At some point in her career, after a less than pleasant date, after a really busy couple of weeks, or after a year or two competing in the market, an escort can experience burnout. The signs of burnout vary a lot. For some girls it is nothing more serious than a bit of ennui at the prospect of the next date, for others it raises its head by way of substance abuse and for still other, a general depression can set in.
by Hannah Jay
The fact is, escorting is a stressful occupation filled with uncertainty and a degree of isolation. Girls who keep their escorting lives private often have literally no one but their clients to talk to about their work. And, of course, clients are not paying to hear about how down a girl is on the whole escorting thing.
Burnout is not inevitable. Some girls escort for years and then retire without a bit of regret for their escorting days. For the most part, the girls who avoid burnout have evolved strategies to ensure that their escorting work does not get them down. Here are a few of those strategies.
Knowing that escorting has a high burnout rate means you should recognize that you are vulnerable. The time to prevent burnout is long before it becomes an issue.
People in high stress jobs make a point of leaving their jobs behind at the end of the working day. Even super-Type A personalities will take time away from their phones and the emails and the texts. It might only be half an hour, but it is a key part of their coping strategy.
A good place to begin is with your own time. There is a temptation in a service business to always be available. It is a temptation to be resisted. Setting working hours where you are willing to book appointments and, more importantly, hours when you are not is a key way to gain control over your escorting life.
If you establish hours, then you should also consider how many dates you can comfortably fit into those hours. Again, it is tempting to see as many clients as possible so as to make as much money as you can. In the very short run that might increase your earnings; but it can also increase the likelihood you’ll burn out very quickly.
Take a look at your client mix. Seeing a client for the first time tends to be more stressful than seeing a faithful regular. However, seeing the same regulars week after week, can lead to your escorting experience becoming pretty mechanical. While most girls do not control their schedules completely, you can take a look at your own schedule and think about what you would like your client “mix” to be. Having some idea of what your ideal is, allows you to make changes which brings that ideal closer to reality.
Once you have looked at the business side of your escorting, take a look at your non-escorting time. What are you actually doing when you are not escorting or booking clients?
Finally, take a look at your own networks of friends and family. While you may want to keep your escorting private, you should figure out how to do that without losing touch with the people you love and enjoy spending time with. It is sometimes difficult, but staying in touch is a huge part of avoiding burnout.
For an independent escort, between managing her marketing, web presence, ads, bookings and seeing clients, it can appear there is really no time left in the day for much more.
Taking charge of your schedule and limiting your working hours will free up some time. What you do with that time can make a huge difference. The business of escorting is pretty sedentary. But with a little clever management, you can build time into your day for exercise and more unstructured “fresh air” time.
There are plenty of good reasons to go to the gym. After all, your clients are paying to enjoy a pretty, fit, woman and the gym helps with that. Plus, if you have a few hours every week set aside for a workout, you will know that those hours are not at all about escorting. They will be an enforced mental break.
However, you can ruin gym time by dragging along your work smart phone. If you must take it to the gym, at least turn it off and leave it in your locker.
While the formal commitment to the spin machines and a bit of light weight training is great, the fact is that “fresh air time” can be just as important. Escorting is an indoor business and getting outside is a matter of making choices. When you live in a city, where you live often determines how much informal exercise you get. If you live ten blocks from the stores you are less inclined to walk to your shopping than if you are only a block or two away. Similarly, picking a spot to live where there are nearby restaurants and cafes, a bit of street life, will mean you’ll have places to go on foot.
Arranging your escorting schedule to give yourself some time between dates lets you get outside and revive a bit. So go for a walk or a bike ride to get some exercise, clear your mind and improve your health along the way.
If you do outcalls and are not too far away from the hotel, walk. Just tuck those high heels in your bag and put on something more practical.
Remember that there is no such thing as bad weather, just weather you are not dressed for. A good umbrella and a warm winter coat can let you enjoy outside time all year. Of course you will always remember your sun block but don’t be afraid of a little sunshine as it makes you glow and produces Vitamin D.
No, really. Escorting can lead to late nights. And coming home from a date you can be more than a little “buzzy”. Sleep is vital, but can be elusive.
Some people can get away with five or six hours a night, but most of us are happier and healthier with seven to eight. How to get them is the question.
First, don’t obsess. Missing an hour’s sleep a couple of times a week is not a big deal–as long as you don’t make a habit of it. The bigger issue is missing sleep night after night. Here, setting a few sleepy-time strategies can help a lot:
The first one is that, like Cinderella, no matter how charming or lucrative the prince, you are back in your apartment, if not your bed, by one. Be hardcore about it. You can joke about “school nights,” but turning down the occasional out-call because it would keep you out late is a healthy choice. And not booking in-calls past 11:00 pm will also give you a chance to rest.
