17 common-sense dos and don’ts for exotic dancers at private parties

Adult service providers who work as exotic dancers may find opportunities to entertain clients at private parties. Birthdays, bachelor/stag events, going away celebrations and other activities may warrant some scantily clad eye candy for the party goers’ appreciation. But, working a private party is a lot different from doing a night at the club. Before you show up for a private gig, pay attention to these important tips so that you and your clients’ experiences are as great as possible.

  1. Do get your money up front. Just like a lot of professionals require prepayment before administering services, you should do the same. When you arrive to the party, locate the person in charge of booking you and establish contact. Introduce yourself (unless you’ve already met) and discuss the plan and any adjustments. As long as everything is still agreeable to you and meets your requirements/guidelines, this is the point where money should exchange hands. Confirm your fee and indicate that payment is due. Most clients will gladly pay cash and readily hand it over. However, some will insinuate that they thought you worked for tips or that they could pay afterward, as they take up a collection from “the guys.” If this is the case, walk out. If the money isn’t ready for you, do not start working. Don’t take a check: it could bounce or the client could stop payment on it. Don’t take credit cards: he could do a chargeback or dispute the payment. Basically, get cash before you even think about shaking your booty.
  2. Do screen your client prior to accepting the gig. All adult service providers should do their homework on their clients so they know what to be prepared for and whether they should accept a job. Ask him a few questions about himself – name, town of residence, aliases, profession and purpose of the gig. Ask about where the party will be located, how many attendees will be present and other details about the event. Inquire with your client about his expectations of your performance. Once you get a few of these details, do your research. If you find any negative reviews about your client, reconsider accepting the booking. Finding anything questionable about your client, the location or the party plans is a legitimate reason to decline the job. No amount of money is worth putting yourself into a situation where your safety is at risk, not to mention your reputation or professionalism.
  3. Do bring a form of security with you. It’s rare to find professional exotic dancer who has not been assaulted in some fashion by a client. Whether it’s inappropriate touching or physical violence, unwanted contact is unacceptable. Even though many clients are respectful and would never do anything without your consent, others take your provocative, teasing behavior as an invitation to act on their impulses, despite your refusals. When you’re at a private party, attendees feel like the rules are looser and they are allowed more freedom in how they enjoy your show. To help prevent bad situations, bring someone with you. Just another presence in the room can discourage partiers from getting too touchy. If possible, bring a bouncer-type assistant with you. Not only will he be intimidating to your clients, but he can circumvent a handsy client before things get too serious with him. AND – he can watch your personal items and belongings. (Most importantly, he can make sure that your money is safe while you’re performing.)
  4. Do perform early during a party. Request from your client that your performance be in the first half of the event, if possible. As the party wears on, attendees will get drunker and higher (if it’s that kind of event). And, the more intoxicated or influenced they are, the more out of hand they may become as you do your thing. A party is a lot easier to deal with when the crowd is not as rowdy. There will be less heckling, man-handling and inappropriate comments/requests. Overall, the spectators will be more polite and respectful. Additionally, they will enjoy your performance much more when they are focused on you versus getting the next drink or doing their next line. If you dance at the end of the party, some will already be passed out and beyond the point of sitting through your routines. They won’t be able to fully participate in your show, as you may have planned.
  5. Do party in pairs. Even though performing singly will earn you the entire fee for a party, it’s going to be extremely tiring for you if you attempt to go it alone. If you’re scheduled for a one-hour gig at an event, you will be expected to dance for an entire hour. You may not get a break and party goers will want your attention for the full time you’re there. It’s a lot easier to entertain at a party when you have a partner. She can pick up the slack when you take a break, in addition to helping out with props or music. Additionally, many clients like it when dancers are affectionate with each other. Girl-on-girl action is usually a big hit and something you can do when you have a co-dancer with you. However, when you pair up for a party, be sure to match yourself up with a dancer who is similar in body type and height to you. If you’re mismatched, it’s not nearly as appealing for your clients who want to see you together. You don’t have to be mirror images, but some similarities will make you a much more attractive pair.
  6. Do establish rules for your performance up front. Determine ahead of time what your stipulations are for your show. Maybe you will do no lap dances. Perhaps, you will allow touching, but only with permission. Whatever your rules are, be sure to inform your client what they are. It’s fairly common for adult service providers to complain that clients break their rules, but they aren’t always conscientious about laying them out specifically ahead of time. At the beginning of a show, don’t be afraid to be a downer by giving your audience clear guidelines about what you allow and what you won’t. They need to know so that they can act appropriately and enjoy the show to the fullest extent possible. If your rules get broken, continuously, throughout your time at the party, don’t hesitate to leave. Pick up your belongings and go home.
  7. Don’t allow party attendees to film or photograph your performance. Even if you are open with your friends and loved ones about your adult services career, you don’t want pictures of you in your g-string appearing all over the Internet or social media. In this day and age where everyone has a smart phone out at nearly all times, it’s difficult to limit their use during your performance. But, that’s one thing your security guard/bouncer can help with. If you notice that your client is recording your performance, feel free to pick up your things and leave. Expressly prohibit your audience to record your show. But, volunteer to take photos with those who desire a picture memento of the evening later. By volunteering to take pics with the guys, it encourages them to put their phones down and be patient.
