One of the misnomers about becoming a successful escort is that you must put up a tough image, as emotions and personal involvement have no place in the industry. However, much to the contrary, what many clients are actually looking for is compassion, empathy, listening, and kindness, which are lacking in their daily lives. However, it is true that when you work in the business, keeping a stiff upper lip is necessary
due to the timewasters, no-shows and pranksters, along with those clients who are just simply cruel, disrespectful and impolite.
Finding a balance is tricky, but essential if you want to find yourself in a fulfilling escort career, instead of one that consists of just going through the motions. These tips should help you become more emotionally centered, while still protecting yourself from clients:
- Set clear boundaries between you and your clients. This is one of the most basic fundamentals of escort success. Establish early on with clients that the relationship you share is business-oriented, ONLY. Any affection you demonstrate during encounters is for the good of the session and not related to any personal feelings. Let your clients know that you do not, under any circumstances, date clients or become friends with them outside of the professional relationship. Do not be wishy-washy with your terms, allowing your clients to believe that you might be swayed to change your mind about how you personally feel about a them. As you establish these limits, it still provides you with opportunities to exhibit affection, compassion and kindness. But, clients will know that they cannot read more into your generosity.
- Expect some clients to be jerks. Just like in the real world, some of your clients will be the less preferable types. Knowing that the potential to run into these kinds exists will help you avoid feeling badly about ALL clients. Lumping all of your clients into the “bad apple” lot will taint your view about all of them, causing you to become much less open-minded and cold. Not all clients deserve this, as many are perfect gentlemen when they come to see you. They still deserve your kindness and gentleness, despite the bad attitudes of others. Accepting the fact that some clients are just not going to be your favorites (or might be completely unacceptable for future encounters) will let you enjoy the positive aspects of escorting, which gives clients better experiences.
- Exhibit confidence with clients. If you’re afraid that letting your guard down opens you up to being taken advantage of, try warding off bad experiences with self-assuredness. Law enforcement experts suggest in self defense classes that a person should walk confidently and with purpose to reduce the odds of being attacked, as perpetrators are less likely to target confident people. The same goes for the escort industry. An escort who demonstrates she is confident, capable and street smart is much less likely to attract timewasters and intentional no-shows. You are also less likely to book encounters with clients who expect to verbally or physically abuse you. (Disclaimer: This is not to say you can ward off all dangerous situations.) By showing clients that you are sure of yourself, you make them question their resolve to try to exploit you. You can be confident and “nice” all at the same time, especially when you feel comfortable that your clients don’t see it as a weakness.
- Use your common sense about being “nice.” Clients who are mean-spirited or unkind don’t deserve your agreeable disposition or generosity. Don’t be so simple minded as to think you must be nice to all clients, despite their behaviors toward you. And, if a client repeatedly milks your affections or plays on your kindness, be savvy enough to call him on it. Or, quit delivering the compliments, compassion or empathy. If it doesn’t feel like your client appreciates your efforts to be good to him, quit trying. Your common sense should tell you when a client is treating you in an inappropriate manner; don’t go out of your way to be nice to him. However, if you feel that a client has made a mistake, there’s been a misunderstanding or he is attempting to change, trust your gut as you lay on the sweetness.
- Avoid being gullible. Some clients will try to take advantage of your nice actions toward them with outlandish stories or situations. This tip heavily coincides with having common sense. When a client repeatedly misses encounters or is late, he may expect you to understand each time that his crisis or problem prevented him from following through as expected. It’s incredibly unlikely that his life is truly that traumatic. Unless he is living in a soap opera, his problems are probably not that severe or that numerous. Some clients make up unbelievable stories about their lives, just to elicit emotion from you. Others will expect extra services or time, as an antidote to their “dramatic issues.” Don’t allow these clients to get to you, even if you are trying to be empathetic with them. It’s one thing to provide a shoulder for crying on, but it’s another to violate your own rules that you’ve set up in Step 1. Remember that being nice does not mean giving anything for free.
- Accept that clients are human. People make mistakes. Misunderstandings are common. Some clients are going to bungle meeting times/dates repeatedly — they do this in their personal and professional lives, so it’s really no surprise they do it with you, too. They may say the wrong thing at the wrong time. It’s all summed up to being human and not being perfect. If you expect your clients to never screw up when it comes to being with you, your expectations are entirely too high. Of course, time is money, especially when it comes to your career. But, there will be times that good clients do bad things, causing you to have to adjust your schedule or rethink your relationship with them. Don’t take acceptance so far that you allow your clients to wipe their feet on you, but don’t be so harsh and judgmental that you can’t see past a common error that your client is sorry for. In situations where a client knows he screwed up, it’s perfectly acceptable to be nice and accept his apology. It does nothing to tarnish your professional relationship; in fact, it may help bolster it.