The second rule, is that your day starts no earlier than 9:00 am, and even then, let it unfold slowly. Worrying about getting up early actually makes it tougher to get to sleep. Establish morning rituals to set you up for a great day: meditation; a cup of tea whilst reading a chapter in a novel; an invigorating shower or a bubble bath with your favourite body products or essential oils makes you look and feel wonderful. Even a ritual morning dog walk gives your day a rhythm.
Taking some time at the end of your day to take off your make up and change into something comfortable, and I hope pretty, to sleep in, encourages you to relax and rest. Leaving your laptop in the living room and using no more than the alarm function on your smart phone cuts down the stimulation and anxiety which steals sleep. Soft lighting, calming music like jazz or classical, a good book on your bedside table and a non-caffeinated beverage – think chamomile tea – puts the cares and woes of your day behind you.
Lack of sleep leads ultimately to exhaustion–which is a huge contributor to the downward cycle of burnout. Sleep is the one great gift you can give yourself.
Take a break from screens
Even a busy escort has free time in her day–waiting for her next appointment or sitting beside the phone waiting for her next booking, where while she can’t actually go out, she has time on her hands. What you do with that time can make the difference between serenity and anxiety.
An easy option is to reach for the remote or the mouse and spend the time absorbing a TV show or discovering what the Kardashians are up to, updating your Facebook page, or playing World of Warcraft. Nothing terribly wrong with that, but not as a “default”. The problem with screens of any sort ,is that they encourage passive behaviour. You sit and watch or click, but your brain is only barely engaged. Screens fill time by ensuring that you “zone out”.
Limiting your screen time lets you get engaged with other, more active, things. Simply reading a cookbook and planning dinner or sorting through your closet, means that you are engaging with a task. Just writing out a “to do” list means that you are actively thinking about your life.
The more mentally active you are, the less likely you are to suffer burnout. Two hours a day in front of a screen is two hours a day when you have not actively engaged with the real world. One of the major stressors for escorts is the sense that they are spectators in their own lives, and sitting in front of a screen does nothing to change that.
Run your business
Taking charge of your hours and your schedule is a great first step. But there is much more to a successful escorting business.
There are dozens of articles about how to market your escorting business on Skipthegames.com. Reading them will give you ideas. So will looking carefully at what the other girls in your city are doing.
Running your own service business is about deciding what services to provide, at what price, and to which market. Girls can get into escorting with little more than a selfie and an ad. But they should not be surprised when, after a few months, they stress out or burn out. Because without a business vision and a marketing plan, they are just scratching the surface of what is possible in the escorting world.
Making the decision to “run your business”, is all about setting goals, making plans and investing in your own opportunities. It sounds like work and it is. But running a successful escorting business where you are able to charge top rates and enjoy the attentions of the clients you actually like to see, is hugely rewarding and motivating.
For example, it costs next to nothing to change up your advertising and see what happens. If you have an ad which is very much like the other girls, try advertising which you think might appeal to a more affluent market. What happens if you describe yourself as “elegant”? Or what if you include the words “out-calls to select downtown hotels”?
Simply changing your ad copy or running two ads and seeing which works best, is a start on really taking control of your business. Setting a set of tasks – get new photos, shoot a short video, learn how to update my blog – all mean you are engaging with your business. Not everything you try will work, but you learn from your mistakes (and successes), and push on.
Change your routines
Doing the same thing, the same way, at the same time, every day is a pretty certain way to get bored very quickly. While some routine actually saves some time, others restrict what you are able to do.
To switch up your routines, begin by changing your habits in little ways. Get up fifteen minutes earlier so your morning can be leisurely rather than rushed; take the time, and make the effort ,to make lunch at home rather than grabbing something on the go or depending on take out. As you are getting ready to see a client, take a few minutes to tidy up your in-call location; try different looks for your encounters; take a few minutes after an intimate encounter to let your client ease back into his everyday reality. You may be doing some of these things already, and you can pick and choose changes which suit your life and style.
Also, consider your clients. What about your regulars? Are you doing the same things each time you see them? That may be what they say they want, but have you actually asked them what else they would like?
Adding a bit of time to your regulars’ sessions may look as if it is reducing your hourly rate, but, in fact, it is likely to result in more hours being sold. In escorting, regulars are gold. Are you treating yours that way?
Think about perks for your regulars. There is a reason why stores have loyalty programs and airlines offer frequent flyer rewards. Simply adding a complimentary accompanied shower for your regulars will enhance their experience and keep them coming back.
