearance is cumbersome and takes you away from other activities that you may be enjoying during your personal time away from escorting. However, you don’t have to be at your most beautiful level to enjoy a movie or dinner with friends. Adopt an easier to maintain look by not curling your hair every time or adjusting your make-up to a minimal finish. You can still look put together when wearing a sweater and jeans, with a little mascara and lip gloss. Sometimes, the feeling that you have to get ready again is what prevents you from socializing with others. You don’t have to allow it to prevent you from having a good time. Remember, in real life, less is more. Adopt a more natural look and socializing may become much more attractive.
- Recall how much fun your family members and friends are. Sometimes, all it takes to get you off of your couch and out the door is a recollection of a fun time with others. Thinking of a time you and your bestie laughed so hard lemonade shot out of your nose or how much enjoyment you got from people watching with your brother could encourage you to make the minimal effort required to get ready for a day out and about. By staying put at home, you may miss out on all of the family fun or misadventures with your BFF. When you remember the good times you’ve had with others, you will feel persuaded to create more fun times. If you know you always have a good time with the people you are making plans with, it helps make the effort to shower and change worth it.
- Compromise with yourself about an event. If a planned activity really isn’t your cup of tea, promise yourself that after being there for a certain amount of time, it’s okay to leave if you’re not having a good time. In life, it’s true that people are invited to events that aren’t especially fun for them, but they are still expected to attend. By not attending your pal’s bridal shower or her firstborn’s birthday party, you may be disappointing her seriously. You don’t have to do that, but you don’t have to completely dread the activity, either. Tell yourself that if you’re not having fun, you get to leave and pick up take-out you’ve been craving. Or, reward yourself in other ways that make the activity worthwhile. Maybe, on the way home, you will pick up that new bag or shoes you’ve been wanting. Giving yourself an out after arriving is key to feeling positive about going to an activity, in any case, whether you’re an escort or not.
- Agree only to activities that you are looking forward to. Dreading an event or party is going to discourage you from getting ready and cause you to want to hibernate, instead. While there will be some activities that you are required to participate in (your grandparents’ anniversary party at the nursing home, for instance), most don’t necessitate your involvement. If an activity is something you aren’t excited about, don’t go. However, don’t use this as an excuse to just hole up at home. While it’s nice to enjoy some time relaxing at home, you need to get out, too. If you decline an invitation to go to the bar with your girls, opt, instead, to go to brunch with your neighbor. When you line up your schedule with things you enjoy, staying home isn’t nearly as attractive of an alternative.
- Develop the right attitude to have fun regardless of where you are or what you’re doing. Some people just have a sunny outlook on life and can make lemonade from lemons, despite challenging obstacles. Escorts, generally, have that type of personality as they go from encounter to encounter. But, in their personal lives, many of them tend to be much more critical and pessimistic. Ditch the bad attitude and attempt to find something positive about everything you’re involved in. Even if the restaurant you and your boyfriend pick for dinner is TERRIBLE, enjoy the atmosphere and his company. Focus on the positives of the situation, instead of the negatives, and socializing becomes much easier.
- Understand that isolation is unhealthy. Everyone needs friends. Hiding yourself away from others is not doing anything to improve your mental well being. Escorts who find that they are avoiding social activities with friends should try to move past their isolating habits. If you are using the excuse that your friends have stopped asking you to do things with them, it’s time to step up and dole out the invitations to them. They probably quit inviting you, because you always turned them down. They just naturally assumed that your answer was going to be no, so they left you off the party list. Get back on your friends’ agendas by asking them to go to lunch or on an outing with you. You can’t live under a rock and live a happy, fulfilling life. You must work to revive your old interests and hobbies.
- Avoid being paranoid about others finding out your secret. Escorts have an inclination to be overly paranoid that their loved ones will discover what they do for a living and abandon them. However, when you stop associating with them out of fear, you’re still losing them from your life. Stop being paranoid and go out with your friends. The likelihood that they know about your private career is marginal. Unless you’re behaving in a suspicious manner, your loved ones have no reason to think that you’re an escort. Reactivate your social involvement by replacing your paranoia with general confidence in your relationships with friends. They love you for who you are and enjoy spending time with you. Focus on this, instead of your worries about being found out.
- Recognize the signs of depression as you become anti-social. Depression is a common problem for people who work in the adult entertainment industry. They walk fine lines between abiding by their own moral codes and living up to societal standards. Being constantly judged by the culture you live in is hard to deal with and can result in feelings of sadness, hopelessness and despair. These feelings often manifest themselves in self isolation or the avoidance of social settings you once enjoyed. Realize that if you’re just too wrapped up in your own worry or self-judgment to go enjoy yourself socially you might need to seek professional counseling. Depression is no joke. It’s a serious affliction that could be causing your anti-social funk. Get help if you can’t seem to shake it.
- Take some extra time off. Anti-social tendencies might just be the result of not getting to spend much uninterrupted time at home doing what you want to do. An indicator that you need some time off without planned activities or schedules, your desire to hibernate could be completely natural if you’ve been going full tilt with your career and personal life recently. Escorts often attempt to fulfill everyone’s expectations of them. From pleasing your clients to getting your children to and from their practices, games and school, you may be stretching yourself thin. Take a look at your most recent schedule to determine if you just need some down time to enjoy. If so, try to adjust your schedule so that you have some quiet periods to enjoy your own solitude at home. It’s refreshing and may spring you back into the social butterfly you are naturally.
- Make dates that you set in stone. It’s pretty common for escorts to make plans, only to break them when a client offer is too good to refuse. Or, if your escort encounter schedule has been slim pickings lately, you will probably jump at the chance to make a few hundred dollars in an evening, despite having to cancel plans with your gal pals. It’s discouraging to make plans, when it’s possible you’ll have to break them when a client calls. When you’ve ditched your plans so many times, it’s easy to do it again, thinking that you’re probably going to have to cancel anyways. Don’t give in to this urge. Buy tickets in advance to sporting events or performances, make reservations or schedule a date that you can’t cancel. This will keep you excited about your plans, because you know that you won’t be passing them up for the chance to work.
- Schedule FUN plans. It’s not terribly exciting to go grocery shopping and then to the mall for new gym shoes for your kid. These kinds of plans may just discourage you more from doing anything socially with others. But, when you make plans to do something you love, it’s an extra incentive to get off your rear and shed those sweatpants. Go to a concert, catch up with old friends, go dancing or get your creative side going with painting lessons. Establish fun things to do in your life and you won’t even contemplate staying at home on the couch in your pajamas.
- Entertain normal social interactions to offset the dysfunctional aspects of your escorting career. Being an escort is pretty odd, when it comes right down to it. Meeting someone and becoming intimately involved with them a few minutes after the first handshake can be a bit daunting for new escorts. Pretending to be someone you’re not is also the foundation for a truly dysfunctional lifestyle. Try to balance the dysfunctional parts of your professional life with common social interactions in your personal habits. Going out with friends, spending time with family and engaging in community activities will help keep you grounded and in a better position to know who you really are. Many escorts find that they have trouble with their identify after playing the role for so long; a strong circle of friends and family members can help you retain your sense of self. To maintain this circle, you must get up and out of the house.