- Being nice does not mean going overboard with affection or kindness. Just because you are generous and compassionate toward clients doesn’t mean that you have to constantly lavish them with compliments and affection. It is possible to go to the extreme when you’re trying to balance out the kind vs. tough issue. It’s appropriate to be understanding when your client has a true conflict with an encounter booking or arrives late because he lost the directions to your incall. It’s inappropriate to allow a client to avoid blame when he’s late due to choosing to finish up a golf game or having another drink with the guys. Additionally, some clients don’t want you to be all mushy-gushy during an encounter; get a feel for your client and gauge their preferences for the level of affection you exhibit during a booking. In fact, some clients even prefer you to be a bit “hard-to-get” at the beginning.
- It’s better to make a mistake than to be unkind, especially in the beginning. During the booking process, it’s sometimes hard to judge whether a client is a true timewaster or just nervous. Some escorts immediately give clients the brush off or the cold shoulder, if they sense any trace of abnormality, whatever their personal definition of normal is, but this may not be the best approach. While it’s wise to not waste a lot of time on prospective clients, you shouldn’t be so uninterested in them that they go to another escort, instead. Finding a balance is necessary. Beyond the initial booking process, it’s tempting to quickly judge a client and his intentions if they don’t seem to line up with your expectations. But, you could be making a mistake. Giving a client a chance to prove himself and being kind about it is the sign of being a good escort. All clients want human compassion. Until a client proves that he’s unworthy of your kindness, you should always be willing to give it.
- Apply the golden rule to your escort business. Treating others the way you want to be treated is a great rule to apply in your daily life and your escort career. Listen to yourself talk to clients and determine if this is the way you would want an escort to discuss a booking with you. Pay attention to your tone of voice and the attention you give to clients. If you feel that you wouldn’t appreciate your behavior if the shoe was on the other foot, maybe it’s time that you rework your delivery or actions. It’s common for people to mirror the attitudes they witness in others; if you arrive at an encounter in a bad mood with little interest in your client, he may exhibit the same behavior toward you. However, if you get to an encounter with a confident, positive outlook and provide compliments and kindness, your client may be a dream to work with. Many people believe that you get what you give. Make sure it’s compassion, graciousness and happiness.
- Don’t be fooled twice. When you’re a “nice” escort, it’s possible that a client will fool you with his actions. Having a tainted view of clients may help you avoid getting taken advantage of (because you take fewer risks or give less chances to clients), but it’s not a way to earn repeat clients who provide enjoyable experiences. However, when your attempts to be understanding with a client backfire and you learn he’s walked all over you and your kindness, don’t allow it to happen, again. You can either block that client or exercise much stricter policy crackdowns with him in the future. Avoid giving him any leeway and refuse to accept excuses or bogus explanations for his bad behavior. Put him on notice that you are aware he took advantage of you, because he might be tempted to try it, again, otherwise. Informing a client that you feel disrespected or betrayed after exhibiting empathy may be enough to put him back in line. However, it may just run him off, in search of another escort he can fool. If that’s the case, good riddance!
- Keep in mind that punishing all clients for one’s mistake is ineffective. If you’ve had a bad experience with one client, implementing ridiculous policies for all of your clients will only alienate them. It’s perfectly acceptable to require a repeat no-show to pay a deposit or to confirm an hour ahead of time. But, if you haven’t done this with all of your clients, don’t do it now. Remember that they are not the root of your problem and stay kind to them.
- Avoid getting involved with your clients’ troubles. When you establish escort/client relationships with loyal, repeat bookings, it’s easy to get embroiled in the drama of a client’s life. You may learn about his relationships, career and other issues. You may even begin to see this client as a friend that you see under intimate conditions. These interactions are fine. But, when you begin to take on his troubles or concerns as your own, you’re going too far with your compassion. For instance, if your client is having trouble with his company and you begin to research ways he can save his product, you’re getting too involved. Or, if you check in on his daughter at her place of employment, because you feel like you know her so well, you’re totally overstepping the boundaries of your relationship. Being compassionate and friendly with your clients is terrific and required to establish a successful escorting career. However, letting their issues become yours is going too far.
- Do it for your health. Psychologist Jonathan Haidt reports in Psychology Today that being kind and nice to others through work and personal relationships produces a feeling known as elation. Through this emotion, feelings of anxiety and worry are reduced or eliminated. Further Psychologist David R. Hamilton, Ph.D., reports in The Huffington Post that happiness equates to better health and improved mental states. By simply being nice to clients, you boost your own physical and mental health, along with giving them a good dose of happiness, too.
A sought-after escort is the one who radiates compassion, kindness, gentleness, affection, and creates a positive atmosphere for her clients. At all points of the process, from booking to the actual encounter, escorts should be nice to their clients. However, due to the requirement to avoid emotional involvement, many escorts feel that being nice is somehow a weakness. You don’t have to exhibit a stone-cold exterior and act like you don’t care about people. In fact, that’s really an unattractive quality. Your graciousness will earn you far more clients than your efforts to be emotion-less will.