The deadliest spot for routine is during the intimate portion of your encounter. While there is a natural rhythm and pacing to adult activities, there is no reason at all why you can’t mix it up a bit. Mixing in a little teasing, or a slow, strip tease or adding a position or two can help avoid a predictable approach. This obviously depends on the client, but an escort can often add a few twists which will delight her client and keep her sexual encounters fresh. This is particularly true with regulars: while they obviously enjoy your encounters enough to keep coming back, changing the pace or pushing a boundary or two, keeps you intriguing.
Invent and advertise a “New” date
When you begin to really “run” your escort business, one suggestion is to revisit your regular advertising and see what different wording does for your business.
Taking that idea a step or two further, take a look at building an entirely new “date”. This might sound a bit daunting, but it actually lets you play to your personal strengths. Many girls when they are starting out, take a look at other escort ads and offer what the other girls are offering–which explains why so many ads are advertising cup sizes and the GFE. Nothing wrong with that, but little advantage in that either. It leaves you competing with all those girls without having anything much to differentiate yourself. Put yourself in the client’s place; why would he pick your ad from all the others? How can you make yourself special?
Inventing “new dates” can be as simple as offering an out-call option to “select hotels” rather than limiting your business to strictly in-call. That gets you out of the house, out of a rut, and into a new market. And going beyond that, may let you reach other goals.
If you are feeling isolated and lackluster, break from routine and arrange a few dinner dates every month. Shift your marketing and advertising to make that happen. Then turn your attention to putting together a glitzy evening wardrobe (with accessories); and teach yourself how to do something different and amazing with your hair (an updo?) and your makeup (the smoky eye?). This all adds up to an attitude-enhancing and business-enhancing move. Smart.
To garner more dinner dates, then offer that as an option in your escorting repertoire, or do an entire advertising campaign with that in mind:
Charming Dinner Companion – Why Eat Alone? Enjoy an evening with a beautiful and elegant woman. Perhaps a nightcap, at your place or mine
This sort of advertising will bring you a different clientele and an opportunity to try some of your city’s better restaurants. You can do much the same thing with weekend get-aways and longer travel dates to expand your services.
Or, to change things up even more, perhaps you can explore the delights of being “kept” as a mistress. This is a longer-term strategy but a great ad or a membership in one of the “sugar” sites may gain you a regular gentleman caller and a hefty allowance. (I have written at length on this subject, as it is my favourite arrangement, so see earlier article.)
Of course there is also the alternative of offering more recherché services – fetish and light BDSM are always a change of pace and open up whole new clienteles.
The point with all these options is to create a variety of dates so that when you look at your appointment book, the standard encounters are balanced with dates which are entirely different. Variety is the spice of life, and the recipe to avoid boredom and burnout.
Talk to someone
For privacy reasons, many escorts don’t tell their social circle or their families what they are doing for a living. That is very much a judgment call and every girl will bring a different level of comfort to sharing her profession.
However, having someone to talk to about your work, your clients and how your own life is (or isn’t) working out, can be incredibly valuable.
Whether you choose a counselor, a counseling psychologist, or a life coach, spending a little money to have a private hour every couple of weeks to decompress is a worthwhile antidote to burnout. In general, all of these helping professions have codes of conduct which ensure client confidentiality. And, as importantly, they have the training to avoid judgment while offering a sympathetic ear.
One huge mistake people make when looking for a professional listener, is to wait until they feel they have an actual problem. There is very little a counselor can do to prevent burnout when it is already occurring. For clients in the midst of a crisis, the counselor works to get the client through the situation.
The wiser course, is for an escort to recognize that the business she is in, is inherently stressful, and that dealing with those stresses actually prevents burnout from happening at all. The best time to develop a relationship with a counselor is before you feel overwhelmed or out of control.
Look for a counselor who you get along with. Recognize that it may take a few tries to get the right fit, but don’t shy away from taking the time to get it right. Because when you find the right counselor, you’ll be giving yourself a defense against burnout and a great chance to escort in the least psychologically damaging way possible. Make taking care of yourself from the inside as important as taking care of yourself from the outside.
Every job, every profession, has its stress points. Being self-aware enough to find help managing the stress points of your escorting business can make the difference between a short, unhappy career, and a successful and lucrative career which lasts as long as you want it to.
Retirement is not burnout
Successful escorts know that they are not going to be escorting forever. Partially that is because older escorts can have some trouble finding clients, but it is also because most women have personal and career aspirations which go beyond the escorting world.
Therefore, at some level, from the outset, you’ll be thinking about your exit from the profession. Some girls set a time limit, others have a money goal, still others escort until they can afford a specific thing – travel, education or a down payment on a condo.
A solid, achievable, exit plan is a huge bar to burnout. Instead of one day looking very much like another, with no end in sight, a girl with an exit plan sees each day, and each date, as one step closer to her goal. This means she can take each escorting day as it comes, enjoy the good ones, get through the tough ones, and make sure she, and her clients, have some fun along the way.