  8. Do set limits on how long you will entertain at a party. Some clients will call and ask you to perform during the entire four hours of their event. That’s totally unreal. Obligating to yourself for too long at an event will do two things: 1) completely wear you out, and 2) diminish your ability to perform well, harming your reputation. Typically, when you work at a club, you’re on stage for two or three songs at a time. Then, you take a break either backstage or on the floor, visiting with patrons. But, at a party, if you entertain for four hours, it’s all you and your show. Being “on duty” for an entire party is hard work, even if you’re not responsible for dancing the entire time. You’re doing an acting job the full time and dancing a lot. Before accepting a gig, it’s essential to clarify what you’re committing to, how long you’ll be there and what the expectations are for you being on your feet. If you feel the time requested it too long, explain why and bargain for less time at the party.
  9. Do lap dances only if you want to. Many dancers think that they are REQUIRED to perform lap dances for party attendees when they entertain at an event. That is untrue. You are allowed to establish your own guidelines… which includes the right to deny lap dances or other more intimate activities. Often, a party organizer will ask for “special” privileges for the honoree. For instance, the best man may ask for private time for the groom at a bachelor party. If you don’t want to allow any personal contact between you and attendees, don’t do it. Allow it only if you want to… or prohibit it from your services at a private party.
  10. Do get ready at the party. Often, a party planner will ask that you arrive to the event inconspicuously. For instance, if the party is a hotel suite on the 12th floor, you may be asked to travel there in a fashion that will attract the least attention possible. So, walking in the hotel in your flashiest outfit won’t exactly blend in. Arrive at the party a little early and change in a bathroom or bedroom on site. Bring your gear and your attire with you, so that you don’t attract extra scrutiny. Explain ahead of time that you’ll need a private place to get ready and that you won’t arrive in full costume. However, if it’s not possible to change on site, dress in such a fashion that you can blend in but strip down fairly easily at the party. If it’s a surprise party, changing on site will be out of the question. You’ll have to wear a coat or other costume that will hide your true identity.
  11. Don’t let your guard down when you leave the event. It’s essential to be aware if anyone follows you from the party. Be conscious of someone who trails you as you drive home. You don’t want anyone to know where you live, as he could plan to attack or rob you later. (Even if he just wants to spy on you, that’s creepy enough to avoid.) Additionally, do NOT take public transportation home from an event. You are too easily followed and observed. No party attendee needs to be able to track your whereabouts after you leave the event. Drive your own car, get a ride from your security guard or catch a cab. All are safer options.
  12. Do talk to party attendees. Your job is not only to dance and show off your sexy body, but it’s also to entertain on a more personal level. That involves having conversations with your clients and their friends. You should strive to be well-spoken and interested in the clients you speak with. Be attentive and try to appeal to them on their level, discussing topics they are interested in. Keep things light, be complimentary and always be in a good mood. Nobody wants a bitter, angry stripper at a party. And, don’t forget to smile. This part of your performance may be remembered well beyond how hot you were on stage dancing to a favorite tune.
  13. Do express your gratitude. At the end of the night (or your part of the show), thank your client and the party-goers. Because of them, you are able to perform your craft and take some money home to pay bills or put toward other goals. They’ve shown appreciation for your beauty and talent; show yours for their respectful attitudes and fun personalities…and, for booking you.
  14. Don’t stay over the time agreed. True professionals leave when their contract is up. You have no idea what else is in store for the party or event you’re booked for. Staying late could cause the party’s agenda to be messed up. And, by staying later than the time agreed, you could set a precedent that other clients may expect you to follow through on, too. When the time is up, graciously excuse yourself and wish the client and his friends the best. Additionally, the longer you stay at a party, the rowdier it may get. Even the nice, quiet guys could become real problems toward the end of the night.
  15. Don’t drink alcohol. Some parties may involve large quantities of alcohol flowing freely and/or use of illegal substances. Most clients will offer an entertainer use of any recreational substances at the party. The wisest choice to make is to just steer clear of all of it. Too much alcohol or getting high can cause you to perform poorly and make bad choices. Also, you don’t know that the drugs or drinks aren’t spiked with the date rape drug. You’re putting yourself into a bad situation by consuming substances you aren’t familiar with.
  16. Do have g-strings available as mementos for the party crowd. Often, at a bachelor party or other event, party attendees are interested in having a souvenir to remember the night by. A g-string is the perfect item. You can buy them in bulk fairly cheaply from a lot of online sites and you can mark them up by a few dollars to recoup the cost. Plus, they don’t take up much room in your bag. Some clients will really like this idea, while others won’t be interested at all.
  17. Do have fun. While a party might not be the best place you can think of to be on a Saturday night, it’s possibly the best paying one. Once you’ve accepted the gig, it’s important to put on the best, happiest facade possible. Your audience is excited to see you; they want to feel like you’re having a good time, too. Try to enjoy it and bask in the limelight.