Toughen up: 11-point checklist for escorts

People enter the adult industry with the assumption that they can make a lot of money with very little work. They may be fed up with their “normal” careers and low pay. Or, they may feel the need to make some fast money, with little effort. The people who enter into the adult entertainment industry with these attitudes rarely succeed and quickly fail. If you’re serious about entering the adult entertainment industry as a provider, you need to know from the very beginning that you need to toughen up — ASAP. Here are some definite ways that you need to toughen up to be a top notch provider:

  1. Your stamina, strength and balance have to be stellar. Female adult entertainers habitually wear high heels. Ridiculously high heels, for clarification. And, you must be able to walk in them like you’re strolling on a cloud. And, dance in them. And, do alluring dance moves in them. Balance, strength and stamina are required to pull this off with grace and ease. In addition to your stiletto antics, you may be dancing up a storm, performing tricks on a pole and on your feet for hours at a time, visiting with customers (as an exotic dancer, for example). If you’re other kinds of adult performers, you may be engaging in intimate acts with others that require you to position yourself in awkward poses for long periods of time. Your strength, endurance and personal tolerance will be tested. To ramp up for these challenges, it’s essential for you to work out, do squats and practice the tasks you will be conducting professionally. If you fail to get in shape, you will suffer falls and extremely sore muscles, in addition to feet that will be ridden with blisters and unattractive calluses.
  2. Developing tough skin is essential. The adult industry is not all wine and roses. While some of your clients and customers will lavish you with compliments and flattery, others are inherently rude, by nature. They will criticize your looks, abilities and intentions. They may insult you over the slightest thing. Some clients and customers will say derogatory things about how you look, degrading your beauty. They will be mean about your weight, curves and overall body shape. Regardless of how “perfect” you are, some of the people you run into will be downright hurtful with their words. And, their actions may be even injurious. Clients walk out on escorts frequently, citing that they don’t look as pictured or that their appearance is simply unpleasing. Customers are disrespectful, and they may treat you as though you are a lower form of human than they, themselves, are. In a world where your beauty and charm may win you attention, normally, the adult entertainment industry may be extremely unkind. You have to develop a thick skin to keep the negativity from hurting you and influencing how you think of yourself. An attitude that sloughs off the insults and criticism is required if you’re going to survive in this business. Being soft hearted will only hurt you.
  3. Defend yourself. While it’s a great fantasy to assume that every client or customer you’re going to provide services for will be a charming, delightful gentleman, it’s not true. Yes, there are some perfectly wonderful clients out there. BUT, there are some equally despicable sorts, too. When you run into one of those who is not only verbally threatening, but physically violent, too, you must be able to defend yourself. Take a few self defense classes, learn some killer moves to stun your foe and be prepared to run as if your life depends on it…because it may! Some adult entertainment providers carry concealed weapons with them. If this is something you want to do, make sure you are trained and licensed to do it. And, last, but not least, mentally prepare yourself for the day that you have to stand up for yourself, physically. Be prepared to fight back and take a client’s threats seriously, instead of thinking that he’s only bluffing. Be diligent to notice those red flags that warn you something is wrong and pay attention to them. Prepare yourself and train for those bad situations. It only takes one to impact your life forever.
  4. Build up that self esteem. Not only are your clients going to be rude and disrespectful at times, but all of society seems to have a major grudge against the adult entertainment industry. Regardless of whether you’re an exotic dancer, a porn star, escort or webcam performer (or anything else in between), the general public “thinks” it knows what it’s like to work in your profession. They judge and make snide remarks, commenting about your morals, upbringing, habits and sexual preferences. They assume a myriad of unfair things about your relationships and life. They refuse to associate with you and act like you are a scourge upon society’s otherwise untarnished reputation. If you paid attention to how society treats adult performers, you would feel like the lowest of the low. You would think you had no intelligence, morals or generally good purpose for living. Don’t allow that kind of negativity to slip in from stereotypes and what the overall public assumes about you. Build up your self esteem and know your purpose and worth.
  5. Strengthen your emotional health. Being an adult performer or services provider can be really tough, mentally and emotionally. Due to society’s beliefs ( clearly reviewed in the previous point), most people you will be in relationships with will have difficulties accepting your career choice and the tasks you engage in during your professional time. Finding a significant other who accepts your work for what it is may be nearly impossible…but, finding a partner who accepts AND isn’t threatened by it is even more difficult. Nurturing the bonds of other relationships may be challenging, too, as your schedule may make one-on-one time hard to find. And, encouraging your friends and family members to accept your profession is a real obstacle. All of this will wreak havoc with your emotions. Do what you can to keep relationships strong. Be there for the people who need you. And, persuade them to remember you are who you are, despite what your profession might be.
