Affair or an escort? Choose less drama and risk

It’s estimated that 1 in 3 persons will seek out the comfort of an escort, dancer or the sexual attentions of a prostitute at some point in their lives. The reasons are many: “the first time”, bachelor parties, a fear of commitment to monogamous relationships or, very commonly, a sexually unfulfilling marriage. As we spend a great deal of time with one person, sometimes spread out over years, sex waxes and wanes. Sometimes it’s hot and heavy and then can go tepid for a while. Cabin fever, jobs and their absence, kids, money stress, kicking responsibilities around, aging parents, a struggling economy, a mid-life crisis… countless are the reasons and excuses for married men and women to stray.

But how often to the people who seek out physical gratification actually want their marriages to end?

We marry our best friends. We spend months and years devoted to our mutual well-being. We become partners and parents together. We get each other through the tough times. We rely on each other. And those things are incredibly fulfilling on their own. But we still need sex. Some of us more than others. And some of us, a lot of it.

There is a cheating industry alone for married people looking to have an affair. The flagship of this industry has a tag line “Life is Short. Have an Affair”. It promotes allegedly safer circumstances for those looking to cheat, assuming that if you both have a marriage to risk, you’ll be less of a risk for each other. But their personal opinion on an affair versus the service they offer is a bit confusing:

Q: Does Ashley Madison encourage infidelity?
A: No, Ashley Madison does not encourage anyone to stray. In fact, if you are having difficulty with your relationship, you should seek counseling.
However, if you still feel that you will seek a person other than your partner to fill your unmet needs, then we truly believe that our service is the best place to start.

The problem is, even with a great deal to lose, it’s easy to get wrapped up in an affair with another person, despite their marital status, and to get in way over your head. Personal lines get crossed, friends become a part of the scandal, and more often than not the affair comes home with you in ways you really don’t want it to.

So, why do people seek out an extramarital relationship? For an open ear to listen to us vent about things that our partners can’t hear us talking about. For sex, obviously. For excitement. For a change of pace. For emotional and physical comfort. For a fix of pleasure.

All of these are provided by escorts with far less drama and risk on the side. Here’s why:

You’re their paying client, and not the only one at that. It may be romantic to think that your escort goes home replaying the joy of your time together. If she does, it’s because she’s a professional and is pondering on how she can serve you better in the future. But even more likely is that she’s moved on to figuring how to service the needs of another client. She’s not romanticizing about what you’re doing when you’re not together.

Their care is limited. You share a part of yourself with your escort. You may need her to listen to what’s been stressing you out lately, a mish-mash of your spouse, kids, job, parents etc. Or you may play out your most confident, poised fantasies together where life is just perfect. Either way, she’s seeing a part of you and responding to that. For exactly the amount of time you’ve paid to spend together. No more.

They don’t want to be “saved”. Yes, some people go into escorting out of despair. But we choose to assume that, no matter the reason, the escort respects herself and is using her escorting business for personal and professional satisfaction and for a limited time. Her business is what’s saving her. She’s not expecting you to be Richard Gere and climb up a fire escape to rescue them. She wants you to be respectful, courteous, and to pay her for the time you share. She’s not going to try to stamp herself on your life.

At the end of the day, it’s their business. Your escort is genuinely going to be interested in who you are and the time you are going to spend together. But that’s because you’re paying her for it. You are her client, not her boyfriend. While this may take a while for you to fully make peace with, it should be rather liberating. There’s no worry that she’s going to show up at your office at lunch hour, or that you’re going to have an incredibly awkward run-in in a crowded public space. Your escort knows discretion, and knows how to think on her feet to save both of you from an uncomfortable situation. Escorts know their role.

They’re there to compliment, not question or judge. If you date another married person, even if you both think that you’re cool with your situation, there will most likely come a point where one or both of you feels massively guilty. Or doubts their own part in the relationship. Or wants confirmation that they’re not bad for wanting sex outside of marriage. It’s a lot of drama. In conrtast, your escort reserves judgment. She’s there to make you feel good, to offer support and friendship and intimacy. Not to question or judge your choices.

They have lives of their own. It’s easy to forget that your escort has a full life outside of her job: kids, friends, spouses, hobbies, plans, career aspirations. She most likely has goals and dreams of her own. There’s a chance that those in her life aren’t fully aware of what it is she’s doing for a living. Because of this, there’s a far less chance that she’s going to want to attach herself to you for any personal reason.

Overall, it’s just a cleaner situation. There’s no spending time figuring out the person on the other end of the relationship. Or checking someone out at the gym and then having to pursue them, watching your back as you go. There’s no apologetic flowers or dramatic crying matches.

You get heard, get off, then go home.