Some men really should not be allowed out the door without a minder. The sheer folly which leads to men getting caught visiting an escort is astonishing. The fact that they are visiting an escort is entirely up to them; but no matter how you look at it, visiting an escort counts as cheating on your wife or girlfriend unless you have her permission and, even then, watch out.
by Hannah Jay
Getting caught cheating — whether with the lovely woman down the street or an escort, — drops a man into a heap of trouble. It can put you on the fast track to divorce with the 50% asset stripping and general expense and overall pain. From the wife’s perspective, cheating with an escort may or may not be as bad as ending up in bed with your secretary. But let’s leave that for later.
While the visit to the escort may be the official “crime”, a wife is going to be just as angry at the fact that you were disrespectful enough that she found out about it. In most cases the wife or girlfriend was not actually looking to find out or snooping; she’s found out about your escort visits because you were careless enough to let her. And that is deeply insulting. That a man visits an escort is one thing, that he lacks the respect for his wife to cover his tracks, is quite another.
Let’s start with the basics:
- If you are married or have a steady girlfriend it is a good idea to assume that she is paying attention. She notices things. She has learned your patterns, what you do on Tuesday night.
- She knows what you smell like.
- If you arrive home two hours late and freshly showered she’ll notice. “Escort” might not be her first thought, but the seed of suspicion will be sown.
What creates suspicion can be pretty minimal: unexplained absences, a change of routine, a change in attitude, being short of money, dressing a bit better, being more attentive, being less attentive. In each case, change triggers suspicion.
Suspicion, in turn, leads to alertness and that usually means your wife or girlfriend will be looking for signs and evidence. Evidence can be pretty much anything. The obvious – an unexplained card or telephone number in that little pile of stuff which comes out of your pockets at the end of the day. A quick look at the numbers dialed on your cell phone. Or a look at the browser history on your computer.
As well, calls to where you say you are going to be to remind you to pick up some milk on the way home are quick and easy. If you are not where you say you are going to be it is not conclusive evidence but it is uncomfortable making.
There is no recognized point where you are “caught”. It will vary from woman to woman but the point is that at some point she will have assembled enough evidence, circumstantial or other wise, which will lead to a confrontation which you will not be able to win. Which is exactly what you do not want because if things get to the confrontation stage, your escort visits are the least of your worries.
An ounce of prevention
If you are in a relationship but want to visit escorts, you need to have a plan long before you pay your first visit.
The first essential is to develop a routine which has fixed, specific, gaps in it where you are both not at home and off your cell. Something which is innocent and, ideally, solitary, and most importantly, true.
An almost perfect routine is a twice a week swim. Actually going and swimming lengths for an hour and a half twice a week means that you have eight opportunities to visit an escort every month. It explains why you will look freshly showered coming home from an escort visit and it means you are off your cell for a minimum of two to two and half hours. If you visit escorts twice a month it will also have the benefit of sending your fitness level through the roof. Going for a long run and then to the gym will work as well.
The key thing is to establish the pattern so that your wife fully expects you to be at the pool or the gym a couple of nights a week. Your escort visits don’t raise suspicion because you are expected to be absent.
Once you have a pattern established make sure you don’t get caught by your bank statements or credit card bills. Always pay your escort in cash. She’ll be happy to avoid the hassle of credit cards and cash itself is untraceable. However, if you withdraw exactly the same sum twice a month from a bank account your wife has access to, that will raise red flags. Much better to withdraw smaller, odd amounts on an irregular basis.
A good story and clever cash management does not, however, put you in the clear unless you exercise really precise communications discipline. Your smart phone and computer are your worst enemies if you would like a discreet rendezvous with the escort of your choice.
A browser history filled with escort agency websites, Backpages ads and independent escort sites is pretty much impossible to explain. So are emails or texts to
Your smart phone records the details on every call you make and receive as well as keeping a browser history of its own. (And with the right software, it will beam its location to anyone who happens to be curious.)
Good communications discipline also runs up against the escort’s very real need to know details about her clients. Most escorts will not accept texts or calls from blocked numbers and they will want to verify your identity.
