When you start a career in most industries, you don’t have to worry about how it will change your interactions with people you care about. It’s rare that a job will cause major shifts in who you spend time with or how your family feels about you. However, when you become an adult services provider, it’s possible that your entire social network will shift.
- Secrecy: Because society typically frowns upon the adult entertainment industry, people in these careers often decide to keep their jobs a secret from their friends and families. Instead of facing the consequences that are often the result of sharing the new career choice, it’s easier to omit the truth or simply lie about what you do. But, as you keep secrets from the people you love, it weighs heavily on you. The more questions they ask, they more you have to lie to keep up the facade. You find yourself covering up story after story… digging yourself in deeper and deeper. For most people, lying feels innately bad and creates a wedge (unwillingly) between you and your loved ones. Sometimes, because you just don’t want to deal with feeling like you have to pretend around them, you decide to avoid spending time with your loved ones.
- Judgment: Most people don’t understand the adult entertainment industry. Because society attaches such negative stigmas to careers associated with adult entertainers, it’s possible that your relationships with others will be strained, to say the least. Your parents may be disgusted that you would choose to share your body with complete strangers. They may be disappointed in you, as you were “raised better!” They may fight with you and make ultimatums, trying to force you to quit your new-found career. Finally, they may try to save you from yourself. Of course, why would their child want to willingly engage in such obscene acts with others? They may encourage you to go to church, attend professional counseling or save your soul through intervening in other ways. Because they think the worst of the adult industry, they automatically think that what you’re doing is bad. Proud parents and family members may become estranged, due to your choices.
- Sadness: If your friends and family members discover what “heinous” things you do as an adult entertainer, they may be sad for you. Your parents will feel like they failed you in some way, allowing you to go astray. They feel like they may have lacked in the guidance you needed. Your friends may dream up the terrible deeds you have to endure in order to bring in a little cash. Again — they think the worst. They buy into the media’s depiction that women are subjected to traumatic events as exotic dancers, escorts or webcam performers. People assume that you’re victimized or brainwashed into feeling like you have to serve a “pimp.” They fail to understand that it’s your choice and that you are making it willingly. But, because of what they believe, they are sad for you. They may act depressed and weepy around you, really changing the dynamics of your relationship with them.
- Drift apart: For many of the reasons already mentioned, it’s likely that you may drift apart from some of your loved ones. However, you may not get to spend as much time with some of your friends or family members as a result of when you spend time with clients and customers. You may be working during hours or on days that they have off. An adult entertainer’s work schedule is flexible, yes, but it also has to include availability when clients have free time. This is often when your friends may want to go to a movie or your children want to snuggle up at bedtime. Not having time to spend with your family and friends may result in feeling like you don’t know them at all — and, vice versa. They often feel like suddenly they never see you because you are at work. Despite being able to pick your own schedule, it’s a tricky task to balance the hours you spend entertaining and the time you have for your social life.
- Jealousy: If you’ve just started in your adult entertainment career, you may have suddenly come into more money than you’re used to having. As you become more experienced, you may find that you have money to spare, even after paying your bills. This is such a nice feeling to have and allows you to buy more, do things you’ve only dreamed of before and advance your own lifestyle. However, others may not know your secret and wonder how you’re doing it. Even if they do know about your career, they may be jealous of your new income. If you’ve always commiserated about being unable to afford designer clothes or luxury vacations, they may be envious of the things you’re able to do now with your income. They may assume that you’re wealthy, try to take advantage of you and speak about you behind your back. The green-eyed monster may raise its head, even in the best friendships. You should probably refrain from flaunting your new money, as a way to ward off these feelings in your relationships.
- Allure: For people who aren’t swayed by the stigma placed on the adult entertainment industry, they may be star struck by your new career. They may think that being a high-end escort or webcam model is all about luxury, wealth and beauty. Not understanding how hard you work for your customers and clients, they may assume that you have it extremely easy. When you hang out together, your friends may forget that you’re the same girl they roomed with in college or that they jumped rope with in the elementary school play yard. It may put a strain on the relationship when they insist that you’re a celebrity in the industry. They will constantly ask questions, wanting to know the inside scoop about what you do. They want to know who your customers are and what they are like. And, while it’s nice that they are interested in your work, it can get a little taxing to answer all of their questions.
