Dear Miss Jay: Q&A #4

Q:I am an escort in a southern American city. I have a busy business, but honestly, I seem to be working hard for barely any money. My city is pretty competitive. Lots of girls. I advertise and I have a website. What can you suggest to increase my income?

A: I would suggest taking a closer look at your advertising and your website. Doing both is great; but how well are you doing them?

First, you need to determine how much revenue is each one bringing in. If you don’t have a way to measure this, put one in place. Track your email and telephone appointments. Ask your clients…”how did you find me?” Get a sense of where your clients are coming from. Which ever one is lagging behind gets your attention first. Ever heard of SEO? If no one can find you, they can’t hire you. Put an ad on your local Internet advertising site for someone to take a look at your website and give you recommendations for optimizing it. A bit of cash, yes, but it could push up the rankings and the search engines.

Secondly, you need to gauge how effective your advertising is. Look at your overall strategy and campaign. Have you determined your market accurately, and are you reaching it? Is one of your advertising venues stronger than the other? If so, why? And how can you capitalize on it? If you don’t have an advertising budget, set one.

Since there are a lot of girls, (ie. a lot of competition), you must structure your marketing to stand out from the crowd. What makes you different? What makes you special? Your look; your convenient location; your services? Why should someone call you and not them? Do you have professional photos? Do you have a user-friendly web-site? Do you answer calls or simply have a message or call back? Are you textable? Believe it or not, all these seemingly trivial details make a difference. In this busy, high-tech world, if you are not easy to reach you loose out to the girl that is.

Perhaps you need to take a look at what you offer. Is it in sync with the local demand? Try to create your own niche. If you have a special penchant for something…turn it into your stock in trade. Love lingerie? Love retro? Love that whole romantic seduction thing? So do a lot of men, and so you could become their go-to-girl. Get a theme and run with it. Push it to the max. Dress in a corset and stockings; greet them with champagne and a candle-lit bubble bath awaiting….you get the idea. Do something unique; be something unique. If your look is a bit tired or dated, it’s time to update, transform yourself into a siren, a dream date. To start, buy a tube of killer red lipstick. You’re on your way.

Whew, so now you have worked out your business and advertising model and have taken a sharp pencil to the expenditures versus the revenues, so now it is time to take your rates into consideration. What are your charging? The same as when you started? How do they compare to the competition? If you have strengthened your advertising, website, and services, you can confidently think about increasing your rates. “You get what you pay for” shall be your new mantra. Be worth it.


Q: How can I get my escorting clients to become regulars? They all seem pleased with my services but they don’t call back? What should I do?

A: Ah, the age-old dilemma. Sadly, variety is the spice of life for many a man. Like Scheherazade, you need to keep them coming back for the next chapter. You need a hook to bring them back.

You might want to leave a little something unfinished, or hint at more to come next time, to tantalize your client to make a return visit. Often by assuming that there will be a next time, plans the expectation that makes it so. Ultimately, men really like to be told what to do, so tell them that you would really like to see them again, and that you have this and that in mind that you think that they would like. How flattering, he thinks! Make no mistake, he will be thinking about this until he sees you again. Mission accomplished!


Q: I have a wonderful regular escorting client who has asked me to go camping with him. I have to admit that I am not a “camping” sort of girl. On the other hand, he is suggesting 5000 reasons for a two-night expedition. He is totally trustworthy so I am not worried about that. But, frankly, I’d rather go to the dentist.

A: You have my full sympathy on this one. A five-star hotel, maybe. Camping? You must be kidding!

His 5000 reasons are all very interesting (not), but what are his $$$ reasons to induce you to agree to such madness? Frankly, no amount would get me to sleep on the ground, but you can use your own judgment.

The best approach, is to simply, and lightheartedly, say that you are “just not a camping kinda girl”. How would he know this fact? You must tell him.

A gentleman will revise his plans on the spot. Describe to him your ideal getaway, and see how he responds. A mutually planned vacation is always the best sort, because you are not like every other woman…and certainly not at ALL like the sort that would agree to be taken camping, for heaven’s sake. How lucky he has found you!


Q: A delightful, and rather wealthy, client of mine wants to have what he calls a Fin de siècle dinner. He would like to take me and a girlfriend to a private room in a very nice restaurant in an older part of our city. Corsets, décolletage, champagne and, I suspect, much naughtiness under the table and on the chaise.

I’m game and I have a very pretty girlfriend who is interested as well. Two issues: first, my girlfriend is not an escort. She knows I work as one, but she doesn’t. The envelope here is going to be very thick and, obviously, I am going to share it with her. However, as this is my date, do you think I should give her half or some other amount?

Second issue: my client wants to record the evening for his repeated enjoyment. Video and still shots. I am a very discreet escort and I have a somewhat stuffy day job. My worry is that these videos and stills might make their way to the Internet. As you can guess, I would love to have a delicious, decadent dinner, but I really need to clear up these two issues.

A: Yes, you most certainly should. And then you can carry on and have an exquisite evening. What a delightful proposition! Your client sounds like quite the find.

The amount that you pay your friend to participate is at your discretion. Since it is your date, and your client, I would think that a 60/40 split would be equitable. She doesn’t necessarily need the full calculation, just ask her if she would do it for X number of dollars, and get her response. Since your client is wealthy and generous, she will likely be thrilled with the compensation for a thoroughly decadent time.