Some men will use their corporate phone and computers to find escorts and make the necessary arrangements. Depending on your company’s policies and the curiosity of the IT department this is an excellent way to get fired. While arranging a friendly golf game on corporate IT resources is almost always seen as fair ball, setting up an escort encounter on company equipment is, itself, a firing offence and if someone is looking for a reason, this provides ample just cause. Don’t do it.
A few bits of intelligence will let you use your regular devices to find and book escorts
- Most modern browsers – Chrome, Firefox, Safari – have a stealth mode. Use it. Essentially these stealth modes turn off browsing history and page cache in the browser. It is not perfect but it means your escort browsing will not leap off the computer.
- Get a second SIM card for your smart phone. The fact is that having a second smart phone is going to look very suspicious – indeed it is a “tell” that a girl works as an escort – but a second SIM card it tiny, can be locked and effectively gives your phone a whole new identity.
If you only use your second SIM card for your escort booking activities it provides you with a safe number for return calls, a place to store your favorite escort’s details.
- On your smart phone, with your second SIM, set up a secondary gmail account. This should be close to your own name and, if that name is taken, try your.name.private which is usually available. This account should be reserved exclusively for escort activities. With the gmail account you will get email and Google’s SMS/messaging application which allows you to text.
- Beware of syncing. Occasionally, you will set up your second SIM card and requisite Google accounts and, because Google is vast and clever, find that the pictures you take on your phone with the escort SIM card in place, find their way to your regular Google backup gallery. Or in the phone’s gallery. This can be more than a little incriminating depending on your escort’s willingness to engage in a bit of amateur photography. Before using the pieces of your incognito set up it is a good idea to ensure that all of the sync options are turned OFF. And even then, take a few pictures of flowers and see where they end up. Unless you are sure they are not going to your normal accounts it may be best to suppress your inner shutterbug.
Basic cyber-security is only as good as the person using it. Going to the trouble of setting up a private phone and computer system is useless if, even once in a while you forget to go into stealth mode on your computer or call an escort using your regular SIM card.
However, even if you are meticulous about covering your cyber tracks the fact is that people are caught up all the time by little things. The classic example being a scrap of paper with your favorite escort’s name and number on it that you, by mistake, leave in your pant’s pocket. If your wife does the laundry, you’ll have some explaining to do. Similar mistakes include an escort’s card, an unused condom when your wife is on birth control or a Viagra tablet which went unused. Any one of these items leaves you busted.
A basic precaution is not to write things like escort’s numbers or addresses on loose pieces of paper. Using the contacts feature of the second SIM card is much more secure. But even that might be compromised in some circumstances and here a little bit of subterfuge can save a lot of difficulty.
Entering escort numbers, names and addresses with a simple transformation code is an easy way to create a second level of security. Nothing terribly complicated: Initials and made up last names for names and an add 1 to what is known as the three number prefix ie. 263 becomes 374. It is a very simple thing and it is not going to beat the NSA, but it will keep your escort numbers private in the unlikely event that your wife or girlfriend starts playing with your phone.
If you take the precautions outlined above you will have to be pretty unlucky to get caught using escorts. But any good plan has a Plan “B” and your escorting antics may, despite your best efforts, be discovered.
When a man is confronted by his wife or girlfriend with his infidelity with escorts, he faces a number of options none of which are terrifically attractive. They range from the lie direct, “What are you talking about? I have never been unfaithful to you in my life,” right on through to full confession.
Obviously the choice of whether to lie outright to your spouse or significant other is one not to be approached lightly. If a man lies about his escort activities and his wife has hard evidence which contradicts his lie, he is pretty much doomed. On the other hand, a full confession in the face of soft evidence or mere suspicion of escort activity ensures that a man is convicted with his own words.
Matrimonially, there is no 5th Amendment. You have no right to silence and, in most relationships, silence is an admission of guilt. So any serious Plan “B” needs to work towards determining how much evidence your wife has of your escort escapades.
One factor in any successful Plan “B” is the knowledge that your wife knows you very well. If you have a track record of evasion and lying, she will assume that you are deceiving her about the escorts. On the other hand, if you “never lie,” that track record is going to improve your chances.
