Fetishes are fine and dandy until they go too far. Sexual health professionals contend that there are no right and wrong fetishes, and that most forms of sexual arousal (as long as they don’t cause anyone uninvited suffering) are perfectly acceptable, until they start bringing shame, stress and legal attention to the parties involved.
Recently, the “Swiss Cheese Pervert”, as coined by Philadelphians, traveled around the area, openly propositioning women with the hopes of finding one who would be willing to watch him place Swiss Cheese on his genitals. While his obsession with Swiss cheese is perfectly fine, his fetish became a problem when he exposed himself to random strangers and discusses his obscure passions with them, without their consent.
Escorts deal with clients who have common and off-the-wall fetishes all of the time. In fact, some escorts only deal with clients who want their fetish desires fulfilled. Most of the time, the fetishes are innocent enough and cause little trouble (other than a bit of preparation or a slight mess). However, once in awhile, a client will begin to exhibit behaviors that indicate the fetish is becoming a more serious issue. Consider these signs of a fetish gone wrong:
- A client has a problem when his fetish begins to attract the attention of family members, friends or colleagues. Typically, clients feel the need to keep their fetishes secret. They explore them discreetly, without leaving them open to the prying, disapproving eyes or insights of the people they interact with daily. They avoid allowing others to know about what they do in private, feeling that revealing details about their secret desires and passions would result in being viewed differently. However, when a client starts to let down his guard and express his passions more freely, it’s an indicator that his needs for the fetish may be overruling his good sense. Getting caught up in the moment is one thing, but a client who fails to protect his reputation, livelihood, relationships and way of life, because his fetish is controlling him is another problem altogether.
- Clients who act out on their fetishes in public may need help. Unless a client has outted himself to the world as a member of the BDSM community, a cross dresser or open foot worshipper (for example), he usually limits his fetish desires to activities that occur behind a closed door with his favorite escort. When clients begin exhibiting their behaviors in public or being willing to explore them openly in front of others, it could simply be a sign that he’s becoming comfortable with himself. Or, it can be an indicator that his passions are overwhelming him. Serious problems can arise when a fetishist acts out with audiences who strongly disapprove of his behavior. For instance, a cross-dressing client in full garb probably shouldn’t enter a biker bar where patrons don’t like that type of stuff. A fight could break out, and the client could be injured. Additionally, clients who engage in flashing or nudity of other kinds may force their fetishes upon others who are not willing to give their consent.
- Trouble with the law is a sure-fire sign of a fetish gone wrong. Any client who engages in his favorite fetish openly and attracts attention from law enforcement is going down a road of self destruction. A client who is arrested for public nudity, solicitation, assault or other sexual crime has taken his desires too far. Some clients may become aroused by rubbing up on others who have not granted consent. This fetish is called frotteurism. It’s common on public buses or subways, and many people are arrested for excessive displays of it each year. If your client begins to tell you tales of being chased by the cops, arrested or questioned by law enforcement, he may need encouragement to curb his behaviors. Additionally, clients who develop illegal fetishes (such as pedophilia), should never act on them, except for in role-play scenarios with consenting escorts. (Many escorts turn down these scenarios.)
- Clients who can’t enjoy acts of intimacy without incorporating their fetishes may have problems. A client who is unable to climax or become aroused in traditional, sexual ways has probably desensitized himself to other erotic pleasures. He has become so accustomed to the arousal and excitement he experiences through his favored fetish, no other means of sexual enticement can get him turned on. Escorts who notice that clients can only explore certain behaviors through their encounters with them in order to obtain an erection may wonder why previous methods of arousal no longer work. If a client has become reliant on a certain method (his fetish), he cannot translate other actions, sensations, etc. in sexual stimuli that will cause him excitement. It’s like he’s immune to other activities he once enjoyed. Not only can he not climax in association with these alternative activities, most clients are completely uninterested in trying anything new, different or other than their fetish desires.
- Clients who become compulsive about their fetishes have serious issues. When the fetish controls a client’s every thought, it’s bad news. Many people are diagnosed with sex addictions every year, many of them associating them with fetishes. And, while the fetish, itself, isn’t bad or unhealthy, their addiction to it is going to negatively affect their lives. Clients who are caught masturbating, viewing fetish-related porn and are constantly indulging in other fetish activities may lose their jobs, families and friends. When a fetish consumes a client’s ambitions and desires, he can no longer focus on anything else.
- A client’s fetish has gone too far when you don’t enjoy it anymore. If you’re the only person he explores his fetish with, you both have to be willing to participate in it. If it’s gotten tiresome, obsessive or excessive, you may have decided that you simply don’t want to engage in the activity any longer. Clients who only want to perform fetish-related actions may not understand that, for you, their fetishes have gone too far. Many escorts find that a fetish is demeaning, too much work, makes them feel negatively about the client or themselves or is cumbersome in some other way. After a long exploration of the fetish, an escort may come to the conclusion that the adventure has gone too far for her.