Everyone is a photographer/videographer these days. Sigh. Even without a stuffy day job this presents a vexing issue that seems to come back to haunt many a naïve escort. There is no real way to ensure that the resulting footage or photos remains for purely private purposes. So you can do one of two things; you can trust your client with his word and allow the evening to be recorded, and hope for the best; or you can refuse and let him rely on his memory of the evening’s enchantments. You have to make the decision, I fear, not me.


Q: Silly escort question I realize but… should the straps on a garter belt be worn on top of the panty or underneath? Looking at the advertising pictures online they are always on top but I am just wondering if it is how it should be done.

A: What a good question, and one that I am happy to clear up because it is a technique that is often done wrong.

When wearing stockings with a garter, the strap should be underneath the panty. Otherwise, you are somewhat trapped in your lingerie, and going to the bathroom means fully undoing and redoing…which you really don’t want to.

For purposes of photography, or momentary admiration, over to top looks lovely. Choose your moment.

Q: Occasionally I have clients who ask for what might be called “extras”. Obviously there are things I will not do for safety or aesthetic reasons, but there are plenty of things I am more than happy to do. The question is, mid-session, how to you put a price to an extra and how can you be sure of being paid?

A: The simple answer is, you don’t. If you haven’t worked out the fee for services beforehand, don’t expect to be paid for something not agreed upon beforehand. A few costly mistakes teaches many an escort this lesson rather quickly. Be professional about it, and be clear about what your client wants and expects before you begin; and that both you, and he, know what he is paying for it.


Q: A couple years ago I worked as an escort. I then got a great job and moved to another city. I thought it would be a good time to end my escorting career and I did. When I was escorting, I had half a dozen great regulars.

I have a few vacation days coming up and I was thinking it might be interesting, and lucrative, to go back to my old city and see my regulars. Since I have their Internet contact info it would be easy to book an appointment with them.

Is this a good idea? I have to say I do miss the cash escorting brought in. But maybe I am better off with my great straight job and should just leave escorting in my past.

A: Time marches on. A couple of years ago in the escort business is a looooong time ago. Your clients have long since moved on, I’m afraid. They may, or may not, even be seeing an escort now. People change; circumstances change.

However, rather than give you MY answer, the decision really comes down to your own feelings about going back to something you had put behind you. You obviously feel some level of uncertainty or conflict (or you wouldn’t be asking me). On the positive side, is the extra income. But you didn’t mention what you perceive as the downside? That someone at work might find out (although it is not in the same city)? Or perhaps you really aren’t that person any more? Do some soul searching before you make any moves.

Much also depends on how comfortable you are contacting these men again. If you have your clients contact info, they also have yours. Since you left the business, have any of these regulars contacted you? Or did you inform all of them that you would no longer be available? In all likelihood, you would need to start over and establish a new client base. Is that something you really want to do? And how feasible is it if you don’t even live there? And is that how you want to spend your holidays?

Does your “great job” offer advancement opportunities and a way to raise your salary to satisfy your income expectations? This is worth your time and effort. Perhaps your vacation could be used to further your education in this field, or to gain some additional experience that could benefit you on the job. Yes, escorting sometime seems like easy money, but it sounds like something better has already come along.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure it is the right thing for you now.


Q: I am a 56 year old woman who has just sent her youngest of three children off to college. I am divorced, own my own house and have a decent part-time job. I have never been an escort but the idea is intriguing. I am in great shape, look ten years younger than my age, have great breasts and, if I do say so myself, a fabulous butt.

I am not the least bit shy and I enjoy men. Providing companionship, and more if the chemistry is right, is appealing for financial reasons but also because I think I might be good at it. I am a great listener.

But, and here is where I need your help, how do I start? What do I need to do to be an older escort?

A: Well, BRAVO! for being so worldly and so brave.

You have obviously really thought this through, and I think that your considerations are very sound. It seems to me that you will make a wonderful escort/companion for a more mature gentleman.

Yours is a market that is typically underserved, so you may find a ready clientele delighted to spend time with someone of your age and experience. And since you are not becoming an escort out of financial desperation, it makes the encounters so much more relaxed, and meaningful. As you so insightfully realize, many men who seek a mature escort are looking for more than mere sex; they want a companion, and someone to talk to, and spend time with.

I have written extensively on establishing an image and market, advertising, setting up a website, and the business aspects of becoming an escort, so please refer to these previous articles as there is simply too much material to cover in a brief answer to your question.

I would, however, suggest keeping your business model very simple. You are not seeking to become a full-time escort anyway. Start by putting a well-written advertisement in an appropriate on-line or print media. I would use a wonderful graphic (perhaps from the Belle-Epoque) rather than a photograph. This type of visual indicates that you are discrete and sophisticated. You are after a few great clients, not hordes.

Although it is early days, you may keep a mistress type arrangement in mind, as this is highly suitable and sought after by the older man. Many of these wealthy men are not looking for an ever-changing menu of sweet- young-things, they want someone they can get to know and trust. And someone who understands and appreciates the things that they do.

I do hope that you go ahead with your plans to escort. And sincerely wish you all the best in this endeavour. You have the intelligence and ambition to make it your own, and make it work according to your own agenda, which, in my books, is always the best route to happiness and success in whatever you set your mind and heart on.

Questions fielded by Hannah Jay