Ms Jay answers escorts’ questions #2

Q: I have one regular client who I think I may be developing feelings for. When I see his number on my phone my heart skips a beat. I text him if I have not heard from him. What should I do?

A: Well, that is a rather significant hazard of the business.

From a strictly professional standpoint, you should keep your feelings to yourself. And stop texting, for heaven’s sake. When he wishes to see you, he will call and arrange an appointment. You are the escort; he is the client, remember?

From a personal perspective, my advice depends on a few details you haven’t mentioned. Firstly, what do you WANT? And what do you WANT to do? The fact that you are asking for advice leads me to believe that the situation is tricky or you really haven’t thought it through fully. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is the feeling mutual?
  • Is he available? Are you?
  • What would be the consequences of acting on your emotions? Personally and professionally.

The best advice is to do nothing. For now. You can always act once you have made a decision; but you can’t undo an impetuous action. Time is also a good sorter-outer. See if you still feel this way in a month.

You may also wish to gauge his reaction to a few offhand questions or subtle remarks that will allow you to determine whether he would be receptive to your advances. This allows you to gain more information without laying all your cards on the table. This saves you from potential embarrassment and the risk of losing him as an escorting client.

Q: Can you give me a few conversation starters? Most of my bookings are at least an hour and there are a lot of awkward silences.

A: Ah, the art of conversation. An essential escorting skill; and one that you can learn.

For starters, most people think that conversation is about talking. Actually, it is about listening. Not every silence is awkward, nor must it be immediately filled with words. A thoughtful pause adds weight to your words, draws the attention to you, and gives a lovely unrushed cadence to the entire exchange. It allows for the natural “one thing leads to another” repartee that makes you such an engaging woman to converse with.

Most people love to talk about themselves, so start there. Of course, you must be careful considering the situation, so keep it general and not an inquisition. Ask him what he loves to do in his spare time and springboard from there. He loves to cook? What type of cuisine? His favourite dish? Dance lightly over the topics to keep him relaxed and entertained, and very likely very flattered that you take a genuine interest in him. A little chat before an intimate encounter is always worthwhile to break the ice.

Q: At least twice a month a client wants to take me to dinner. Which is great, but he always chooses the same boring, but expensive restaurant. And the food is really not to my taste. How can I suggest a change?

A: Either directly, or indirectly. But in either case, the trick is to make the suggestion without seeming ungrateful or presumptuous. Artfully accomplished, he will be delighted with his escort’s splendid idea.

Take note, or simply ask him what he loves about this particular restaurant. Is it the food, a great wine list, the ambience? Perhaps the setting ensures his privacy with his escort, or, conversely, he may be well-known to the owner and staff and loves the personal attention?

Do your research to find other establishments that have the features that so appeal to him. You might, for instance, mention a magazine article about an new (hip, award-winning) eatery as a topic of conversation and suggest that although this place is great, it might be fun to check out what all the fuss is about.

If he is a man who is eager to please you, the mere suggestion will be all it takes for a change in dining venue. If you already have a favourite restaurant, tell him that you think he would really love it, too, and would so like to go there with him. Bon appetite, you old charmer!

Q: One of my best clients is in the fashion business – he wholesales a lot of brands. And, of course, he brings me clothes. Which are awful. I know he does carry some nice things but how do I get him to let me make the choices without insulting him.

A: By being a bit clever, of course. Escorts do their best work when they use their heads.

Why does he keep choosing outfits that you consider mediocre? Most likely because he just doesn’t know your taste. Well then, send a clear fashion message. Pay attention to what you wear when you see him on your dates. If you covet a divine little black dress, stop showing up in round the clock casual wear. Ask him what he wants his escort to wear and work with that.

Does his business have a website, or a catalogue? Pick out what you would actually like him to give you and then engage him in conversation about his business — mention you were looking at the collection online and absolutely adored this particular LBD. Be enthusiastic in your appraisal of how chic it is, and your belief that it would be perfect on you.

A bit of reverse selling, but a strategy that could mean a welcome addition to your closet.

Q: A very good regular of mine wants me to quit escorting and become his mistress. The problem is that the allowance he’s offering is exactly a third of what I am making now. My thought is to say yes but keep a few of my other regulars on the side.

