There are a vast variety of ways for a girl to be compensated for her time and favours. While the by the hour, multiple client model is preferred by the girls who advertise online and similar sites or work through agencies, the “by arrangement” model can be just as lucrative with many of the risks and difficulties removed.
by Hannah Jay
A typical arrangement has a well off man pay a girl an allowance in exchange for her company. But, truth to tell, there are no “typical” arrangements; rather there are negotiations which lead to informal contracts.
What characterizes arrangements is that they are usually for several months if not longer and involve, at least, a fixed monthly fee.
While some people will describe this as a “sugar daddy/sugar baby” set up I prefer to use the more old fashioned terms “patron and mistress”. This is not accidental. The “sugar” world is tied tightly to what I’d describe as bling culture. The sugar relationship lasts only as long as it takes the baby to grab the bling and the daddy to find his next babe. Fine if you like that sort of thing, but it is more “Lunch at Walmart” than “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”.
An arrangement between a patron and his mistress is an all together different enterprise. First off, if bling is involved it is high end and delightfully elegant. Good diamond earrings, pretty gold bracelets and discretely designer clothes; but these kind gifts are not the point. The point is to have an allowance large enough to cover rent, bills, walking around money and, after a few months, a car and vacations as well.
The logic of mistresshood is summed up in this wonderful line, “Money is the tribute age pays to beauty.”
At a certain age and level of success a man has options. He has the house, the other house, the cars, the kids in prep school or college, his wife busy with her own life, his business humming along. He may not be the one percent, but by God, he’s in the top ten percent. And yet he’s, somehow, not quite there, a bit bored, a little tiny piece of him is asking, is that all there is?
To reach his level he has a lot of drive. When he is unsatisfied he does not let the itch go unscratched. Now he’s looking around.
The dumb ones put the squeeze on their secretary or an intern. But, in these enlightened times, that is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen. Worse, the terms of trade are terrible: she’ll want to be his girlfriend or to replace his wife and that is a 50% of net worth proposition. Divorce is ugly and expensive if you have substantial assets.
Philandering, having an affair, is an intelligence test for a well-off man. The smart ones pass the test by staying the hell away from girls whose main chance is to become the next “Mrs X”. Far too much to pay for what is likely to be a fling.
For fun they might, occasionally, spend some quality time with a very high end, very discreet, escort. The only problem being, as Mr. Spitzer found out, even the highest end, most expensive, girls can be compromised. Their agency gets busted, they hit a rough patch, someone leans on them; doesn’t matter why because the gentleman’s cover is blown.
Keeping a mistress is entirely different because the relationship is protected by simple, easy, subterfuge.
First off, you can’t “book” a mistress through an agency. Which means there are no incriminating paper trails. Rather, a man seeking a mistress has to find her himself. Second, a girl seeking an arrangement has a wide variety of ways to find the arrangement she’s looking for. She can advertise, join one of the many websites which put mistresses and patrons together or simply place herself in environments where wealthy me are likely to be found.
A mistress’s primary qualification is that she is an available woman who chooses to look for money rather than love and commitment. While she may very well want a white picket fence and babies she does not want his fence or his babies.
A great mistress ad might read:
At 27 I am accomplished, clever, sensual. I love my books, my work, my lovely vintage lingerie.
I am seeking an arrangement with a smart, older, discerning, gentleman with taste, savvy and discretion.
For me life is about conversation, learning and pleasure. I want to be led a little while I inspire.
I am entirely discreet. Private. Your secret.
If there is a picture with the ad it is best that it is nothing but a pretty dress. A mistress is never wholly revealed, let alone on first sight. What your ad, profile is designed to elicit is response. Most responses will be hopeless. And you must be brutal. If you don’t like the response there is no point in chatting. The right patron will have the words to reach you.
And there is the difference between an escort and a mistress: a mistress is hugely choosey. She is be delighted to be paid for her favours but not just anyone can buy them. In this sense a mistress is much like a girlfriend.
For a girl seeking an arrangement there is a balance between cash and chemistry. There is also, in many cases, an element of mentorship. Looking for a patron who can be helpful, whether by steering business in her direction or getting her a good day job, only makes sense for an ambitious young woman.
The exact nature of the patron/mistress relationship is always the subject of negotiation and will evolve as the relationship progresses. But there are a couple of constants. First, the patron will want to see his mistress once or twice a week. Chances are very good that he will want intimacy as a part of each encounter. In most cases these encounters will either be at or end up in the mistress’s apartment or condo.
A wise mistress makes sure that these encounters are about far more than a roll in designer sheets for the simple reason that her patron can buy that almost anywhere. While a patron will certainly expect a good deal of pleasure, a clever mistress makes sure that there is much more to the encounters.
Part of what the patron is paying for is the company of a pretty, well groomed, pleasing young (or not) woman who puts him first. He is not just paying for sex, he is paying for intelligent, focused conversation. And the luxury of being the centre of attention.