  6. You are going to have to make some tough choices. Life is all about choices. And, entering into any career will require you to establish priorities and determine the important things in your life. Being an adult entertainment provider will certainly make you identify the important elements in your world very quickly. While this career has much to offer you (a great income, flexibility of schedule and the ability to be your own boss), it will also cost you a great deal. You will need to live a life of discretion and secrecy. You may have to make choices about relationships, based on ultimatums individuals give you. Hard decisions may be required if you’re going to pursue this work as a career. If you’re not ready to toughen up and make these choices, you may not be ready for this career. It’s not easy, nor is it always fun. But, it’s incredibly rewarding if you’re determined enough to follow through with those decisions you may not “exactly” like. For instance, you will have to work extremely hard in the beginning, not only directly with clients, but also on marketing yourself. If you’re not willing to give up time to do this, you shouldn’t even bother with the career.
  7. Hard work is required. If you assume that being a webcam performer means that you get online once or twice a day and masturbate for the camera…and then sit around and eat bon bons and watch reality TV the rest of the day, you are dead wrong. Professionals who work in the adult entertainment industry have to work hard for their successes. A lot of behind-the-scenes action takes place. Marketing, attention to appearance, communication with clients and physical fitness efforts will take up a lot of your time. Business administration will demand your attention (accounting, website/profile updates, photography and scheduling). You will spend time talking with clients/customers, which will sometimes evolve into not a single appointment. You may have to research various aspects of your services. Shopping for supplies or costumes may be required. Nothing will be handed to you. With hard work and diligence, you can easily succeed.
  8. You must be brave. Some sketchy characters hang out as customers and clients of adult entertainers. They may be a little scary when they are openly asking for your business. But, they are even more daunting when you don’t know they’re there and pop up unexpectedly. Many adult performers have stalkers who follow them and threaten them as they go through their daily lives. Being brave enough to face the potential for this kind of trouble is a must. Additionally, bravery in other ways is required. Courage to strip down in front of strangers is necessary, especially if you’re an escort, porn performer or exotic dancer. Walking into a room and visiting with a complete stranger — alone — for an entire hour (or more) is a must for escorts. Being fearless is a requirement for this industry. You have to face your fears and concerns head on. If you don’t think you have the moxie to do that, you may be better suited for a less daring profession.
  9. Don’t be a pushover. Many escorts, dancers and performers get asked to do things that are beyond their traditionally provided services. Sometimes, these requests are well past their boundaries. Most adult entertainment providers establish rules and guidelines for their customers. This may include directions about how to contact them, the services they provide or ways of payment, among many other details. When a client or customer asks for special privileges or allowances, you have to develop a strong backbone to say, “No.” If you allow a client to go over the agreed upon time, he will want to do this every time. If you let a client “pay you later,” he may never give you the money he owes you. Additionally, clients and customers will give you sob stories about how bad their lives are. They will profess their love and admiration for you. They will do anything to get their way and talk you into what they want. Being a pushover for these folks will only hurt your business.
  10. Don’t bargain over your rates. When you establish how much you charge for your services, you thought long and hard about it. You probably did extensive research to identify a fair rate that was appropriate for your market, abilities and experience. And, you’re happy with it. Don’t even entertain the option to bargain about how much you should charge a customer or client. If an individual doesn’t want to pay your fees, encourage him to find another provider. If he implies that you aren’t worth your rate, send him packing. This is disrespectful and inappropriate, and behavior you don’t have to tolerate or allow. When you stand up for your rate and indicate that there is no wiggle room for a client to talk you down or negotiate a different amount, he will be much less inclined to ask. And, it ensures you get paid what you’re worth.
  11. Be smart and use your brain. In any profession, it pays to work smarter, not harder. But, it is especially true in the adult entertainment profession, when you are your own boss. One of the most beneficial things you can do for your career is to carefully analyze your strengths, weaknesses and obstacles. Determine what you are doing right, the things you are wasting time on, the challenges you are having difficulty beating and what you are just not very good/skilled at. Once you know the truth about your efforts and business activities, you can focus energy where it’s needed. And, you can determine what you should eliminate from your practices. Doing what’s best for your business, even if it’s not really what you want to do, is going to be the best for you in the long run. Being honest and truthful with yourself is the best way, even though it may be tough to accept what you see. Don’t lie to make yourself feel good.

Most adult entertainment providers depend on their physical appearance and charm to make them popular with clients and customers. However, to be really successful, you have to a be a lot tougher on the inside than you appear to be on the outside. Emotionally, physically, and mentally — you have to be strong and courageous enough to face any challenge.