A: You could do that. But you would be wise to stipulate the terms of the arrangement with the gentleman first. That way, all these niggly details are out of the way so you can both get on with enjoying the delights of a mistress relationship.

Clarify if he wants you to be his exclusive mistress and if he expects you to give up your escort business entirely. He may have a clear position on this subject, or he may have not even considered it.

Consider whether you would be happy to give up the freedom you have as an escort. Then get very practical.

Assess what your financial needs really are. Are your expectations realistic or are you trying to emulate the Kardashians? Have a number in mind for the allowance and be prepared to negotiate on your own behalf.

Rather than staking everything on an exact number, I suggest be a bit of coy by indicating that although you would really like to accept his proposition, it would depend on the allowance. See what he says to this. If you are genuinely excited and delighted with the prospect of a mistress arrangement, then it is far better to be a bit flexible rather than making money the deal breaker. To a degree, expenses are variable, and you can always find a way to cut back if you need to. Live within your means for now, because means can always change. Sure you have to pay rent, but there is a difference between choosing a penthouse and a character third-floor walkup. Develop a talent for making wherever you are a fabulous and charming environment. If you have little, go for the modern minimalist look. Haunt thrift stores and auctions for awesome décor at a tiny price tag.

Every mistress has to start somewhere! Would you rather be making lattes at Starbucks all day? Right. There are many advantages to being a mistress beyond money. The main one being FREEDOM. You can make your own decisions without the constraints of a job (unless you want one on the side) or the commitments of a husband. Sure your guy will make demands, and if he really becomes too commanding, you can always give him a good spanking to correct him, or advertise to find a more well-deserving man in dire need of the attentions of an excellent—and now, experienced—mistress.

So, before you rush headlong into anything, keep in mind that a mistress’ allowance is often supplemented by perks, gifts, and general ebullient generosity. A little compromise on your part to begin with may well lead your patron to devotedly house, cloth, and be-jewel you, his adored mistress, for years to come. Not a bad deal.

Q: What’s the difference between a $150 an hour ASP and a $1,000 an hour courtesan? And how do you get to that high level status?

A: Thank you for posing such an intriguing question. Let’s try to peel away the layers to this complexity.

So what is a courtesan, anyway? The Italian term cortigiana which originated around 1540, literally meant “a woman of the court”. As a paramour to the royal, noble, and wealthy men of European society, she was more educated and charming than the prostitutes of the day who walked the streets, and thus could charge high fees for her companionship and favours. She had many lovers.

A few courtesans became very rich (and very famous, as well.) However, it was not always a candle-lit world of satin, lace, and opulence. Prior to the mid-eighteenth century, courtesans were persecuted (ranging from suffering a tarnished reputation and public humiliation, being accused of witchcraft, to imprisonment, and in some cases, even execution). When courtesans were eventually accepted within the higher levels of society, they became, in effect, career girls, selling their body and mind. Paid handsomely for their companionship not only in private chambers, they also accompanied men of influence to public and social functions. Note that a courtesan differed from a mistress. A courtesan could become a mistress, but then she was no longer a courtesan. Since your question pertains to “service-providers”, we will limit our discussion to this.

The most famous courtesans were in France. They lived in the “demi-monde”. Though not necessarily French themselves, a courtesan in France could successfully operate within the laissez faire French social world. In other countries such as England, courtesans caused scandal; in France, they caused excitement. Many men were enticed, and many women were eager to learn their techniques to practice on their own men, while others wanted to become a courtesans themselves.

A courtesan, when not out cavorting, resided in her own suite of apartments or a grand house. Here, she entertained not only clients, but hosted lavish parties as well. A body guard was often employed to protect her and her vast and valuable possessions. In later life, unless she went to rack-and-ruin by gambling or frivolously spending her entire fortune, these aging but worldly, intelligent, engaging women could still captivate a large clientele. Some even amused themselves by putting ink to paper, penning their memoirs. Still great reads today are, “Harriette Wilson’s Memoirs: The Greatest Courtesan of Her Age” and “The Memoirs of Cora Pearl: The Erotic Reminiscences of a Flamboyant 19th Century Courtesan.” If the internet is more your mode, check out this wonderful blog. Courtesans were creatures of fascination in their day (and henceforth evermore), inspiring the imagination of artists, writers, playwrights, musicians, computer game creators et al.

