What does “ladylike” mean?

In the fashion world there is a wonderful word for a certain, timeless, elegance: ladylike. It is a word the escort world rarely uses perhaps because its implications are lost on many of the potential clients. Instead escorts are referred to as “high end” or “high class” or “up market” or “upscale”. Which is, I am afraid, rather to miss the point.

by Hanna Jay

Leave escorting to one side, people don’t actually speak of other people as “high end” – they say that about kitchen appliances. “Up market” refers to condominiums. People talking about women will use words like pretty, cute, sporty, stylish, beautiful, elegant and, rarely, ladylike.

When an escort is marketing herself words matter. Using the right words attracts the right clientele. If you want affluent, generous and sophisticated gentlemen to be your escort clients you need to use words and images and a style which will send just the right signal.

As importantly, the experience an escort at the top end of the marketplace is offering is a fantasy quite out of the ordinary run of male experiences. However, before we arrive at what the experience is, let’s look at what the poule de luxe encounter is not about.

“Model Quality” is an awful term made all the worse when it appears in escort ads. While many very expensive girls are beautiful a lot more are simply attractive girls who have invested in good photography, good lighting and know their way around a makeup table. The gentleman paying top dollar for an encounter with an escort knows what he is looking for. Certainly there are some gentlemen who want to sleep with models – and there are plenty of models more than willing, for the right price, to provide their company. However, other gentlemen are looking for attributes other than perfect facial symmetry.

“Fireworks in Bed” It is tempting to think that the crème de le crème in the escort world are brilliant in bed. No doubt some have exceptional skills; but technique is rarely the draw. The fact is that what one man enjoys in bed, another man will find ho hum.

“Expensive Surroundings” Of course it is lovely if a girl has a glorious flat or is staying in a grand hotel; but a lump of coal in a Tiffany box is not a diamond.

“Designer Clothes” An escort charging premium rates can certainly afford designer clothes; but designer clothes will not define a successful encounter at the top of the market. In fact, many men will not really notice that you are wearing a Dolce Gabana skirt or head to toe Armani.

In fact, at the very top of the escort market, girls have the designer option but as a choice rather than a statement.

Ladylike Basics

At the top of the market an escort is virtually indistinguishable from a non-escort.

If you look at glossy, well off, women you’ll quickly notice just how “finished” they are. And it isn’t just expensive clothes or sleek hair. It begins much more basically.

Strong successful women are attractive – regardless of physical features – for a variety of reasons which begin with how they carry themselves. An escort who wants to command top rates needs to be able to walk with a degree of confident authority. She needs to look as if she knows exactly where she is going.

But a lady tempers confidence with grace. She is never rushed, she is never hurried, she glides. That look may appear tough to achieve but an escort can make it work with a few ladylike decisions.

First, always a dress or a suit or a skirt and blouse. Never trousers unless you are boating. A full skirt is almost always preferred. Second, reasonable heels and no clunky platforms. Louboutins are great fun but are tough to walk well in. Third, a lady is undressed if she is not wearing stockings (and not panti-hose). Sheer stockings and a good firm garterbelt will put a bit of spring in your step. And, as an escort, your stockings will thrill your client.

Deciding to dress like a lady will lead, directly, to you being treated like a lady. Just as importantly, wearing sensible heels, stockings and a full skirted dress will mean you have to walk with a degree of deliberation.

The more ladylike an escort is the less likely she will be spotted as an escort. A hugely important fact when you aspire to the higher levels of the escorting world.

Ladies do not slouch, hunch their shoulders or drop their chins. From an early age they have been trained to hold their heads high, their shoulders back and their backs straight. When an escort does the same thing she will find, simply by altering her posture, that she will look taller, thinner, more elegant and more confident.

Beyond the Basics

Making top dollar as an escort is very much a matter of assuming you are worth it and charging accordingly. Which is, believe it or not, very ladylike behaviour. Ladies are not to be confused with high maintenance women or suburban princess wannabes with more money than taste. Ladies recognize that they enhance the value of things by wearing or using them rather than the other way around.

In practice, a lady, and an escort learning the value of ladylike behaviour, lives by the maxim that “the more you know the less you need”. A hundred pairs of the wrong shoes never add up to the right pair of shoes. Thirty tubes of red lipstick is never the same as one tube of the lipstick right for you.

An escort, with all that delightful money coming through her door in crisp hundreds can easily be tempted to buy lots of things which are attractive in the store. It is in the nature of having a serious cash income. And one of the reasons cash produces retail therapy and its attendant excess of “stuff” is that to someone paid in cash the actual bills don’t seem terribly substantial. A new pair of boots does.

When you look at a lady one of the things which is immediately apparently is that she would rather do without than wear or carry something second rate. Which means a lady seldom wears anything complicated or has shoes or bags which distract the eye.