So, while a mistress will certainly cater to her patron’s sexual desires she will also make it her business to cater to the rest of his desires: what does he love to eat? What is his favorite drink? How does he like her dressed? Does he love stockings and lacy lingerie or does he prefer her naked under a semi-sheer robe?
What, in fact, a patron is paying thousands of dollars a month for is a few hours a week of pure relaxation in the company of a woman who understands her job to be becoming his ideal woman. Of course, that ideal will vary from man to man. For one man it might be nothing more complicated that watching Monday night football with cold beer at the ready and plenty of off-field half time pleasure. For another it might be a chance to really discuss the week’s business activities with a sympathetic, but uninvolved, listener.
A good mistress learns as she goes. While the first few encounters may be a little awkward, things usually smooth out as she gets to know her patron. The point of having a mistress, along with sex, is for a man to have one woman in his life whose entire focus when he is with her is his deep satisfaction.
The truth is that most highly successful men have endless conflicts, endless demands, on their time and their attention. Often, if they are married, their wives have morphed into high powered women in their own right. Meaning they bring their own set of demands and conflicts right into the matrimonial bed. While men may think they are taking a mistress for sex, in most cases they will keep a mistress because, alone of all the people they know, she will give him her full attention without expecting anything – except her allowance – in return.
Recognizing that, a mistress needs to come fully prepared to her first meeting with a prospective patron. Of course she will be nicely dressed. Of course her hair will gleam and her light makeup will be perfect. For that first meeting, always in a public place, usually over a meal, a mistress is about the promise of things to come if a satisfactory arrangement can be reached.
Before a mistress even takes a meeting with a prospective patron she will have done her homework. The internet is a wonderful tool. A successful man leaves tracks. A Linked-In profile, press coverage, company profiles: an hour’s time rooting around in Google will tell you a lot about your potential patron. If he checks out then you take the meeting.
When you are going into a negotiation it is important to know what your own goal is. An allowance – great, how much? This is a business arrangement so having a figure in mind is important. What could you live with? What would make you happy? These are two different numbers. But they give you a negotiating range. How long do you want the arrangement to last before coming up for renewal. (Three months is a good minimum, a year is a good time to re-evaluate.)
Remember that your potential patron is not in the position to keep a mistress because he is a business idiot. He has negotiated hundreds, possibly thousands, of deals. It is his element. So let him structure your arrangement. For business reasons of his own he might want to pay the rent and sign the lease corporately. He may want to have you come on as a consultant and invoice monthly. What you are looking for is the right number, how he gets to the right number is up to him. However, no matter how he arrives there you need to make sure that at least 2/3 of the money is paid directly to you. And you need to make it very clear that your allowance is a fee for service. Expenses are always extra. If he wants smoked salmon, Taittinger Champagne and you in a pretty silk nightie, he needs to make sure to leave you a few hundred dollars a week in luxury money. And he needs to know this upfront.
It is much better for a mistress to tell her potential patron all about the costs of his mistress at the outset rather than to have money come up when the affair is launched. If he blinks, the question is whether he is blinking at the expense or because he can’t afford the expense. If the later it is time to wrap up the conversation.
The other two major terms of the arrangement are your time and the question of exclusivity. Being very clear on your time commitment makes everything go more smoothly. An evening or afternoon a week is a good starting point. But there is nothing wrong with the occasional long lunch or weekend away. The point is to be clear at the outset. (In this cyber age, it is wise to touch on calls, texts and emails. Some are lovely, lots can be annoying. And make sure he has a secure phone in case you want to send him a fun little selfie.)
Exclusivity is a bit more complicated. The truth is that there is no reason a girl cannot entertain more than one patron. Or have a real boyfriend. Or operate as an escort. A busy patron need never find out so long as his mistress is clever about her arrangements. And many patrons would prefer not to know or are even a bit relieved that they are not their mistresse’s sole support. It depends on the patron. Of course there are some patrons for whom a mistress’s fidelity is a very big deal indeed. Building that into your compensation package is not a bad idea. A businessman understands that an exclusive supplier agreement means that you would be giving up additional income. If that’s what he wants he needs to be willing to pay for it.
A final note: a great mistress is a wife’s secret best friend. The reality is that a man who answers an add “seeking arrangement” is already looking around. By taking a mistress he is committing to a purely financial relationship which does not threaten his wife, his home or his reputation. A mistress is discreet by nature and the very opposite of the dramatic intern arriving at midnight crying her eyes out. No drama is one of the things a patron pays for and a mistress delivers.
In fact, by channeling a patron’s erotic and emotional energy, a mistress tends to keep a couple together. It is in her interest for her patron to have a home to go home to.
Seeking an arrangement lets a girl improve her income, gain a mentor, have a bit of security and avoid some of the hazards of the escort world. The right arrangement can be great fun and go on for years. The very years a young woman could use the most help.
Image credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/vblibrary/8635414869/