Whew! Sort of changes your perspective on your own escort enterprise, doesn’t it? In keeping with these illustrious French courtesans, we will stay in a French frame of mind (if you don’t know how to speak French, you’ll learn a few phrases along the way). Now lets get on and explore what differentiates the low end from the high end in the escort trade.

First, the obvious: BEAUTY. Not cute or pretty, b e a u t i f u l. The genetic Gods endowed this lucky girl with great bones. (You know, the type that can wash her skin with a bar of Ivory soap and it’s flawless). Mind you, a great face only takes one so far. Taking care of your looks, not taking them for granted, is critical for her, and for you . Shiny healthy hair means not abusing it with heat and chemical processes; age-defying skin needs daily sunblock; and even a predisposition to slenderness cannot withstand the all Twinkie diet. You may not be model perfect, but you can go a long way to enhancing what nature gave you.

Secondly, ATTITUDE. A scowl isn’t flattering on anyone. The kind of woman that draws others to her has a certain “joie de vivre” (a keen or buoyant enjoyment of life). Kindness, compassion, and integrity are also qualities that make her so appealing. Not a Narcissus gazing endless in the pool, but a being interested in others and the world around her. This girl considers her champagne flute half-full rather than half-empty. To improve your own attitude it isn’t necessary to don rose-coloured glasses, simply count your blessings every day.

This positive attitude creates CONFIDENCE. The high level escort/courtesan believes in herself, her abilities, her place in the cosmos. You can tell without even knowing her. She walks with a purposeful stride telling the world she is indeed going places. Her voice is strong, not shrill. She realizes she need not raise her voice to be heard. She is polished and sophisticated and knows how to handle herself. Yes, the French express it best again, a certain “savoir faire” (capacity for appropriate action especially a sureness in social behavior; French; literally, knowing how to do). If you want to cultivate this start by learning and using impeccable manners. Graciousness is a rare commodity in this fast-paced world, so be the calm in the storm. Elevate yourself to greater earning potential.

The fourth attribute is INTELLIGENCE. Beauty is fleeting; intelligence lasts. This doesn’t mean you need a university degree if you want to move to the top of the escort ranks. It does mean focusing on your mind, not merely your makeup. Read books, magazines, brush up on the news, gain some expertise in something that really, really interests you (gardening, woodworking, cooking…whatever.) Then get good at it. Take classes if you can. This is also a stellar way to meet and mingle with interesting people with whom you share something in common. Don’t be afraid if it seems quirky or geeky. If you are passionate about it, then loving it is part of who you are, how you think, and what makes you special. Being special is a good thing, especially for a high end escort.

The final part of the puzzle that elevates the select escorts to a league of their own, is a bit of a mystery in itself. This is known as “je ne sais quoi” (something that cannot adequately be described or expressed; French; literally, I know not what). Even though it may be impossible to define, it is instantly recognizable. For instance, those who have met Angelina Jolie in person have described her as “mesmerizing”. One woman who spoke to her said she literally “glowed”. Star material indeed. Difficult to cultivate, but the above mentioned qualities (see 1-4) contribute to unwittingly acquiring it. In a strange way, it is about radiating your own light. Do so with insouciance. Don’t take yourself, or life, too seriously.

Voila! (French; there it is).

Q: I am a part-time, independent escort doing quite well. Would it make sense to register with an agency to increase my business?

A: I would say that if you are doing well on your own, there is no need to join an agency. Indeed there are many good reasons to do so if you are just starting out as an escort, but usually not you have an established business running. Right now you keep all your money, whereas with an agency you are working for someone else and will receive a fraction of the fee for each appointment. In addition, depending on the number of girls the agency represents, your appointments may be significantly fewer than your current rate. All in all, you have far less control in an agency scenario. A good thing if you just don’t have an entrepreneurial bent; but a disadvantage if you are responsible, good at making decisions and implementing them, and general, like to call the shots.

If you want more business, you would be better advised to look at enhancing your marketing for your existing escort service. You might consider new advertising avenues to increase your number of clients, or create some enticing package rates to encourage regulars, or to establish more expensive offerings such as week-end or out-of-town encounters.

Be creative.

Think big.