Although the vast portion of society fails to acknowledge it, escorts can be victims of rape in their line of work. Simply because an escort consents to spending time with a client, it doesn’t mean that they have given them the green light to proceed with sexual contact.
Rape is entirely dependent on consent, whether a victim forcibly resists or not. The US Department of Justice defines rape as
The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim
When you’re raped by a client, there are several things you need to consider quickly. Even though you may be rattled by the experience, injured from the altercation with your client or unsure what to do, you must keep a clear head and consider the following steps:
- Seek safety. As soon as you can free yourself from your client, leave the premises immediately. According to the FBI, rape is the second most violent crime there is; murder is the first. If a client is ruthless enough to rape you, he may also assault you in other ways, if he didn’t prior to his initial attack. Flee your incall if he hasn’t left, and leave an outcall as soon as you can, even if it means leaving some of your belongings behind. The most important thing is for you to get somewhere safe and away from your client. If he raped you, there is no limit to what he might do if you stay. Go to a nearby business or residence, flee to your house or simply get as far away from your client as you can. Once you are safe, it’s time to think about what else to do. However, do not even give any other measures a second thought until your safety is secured.
- Know that the rape is not your fault. Most escorts who are raped by a client feel like they asked for it or brought it on themselves. You should never feel this way; even though you contracted with your client to spend time with him in exchange for money, you still have the right to say no to any form of contact you wish, sexual or other. Despite the fact that your client paid for your time, it doesn’t mean that he paid for the right to abuse you in any way he wants. Sexual contact between you and your clients must be consensual. Even if you flirted and communicated using many sexual innuendos, it does not mean your client had a right to have sex with you without your consent. Don’t feel that your attire, mannerisms or appearance brought on his unwanted attack. And, avoid allowing society to make you feel that you are such a “loose” woman that the old saying of “you can’t rape the willing” is true about you. Quit blaming yourself and determine what else you should do.
- Avoid cleaning up after the rape. When you are first raped, you may not know whether you want to report the incident or not. If you do decide to call the authorities and report your client, it is imperative that you do not wash away evidence that will prove sexual contact existed between you and the client. Additionally, your attire and general appearance may tell other important details about the incident, especially if your clothing is torn or you are physically showing the effects in other ways. Rape crisis counselors caution victims from showering, bathing, changing clothes, douching, eating or drinking, washing their hands, brushing their teeth or doing anything to wipe away the existence of the crime before a medical examination is conducted. Even though it is human nature to try to scour away the assault, your body acts as evidence for any future reports.
- Go for medical attention. Travel to the closest hospital or clinic and ask for an examination, informing the nurse that you were recently raped. They will conduct what is called a rape kit where they collect hair, skin cells from underneath your nails, traces of semen and any other evidence they find on your body. Additionally, they will conduct a full medical exam to make sure you are not injured externally or internally. (Often, a rape will not show outward physical injuries, although a woman may be severely harmed internally due to the force of the penetration.) In addition to the exam, you will be given an STD test, antibiotics and other medicines and, possibly, a urine test to check for any date rape drugs. Most clinics and hospitals offer the option of the morning after pill to reduce chances of an unwanted pregnancy. Although you must undergo some questioning from the clinic during this exam, all of these steps are completely voluntary. You do not have to undergo anything you do not wish to do. Also, they will help you report the incident to the authorities if you wish.
- Report the incident to the police. Call the police or sheriff’s department and provide details about your attack. Inform them you’ve been raped, and an officer or investigator will come to interview you as soon as possible. Larger, metro law enforcement departments have officers specially trained in sexually-related crimes. However, smaller divisions do not. Once the officer arrives, you will be asked to give a detailed description of the events leading up to the crime, along with your version of how the crime occurred. Don’t be surprised if the officer asks several questions, interrupts you or asks you to repeat yourself many times. His job is to get as many details from you as he can. If you feel that he is not taking your case and complaint seriously, feel free to complain to his supervisor. You must realize, however, that some departments will judge you immediately based on the fact that you are an escort. You must emphasize that you agreed to meet to meet the client, but you never consented to sexual contact as a part of the encounter.
- Call your attorney. While you are waiting for an officer to arrive to take your statement, it’s essential that you call your attorney. (If you don’t have one, you should make sure that you establish a relationship with a lawyer prior to any trouble.) Even though you’ve done nothing wrong legally, it’s common for law enforcement officials to completely misconstrue the work of an escort. If your attorney can be present during your official interview with the investigator, it is certainly preferable. Even though you shouldn’t be worried about the legal ramifications of reporting a client who attacked you, the truth is that you can never be too careful. Additionally, your lawyer can help you navigate the legal system, understand the process and ensure you are getting the attention you deserve.