- Stronger: Some relationships may get stronger with your new career choice. Due to your flexible schedule, you may be able to spend more time with a significant other or your kids. You may be less stressed over money, which will allow you to be happier and more “yourself”. You’re not fully consumed with what bill needs paying next or how you’re behind on some other obligations. You don’t feel guilt over not being around for your friends. And, you get to create a lifestyle that is happier, more consistent and less worried. You may be able to provide more for your family, including a better home, nicer clothes and improved schools. Everyone in your family may be relieved with the change, which will enhance bonds and relationships.
- New friends: While you may or may not retain your current relationships, you will probably make some friends in your new work network. Often, adult entertainers report that their work buddies become like family. They get to vent to each other, discuss the trials and tribulations of work issues and connect in a way that you can’t with others who are not in the industry. They know what it’s like to be an exotic dancer or escort. However, you have to be cautious as you make new friends in this new network. Don’t be too trusting too easily. Some people (just like in any business) are back stabbers and will take advantage of you to get ahead, themselves. Beware of these types. Observe before jumping in too deeply with any new friends. Don’t divulge personal details with them until you know they are trustworthy or have trusted you with similar things.
- Strained romance: If you’re currently in a romantic relationship, your significant other may feel threatened by your career. It’s incredibly difficult for partners to understand how you share your body with others for money, even though the relationship you have with them is special, too. They often feel betrayed and let down. It’s challenging to find romance with new partners, because, eventually, you have to tell them what you do for a living (unless you want to live a lie). Unless the new partner is an adult entertainer, too, it’s going to be hard to explain exactly what you do and how it doesn’t damage the relationship you are building. Intimacy and communication are keys to forming new love connections and maintaining your career. Plus, after you’ve engaged in intimate acts with clients all day or night, it may not be too tempting to get involved with anyone else. Your career may actually steer you clear of romance for awhile.
- Outside pressure: Your loved ones may experience pressure from society if you are open about your career. Again, that stigma associated with adult entertainment providers will not only follow you around, but it will also impact your loved ones. Your children may be the subject of ridicule at school. Your spouse will be targeted with judgment. Your other family members will be clucked at in disapproval. Due to the pressure placed upon them by others, your loved ones may unthinkingly distance themselves from you to avoid this scrutiny. They may not want to be associated with you. Nobody wants to be the topic of gossip or negative conversations. If being your friend or child requires that, they may not want any part of it. Be careful who all finds out about your career, as it can have huge effects on the people you love, causing them big problems and heartache.
- Real friends: Often, when society rears its ugly head with disapproval and criticism, you will find out who your real friends are. They are the ones who stick with you, despite what everyone else says about you. They don’t judge. They just want you to be happy. They may not understand your career choices. Your friends may not know what you do each day for work. But, it’s okay with them. They love you no matter what, regardless of anything else. When your secret gets out of the bag, only the loyal will remain. Sometimes, it’s disheartening to see the people you love run away from you. But, it also helps to know who your true friends are and who genuinely loves you. At least this way, you know who you can definitely depend on.
- Tainted attitude: In your career, you may see a little bit of everything from your clients and customers. Many of their actions may disappoint you and cause you to be distrustful of others. Clients who don’t show up as promised, try to dicker with you on your rates or take advantage of you otherwise will really make you wonder if people have an honest bone in their bodies. You may see clients at their worst, as they divulge their deepest, darkest secrets. Their dark sides may create doubt in your visions of humanity. Also, as your loved ones have forsaken you due to your “immoral” job, it may cause you to build walls that will prevent you from developing close friendships in the future. Becoming emotionally distant is a definite pitfall of the job. Developing an attitude that nobody can touch your heart is a natural reaction, but not a very healthy one. Try to keep your tainted attitudes in check and not let them ruin your chances at healthy relationships.
- Sexually interesting: As a provider of adult entertainment services, you may learn more about sex and passion than you ever thought possible. Your enhanced knowledge may do a lot to heat up your current romantic relationships, as you have a few more tricks in your bag. Becoming more open-minded and experienced will up the ante for you and your significant other, especially if he’s an adventurous spirit, too. Additionally, after dancing all night for clients and getting them hot and bothered, you may be excited to get home to your spouse for some “fun” of your own. Your partner will be the target of your arousal, which will definitely end up in a pleasant experience for him.
When you accept a job in a “normal” field of work, you don’t expect it to so heavily impact your life. However, the adult entertainment industry is an entirely different ball of wax filled with benefits and disadvantages. Finding a balance when you enter the industry is essential for maintaining your relationships.
Overall, the best tip you can use to keep your relationships healthy is to communicate. Talk about your feelings, without fighting. Be open and honest. Allow others to own their emotions. And be empathetic.