Less really is more and the clever escort moves towards ladylike perfection by editing her look. While the occasional bold pattern is brilliant on a scarf, it is rarely wise on a dress or a skirt. Having twenty colours in your wardrobe means nothing goes with anything. A muted, three colour palette means that all your shoes will go with all your dresses and any top will go with any skirt.

An escort dressed as a lady will actually enhance her look because simple looks expensive even when its been bought at a consignment store. Unless you have brilliant legs, and even if you do, a longer skirt keeps your client in suspense. A glimpse of cleavage is fine but covering up is a ladylike way of creating mystery.

You can often tell a lady, and a lower end escort, by the bag she chooses. A lady will carry plain, well made, single colour bags. Sometimes large if the occasion warrants. She eschews buckles, large designer initials (well, perhaps the coupled “Cs” of Chanel and the stylized “H” of Hermes), multiple pockets, fringes of any sort and My Little Pony or Hello Kitty attachments. Simple, clean lines without adornment bespeak a lady.

What ladies know and aspirant escorts should know, is that a good, inexpensive, alterationist, makes the difference between a lady wearing her clothes or her clothes wearing her. Simply taking in the waist of a dress will make even the most demure outfit suddenly become body conscious. And the fun part of really well fitted clothes is that their artfulness is hidden from all but the most attentive and knowledgeable observer.

Simplicity, great fit, monochrome palette, uncluttered: these are the qualities of a lady’s clothing, accessories and, when it comes down to it, her home and her office. But they are not the lady, rather they reflect her. An escort can take these outward appearances and fashion a style which will welcome men of discernment and wealth; but where the lady has the most to teach the escort is about what the lady brings to her encounters.

The Lady’s Gaze

It is a given at most levels of the escorting business that the escort’s main gift is the gift of pleasure. She entertains her callers who, in turn, pay for her time. It is a given which, as a girl rises higher in her profession, becomes less and less a one way street.

For escorting clients, the regulars and the hobbyists and the sales guy with a lonely night to fill, the escort is offering a simple service. It is not complicated and there is nothing expected of the client other than his payment.

That is until you reach the very top. The international courtesans, the yacht girls and the call girls who service the 1%: what they bring to their encounters is far more than enthusiasm and a willingness to play for pay. What they bring is the Lady’s Gaze.

Now the roles are reversed to a degree. For a top escort money is part of the equation. Obviously an important part but she is looking for, demanding, more. Part of it is material – diamonds are a girl’s best friend but a car and a condo hold their value. Travel to places she want to go. Gifts which actually show that her patrons have learned her tastes.

The Lady’s Gaze is the moment when a girl understands that while she might still be seen as an escort she has, in fact, been transformed into a desired companion. More accurately, she has transformed herself into the sort of woman that men will want in their lives and hang the expense.

Now the escort cum courtesan is in much the same position as any other woman competing for a wealthy, successful, man. Save that she does not want to marry the man, merely enjoy the many kindnesses he can provide. She can, just like a lady, expect good manners, charming behaviour and as much of the good life as her client can afford.

By learning the ways of the lady she had become a lady herself with one huge difference: she does not play by the ladies’ rules. Instead she offers all the style, intelligence and wit of a lady but for a price rather than a commitment.

In the end, even the most ladylike escort knows that she actually operates outside the rules and conventions of the ladies’ world. While she has the Lady’s Gaze she is a buccaneer; not for her the house and clothes and kids and cars the lifetime commitment entails. At the peak of the escort world are strong, confident, independent women working for their own account.

Each understands the elaborate simplicity of ladylike style and behaviour. These escorts do not put a foot wrong. They also know their manners and intelligence allow them to “pass” wherever their clients may take them.

Most of all they understand the implicit tradeoff they are making: for a few years they will make money as buccaneers. They will follow the escorts’ rules of discretion and detachment in exchange for the money and gifts which grateful men will give them. Men who, for one reason or another, want to take a break from the commitment driven world of the ladies they know while still enjoying the pleasures of an attractive, willing and honest woman.

A lady brings high expectations and standards to her encounters with the men who might marry her. She holds her head high and says, implicitly, “show me”. The lady understands her value and is not willing to waste it on a marriage to a man who might not meet her standards.

A ladylike escort brings precisely the same high standards and expectations to her encounters. She sets her own value and anticipates that her clients will be delighted to pay her tariff and more. But she, unlike the lady, gives her clients the one gift which money can buy: freedom. The absence of the entanglements and implicit understandings a lady brings with her to the first date. For many successful, wealthy, men the cost of even the most expensive escort is tiny compared to the ongoing costs of marrying a lady.

An escort who is able to learn the ways of a lady but who keeps her buccaneer’s heart the top of the escorting profession awaits.