The myth and reality of the girlfriend experience

GFE or “girlfriend experience” is a commonly used acronym in the escorting business. Many guys seek out escorts who provide this service exclusively and are uninterested in anything else. In my own experience, this does tend to be the most popular type of encounter. I’ve had clients who are after more of a PSE (porn star experience), but that tends to be considerably more rare. So first of all, what does the girlfriend experience involve exactly?

by Ashly Lorenzana

The best way I can sum it up is that it includes all of the perks of girlfriend sex and intimacy, without all the other elements of a commitment.

Girlfriend experience

For most clients who want the girlfriend experience, it means they want affectionate sex that involves making out and other intimate acts that are usually present with someone you have passionate feelings for.

This sort of conflicts with the “rules” a lot of escorts put in place for their own boundaries. From what I have been told, it’s pretty common for escorts to not allow kissing with clients. That always struck me as a little odd. I mean, if you’re going to have sex with a person then what is the big deal about kissing them on the mouth, right?

When I think about it, I suppose I can see both sides of it. In fact, when I reflect on my work as an escort I can actually think of many different clients who might have been kept in check more effectively if I had not allowed things like kissing.

When I first started out in the business, this was my take on kissing. If you need to make a no kissing rule and yet you are willing to exchange sexual favors for money, then you must have some personal problem or emotional discomfort with what you’re doing and that means you probably shouldn’t do it.

The reason I heard most often for not allowing kissing was that such things are reserved for more intimate relationships, not clients. But HOW on earth was sex less intimate than kissing, is what I always demanded to know.

The problem you run into is this. You know you are with a client because they are paying you. When you reserve kissing for real intimate relationships, this ensures that the client doesn’t forget your reasons for being there as well.

Guys can sometimes get confused when an escort seems to genuinely enjoy the time you spend together and freely gives you the same affection that a girlfriend might. It’s not at all uncommon for the line between real passion and professional entertainer becomes blurred for clients who see GFE escorts.

More experienced “hobbyists” tend to handle this much better than younger or less experienced guys do. They know what’s up and have been in the game long enough to realize that while you may have fun with an escort while she’s there, she does have a life that does not involve you once she leaves.

While clients may be thinking of an escort long after they leave, it’s probably unrealistic to wonder if that is mutual.

My ex-husband used to have a joke he loved to tell whenever the topic of “GFE” came up. He’d say something like,

If you want the real girlfriend experience, then give her your credit card and drop her off at the mall… and don’t expect any sex afterward either

While it made me snicker, there is some truth to that. Obviously with committed relationships, a lot more is expected in terms of emotional support and long-term financial stability. Yet another reason for the girlfriend experience being as appealing as it is with many clients. Anyone can afford a girlfriend for only an hour or two, but it will cost you some serious money to invest in a steady full time partner.

I had plenty of clients who ended up wanting to develop a real relationship with me in the past. Usually this doesn’t end well. Either they thought they could handle my job and ended up failing due to insecurities or the attraction wasn’t reciprocated and they were just left feeling hurt and rejected.

How much of that I can attribute to kissing and being laid back about my time is impossible to say with any certainty. But let’s just say I can see both sides of the coin at this point. While I am certainly not going to stop providing services the way I always have, I do have a better understanding now of why some women choose to make such rules.