Despite your best efforts to avoid them, it’s fairly routine to run across clients with controlling personalities when you’re an escort. Their controlling natures could be one of the character traits that continues to send these clients to you, because they are constantly looking for a woman they can influence and motivate to view the world their way.
As a result of the dynamics in your professional relationship with them, they assume that since you accept their behavior and bow to their requests, you are succumbing to their charms… when, in actuality, you are simply being a good escort and playing along during the encounter.
However, while some clients are easy enough to appease during your weekly or monthly visits with them, others become much harder to satisfy as their demands and desires intensify. Consider these ways to identify and manage controlling clients before trouble arises:
- Many controlling clients attempt to disguise their manipulative tendencies by offering to be your sugar daddy. A sugar daddy/baby relationship is the perfect veil for a client’s intentions to oversee your every move and influence your behavior, personal relationships and thoughts. Even though they make their offer sound very attractive, it’s not one you should jump on. When a controlling client wants to make you his sugar baby, it’s rarely about the fact that he wants to take care of you, even if that’s what he’s claiming. Using the age-old excuse that he wants life to be easy for you, he may convince you that entering into a relationship that makes you dependent upon him is a win-win for both of you. But, you are the one who is taking the risks. Once your client begins to criticize and belittle your life, he will expect you to shape up to his standards. In order to protect your living arrangements and income provided by him, you have to do as he says. (And, by this point, you’ve probably alienated all of your friends and family members and given up your escorting career — making him the major/only player in your life.)
- Some clients offer to provide you with high-ticket gifts. If they catch that you are in need of (or are looking to purchase) a new vehicle, your controlling clients may suggest that they purchase it for you, with an agreement that the vehicle is payment for a specified time period. Or, a client might suggest that he’d be happy to pay for cosmetic surgery, especially if you complain about an imperfect body part or wrinkles. Other high-ticket items could be targeted by a client who wishes to gain more control over you, too. However, once you’ve gotten the item(s) the client has paid for, he expects you to consent to his way of thinking or doing things. He will begin making suggestions that he expects you to take in earnest. It’s probable that he will insinuate you owe him more time than you’re making for him. As a result, you end up feeling indebted to him, while he feels overly entitled to your time and attention. After all, he bought something big for you; he feels like you owe him. And, if you don’t comply with his wishes or way of thinking, he will threaten to take away the item he has funded, leaving you in a lurch or in a difficult position.
- Controlling clients often book multiple encounters with an escort on a weekly or monthly basis. While this is not a sure-fire way to predict that a client will show his controlling ways soon, it can certainly indicate that he could lean that way. (However, some clients are just eager for your attention.) Clients who wish to be in charge of your life take advantage of frequent visits as a way to learn more about your life and what you are up to regularly. They may attempt to find out information about your relationships, other clients or other aspects of your life that could eventually interfere with your encounters with him. Additionally, through booking several encounters, he limits your exposure to other clients. The move is called “divide and conquer.” By separating you from your other clients, you lack that consistent reassurance from them that you are a quality escort. As your controlling client draws you away from your other regulars, he will begin with tactics that will slowly influence your behavior in many ways.
- Any client who is overly consumed with discussing his potential jealousy for your other clients or your real-life partner could show signs of being controlling. Of course, it’s natural for a client to was on about how you’re the perfect woman and how he wishes he could spend his life with you, etc., etc., etc. But, when a client repeatedly mentions that he is jealous of the time you spend with other clients or is envious of your romantic partner, you may need to take heed. Even though he may be just trying to compliment you, jealousy is a common trait for ultra controlling people. To them, it’s a sign that they are not in control if you are fraternizing with other men. This realization will eat at them, until they feel the need to do something about it, such as forbidding you to see other clients or insisting that they can replace your partner.
- Any client with a court record of domestic abuse is a threat you should take precautions with. Even though the incident may have all been a “misunderstanding”, as your client explains to you, the fact remains that he was arrested for some sort of dispute. These domestic disputes often center around control or a lack of it, which causes a person to lash out irrationally. Many of these characters are ticking time bombs, just waiting to go off. You never know exactly what will trigger them: a comment, a look or simply not picking up the phone in time. Be sure to research your clients’ backgrounds, including a public records search that includes arrest reports. If you discover that a client has a record for domestic abuse, handle him with kid gloves or pass him along to another escort before he sets his sights on you.