- Collect your thoughts. Even if you don’t plan on reporting the incident (and, especially, if you do!), it’s important that you can put into clear details what exactly happened during the attack on you by your client. Review the incident in your head and go over each step that lead up to what occurred. Rape counselors encourage victims to write down what they can remember. If writing isn’t your thing, consider using your phone or camera to record video of you telling what happened. All details are important to document, ranging from your client’s personal appearance, what he said, how he acted, what he did and any other details you associate with the situation. From hearing the 11 a.m. train outside to remembering that a certain song was on the radio at the time, these details could all prove to be useful in the long term. If you choose to not report the incident, a clear version of the incident is still helpful to have in order to know exactly what happened. You may be tempted to block out the assault (which is natural), but at some point you need to face reality in order to heal. A clear account of the details is necessary to do that.
- Seek support. Being raped is a traumatic experience that doesn’t go away easily. Memories of the event may haunt you for years or the rest of your life. Going through the physical examination or law enforcement interview is hectic, demeaning and scary. Dealing with the aftermath of emotions is challenging. Call on friends and family members for support and help. They love you, and they should be willing to come in your time of need. Don’t be afraid to call on them; don’t fear what they will think or that they will judge you. Reach out for their support and love. If you don’t feel comfortable asking for help from your loved ones, consult with a local rape crisis center. These centers have experienced rape counselors and other personnel who can help you deal with the entire process. Often, the counselors or volunteers have been victims of rape themselves, so they understand what you are going through as well as anyone. Even though you are an escort and may have sexual contact with people regularly, being raped is completely different from consensual sex. It is an attack on your autonomy and personal power. It’s the ultimate invasion of your privacy and security. You will need to find some support from someone. In addition to counselors at a rape crisis center, there are often rape support groups that meet weekly where you can air your fears, angers and other concerns freely with others who have experienced similar situations. It’s important for you to find people who stand behind you during this experience.
- Take ample time to recover before going back to your daily routine. It’s going to be difficult to return to escorting after you’ve been violated by a client. Not only must you heal physically from the attack, but you have to also allow yourself time to mentally restore before you begin escorting, again. Some escorts choose to abandon the industry altogether. (Some who have been the victim of an assault or robbery choose to leave the industry. If you’ve been the victim of any sort of crime as an escort, it’s understandable for you to want to move on to a new career.) If you do want to continue as an escort, don’t jump back in full force with a completely packed schedule. Allowing yourself some time off may put pressures on you to go back to work quickly with a significant number of encounters. However, until you are sure how you will handle situations with clients, it’s best to ease back into your work schedule with a few reliable clients at a time. Pick and choose the clients you meet up with after being attacked. Book encounters with your favorites as a way to transition back into feeling like the industry is a positive place for you.
- Blacklist the client. Regardless of whether you pursue formal legal charges against your client for raping you or not, make sure you save other escorts from the same peril you experienced by listing him on the National Blacklist. The blacklist is a database of information that includes negative experiences with male clients. It is searchable by the bad client’s name, review board handle, phone number and email, in addition to his city of residence. The database and other regional ones like it serves to warn escorts about dangerous clients, timewasters and otherwise unsavory encounters. If you belong to a network of escorts who communicate with one another, definitely warn them about your client and the assault you experienced. Even if others think he is acceptable, they should know what he is capable of in some situations.
- Be careful. Take extra caution to screen your clients carefully, even asking for references from other escorts. Some escorts who return to the industry after an attack limit themselves to regulars or former clients for some time. If you do add new clients, avoid any situation that would provide opportunities for a similar attack to occur, again. Employ a security partner who will watch your back, and only see new clients at your incall. These extra precautions may seem excessive, but they will give you the peace of mind you require to get back up on the horse, so to speak.
- Block the client. Sometimes, a client is so dense, pompous or entitled that he thinks you will see him, again, after he raped you. He thinks that the whole experience was just part of the encounter. (Actually, some clients become aroused through these types of situations.) If your client continues to attempt to book encounters with you or make contact with you in any way, block them. Use the function on your phone to block his calls and texts. Implement the “rule” in your email to automatically delete any messages from him. Block them from contacting you altogether. If necessary, change your number, in order to get away from him.
Please note: Skipthegames.com is not a legal service, nor are we tax advisors or accountants. We do offer you what we consider our best advice, but if at all in doubt, please consult a professional.