- Clients who get injured or hurt others through their fetish experiences have likely gone too far. In some fetish experiences, it’s common for some slight injuries to occur. For instance, clients who like an escort to whip or spank them may incur a few whelps from the “abuse.” However, rarely are the injuries severe. But, if a client wants to engage in fetishes that cause life-threatening injuries or conditions, their desires are exceeding reasonable limitations. Some clients like the feeling of climax at the same time they are being asphyxiated. There are safe ways to engage in this desire, while others may result in death. Many clients explore enemas as a form of sexual fetish. These are usually risk-free, but may create problems for a client’s body if done improperly or excessively. When safe boundaries for a fetish are neglected, a client may be going too far in search of his excitement and arousal.
- Clients who abandon relationships and opt to submerge themselves in alternative fetish circles may experience detrimental results. While everyone should feel free to explore their sexual desires, clients who decide to completely bail on their friends, family members, romantic partners and their lives, in general, in favor of an alternative lifestyle may be damaging their lives. Of course, many people fare quite well in alternative cultures which openly accept fetishes and obscure desires. But, most clients are unwilling, under normal conditions, to leave their “normal” lives behind. They’ve worked too hard, endured too much and strived too long to give up on their traditional dreams. Escorts often witness clients’ demise into fetish groups, only to hear them complain later about what they gave up.
Escorts who observe clients who are going too far with their fetishes can do many things. The first, and most common, is to do nothing. Clients are not your personal responsibility. You are under no obligation to guide, direct or counsel your clients about their wishes, desires or fantasies. Getting involved in their fetish issues is none of your business, unless it directly involves your health or well-being.
However, with that being said, many escorts are much more experienced than their clients are. Clients may pay heed to input from an escort, when they wouldn’t listen to others, due to the intimate bonds he’s formed with her during his fetish exploration period. Consider these actions when you work with a client who has gone too far:
- Discuss your concerns with the client. If you see him heading down a road to self destruction, talk to him about it. Tell him the negative signs you see him exhibiting and share stories of others who have had difficulties with the same issues. Make sure he realizes that you are not judging him, in any way, but that you are concerned he is taking his physical desires too far and not exercising good judgment. Encourage him that you have his best interests at heart and want to know how he feels about his recent preferences and behavior.
- Remind your client of his previous desires and preferences. Before he began exploring his favorite fetish, your client probably enjoyed more traditional aspects of sex and intercourse. He preferred other activities during your encounters that didn’t include the fetish. If necessary, use explicit terms, descriptions and re-enactments to remind your client what he used to like. Through this trip down memory lane, your client may realize that he’s missing out on a lot by limiting his activities only to his fetish exploration. He may want to examine his sexual desires and preferences and analyze how they’ve changed over the time he’s spent with you. It could be possible that he may be interested in adventuring into a new fetish or area of desire. (Of course, this could lead to similar problems down the road. But, for the time being, it could alleviate current issues.)
- Incorporate new activities gradually into your services during encounters. Continue to indulge your client in the fetish that he prefers, but persuade him to try other activities, too. If your client has difficulties climaxing any other way, he may be hesitant to attempt other intimacies. But, after several tries, he may find that he can become aroused as a result of other methods, too. (This may be a relief to him!) If an activity doesn’t work after a few tries, abandon it and attempt something else new or different. Don’t be afraid to implement tried and true methods that aren’t “new,” too. Clients may take some time and patience to re-sensitize to certain activities. So, it could be a long journey to get him down a road of enjoying various forms of sexual arousal.
- Encourage professional help. Some clients are beyond your capabilities to help them. Their issues may run deeply, stemming from childhood or adolescent traumas or experiences. If this is the case, your client’s fetish desires may be strongly rooted and require the insight of a skilled professional. You must be careful when you recommend that your client seek professional assistance. Do not judge, criticize or label him. Express your concern for him, citing specific examples. He may or may not be prone to identify with your position.
- End your relationship with your client. Many escorts find that they can no longer help their clients, when fetishes take control of their lives. They have grown apart in preferences and needs, and an escort’s skill set doesn’t coincide with the client’s desires any more. Additionally, as an escort, you may have just had enough and are uninterested in pursuing further encounters with a fetish-focused client. His fantasies may exceed the realms of what you typically offer through a GFE, and you no longer want to engage in intimacies with him. If this is the case, let your client know that you plan to “break up” with him. If possible, refer him to another escort who suits his needs more fully. Or, help him look online for someone who will “treat him right.”
Remember that despite a client’s bond with you, your obligations to him are limited to actions taken during the encounter. As long as you make sure you have provided him with pleasure and satisfaction during the time he requests, you are doing your job. You never have to engage in any activities you don’t want to or explore a fetish you find undesirable, regardless of how harmless it might seem.