- Clients who administer rough physical treatment may be trouble. If you and he have a disagreement and he grabs your arm too hard or pushes you down on the bed when you didn’t say the “right” thing, it’s a good sign that his underlying intentions are not ones of magnanimity and kindness. Even if your client apologizes for the bruises he left on your arm, it’s not good enough to forget the entire incident. This situation should perk your radar up for other signs that your client is trying to manage the way you act or what you say. Under no circumstances should you tolerate a client injuring you in any way, even if it’s just simply grabbing your arm harshly. He has no right to put his hands on you in a harmful manner and you can leave the encounter at any time. Keep in mind, though, that your client may react negatively if you leave, since it’s evident that he has lost control. He may lash out verbally and physically; use caution.
- It’s common for clients who exhibit quick infatuation with you, along with showering you with gifts during the first few days of your professional relationship, to later demonstrate controlling qualities. These type of people fall in love (or lust) very quickly, creating a fantasy dialogue in their heads. As a result, they may envision your relationship one way, while it’s really another way in life. They build it up to be more than it truly is, putting you in a difficult position to bring them back to how things actually are. Through the story they’ve manifested in their minds, everything is perfect and they are in control of the situation. However, when you start to resist their fantasies, everything unravels for them, causing them discomfort and anxiety. They may attempt to smother you with attention, in order to keep you in their lives. These kinds of clients are difficult to manage, because they don’t recognize the truth until you force it upon them.
- Any client who suggests that you reduce the size of your client list for him is on his way to being controlling. This is one of the first signs for an escort to back away from a client, because he is thinking of their relationship as something more than a professional association. If he wants you to stop seeing other clients (or to decrease the number you see), he is demonstrating he just wants to keep you all to himself. He doesn’t want you interacting with or enjoying other clients, because he wants you to save your best for him.
- Clients who begin telling you what to wear, what to say or how to act are definitely control freaks. From time to time, a client will ask an escort to wear a certain kind of uniform or outfit for a role-play scenario. Other times, he may ask her to show up in attire that really turns him on. But, the majority of the time, clients are exceptionally pleased with an escort’s choice of clothing or lingerie. But, not this client. He wants to tell you what to wear and what you should get rid of, due to his personal preferences. It’s likely that he will even offer to take you shopping, as long as you buy the items he likes. He may want you to speak in a certain way, using specific words to relay your thoughts. And, if he discourages your actions and encourages you to demonstrate behaviors he approves of, it’s a sure sign that his intentions are to mold you into his own creation. Once your client has felt freely enough to begin attempting to boss you around, it’s hard to turn his actions around. This is a client who should be cut loose before he damages your reputation or causes you much more trouble.
- Men who brag about their social or professional status may tend to be controlling. These clients are very proud of and put great stock into their superficial standings in society. They buy into the theory that their status, wealth or recognition will earn them great rewards. These clients who are obsessed with superficial tendencies are apt to be depending on you to act a certain way in order to ensure that his status is kept up. They are accustomed to controlling others, either through their family situations or work environments. As a result, they may attempt to manipulate you into doing what they want, too.
- It’s important to keep controlling clients at a distance once you’ve identified them. Despite the fact that your client is charming and gentlemanly right now, his behavior is apt to change when he discerns that you are out of his reach and unable to be controlled. As you realize what kind of personality he has, attempt to scale back the frequency of your encounters with him, eventually cutting him off altogether. Even if you see signs that he’s changing, it’s not your job to fix him or endure the process that is required to truly adjust his intentions. If you don’t cut him off completely, avoid allowing him to influence your life. Rebuke his efforts to give you advice, resist his compliments meant for manipulation and stand up for yourself. Don’t offer any more than a professional relationship; it’s fairly common for him to think that you and he have something more. Avoid going overboard with compliments or flattery once you discover that he may buy into them too much.
- Keep your security partner on alert. Many controlling clients are not threats. They probably won’t get violent or attempt to assault you for not going along with what they want. But, there is always that one incident that you will wish someone was there to help you. When you’re going to see this client you suspect of being controlling, notify your security partner and suggest that he accompany you to the outcall or be present at your incall. Sometimes just having your security partner around will deter your client from being overbearing or physically rough. Plus, it may intimidate him from his manipulative behavior.