A second, equally important factor, is the very real possibility that your wife or girlfriend is not disclosing all the evidence she actually has. So, when you say, “What are you talking about, of course I’ve never visited an escort. Why would you think I had?” don’t be surprised when she pulls your secret email account with dates and places and amounts.
A third factor is what you think your wife wants to believe. If you are in the midst of a rough patch in your marriage, the chances are your wife is ready to think the worst of you vis a vis escorts, beers with the guys and your abject failure to fix the sink. On the other hand, if all is going swimmingly, your wife may very well want to dismiss her suspicions that you may have been seeing an escort. It could well be that the last thing your wife wants to hear is that she’s right and you have been doing escort dates four times a month.
There is very little you can do about your wife’s present attitude, but there is a great deal you can do to establish a track record and get complete disclosure of the evidence. The track record is nothing more than good manners. A long streak of honesty is not only useful when potentially caught in the escort jam, it is also, indirectly, a good way to keep the marriage on a happy, even keel.
Getting all the evidence requires more than a little finesse. In some ways it depends on your significant other’s line of attack. The simple question, “Are you seeing escorts?” can easily be parried with, “Why would you think that?” which, in its turn is likely to bring the basis of your wife’s suspicions to the surface. They can range from your having forgotten to go stealth as you looked at escort ads, all the way to photos Miss LaBomBom at the No Tell Motel. Better to know what you are up against.
A more confrontational approach – your wife flat out says she knows you’ve been seeing escorts -can be dealt with in much the same way, “What do you mean?” may sound a bit disingenuous but it gets the conversation rolling and the evidence on the table.
If the evidence of your escort activities is circumstantial, if there is no smoking gun, a partial admission, “Yes I was looking at escort sites, but I never visited an escort.” may work. But make sure you know exactly how much evidence your wife has.
Ultimately your wife may very well have hard evidence that you have been seeing escorts. It is not unreasonable to think you are pretty much hooped when confronted with that but it may not be too late.
So far, if you have been smart, you have not denied seeing escorts. You have avoided the lie direct and the insult which it inflicts. If the evidence is solid your options narrow to confession and a plea for forgiveness, or admission with an explanation. Neither are ideal outcomes.
Both confession and admission need to be as narrow as you can make them: one transgression with an escort is much easier to forgive than a series of escort encounters or a regular visit to a single girl. Again, find out how much your wife actually knows before saying much of anything.
A straight (if narrow) confession of a single lapse combined with a promise never to see an escort again may, if your wife is in a forgiving frame of mind, get you off the hook. It will mean you’ll be watched like a hawk for months, if not years, and that your escort visits will be on hiatus for quite a while; but a single lapse is likely forgivable.
An admission with an explanation and a plan going forward is a much riskier strategy but may be the only course open if your wife has hard evidence of multiple escort encounters. Again, try to keep the admission of seeing escorts as narrow as possible but have an explanation which, while it leaves you looking awful, reassures your wife that your escort activity does not imperil her marriage.
A good strategy is to admit that you have a particular fetish/activity which you find compelling but which you just never thought you could bring yourself to ask your wife to participate in. It does not have to be nasty, just sufficiently embarrassing that your wife will understand how you could not have asked her to fulfill your needs. It is a great deal easier for a wife to forgive your escort encounters if she can see they were the only way you could balance your cravings with your respect for her. It may not be entirely true, but it is plausible and that is all that is needed.
Good planning, a well established routine, careful cash management and attention to communication discipline should allow you to keep your escort encounters well below your wife’s radar. Having a solid Plan “B” in case of detection will minimize the damage to your marriage or relationship in the event you are caught.
Having escort encounters creates a risk of detection but minimizing that risk is nothing more than the good manners a gentleman always displays towards his wife.
How not to get caught with an escort: Take two
On the other side of the coin, if all this subterfuge seems more Maxwell Smart than you care to be, and according to your ethical code deception does not denote respect, then you first should examine why you are seeing an escort in the first place, and secondly, realize that you would be more credible and honourable to stand by your decisions and actions and take the heat and the consequences if and when the occur.
That means using your cell phone and computer without techno wizardry to conceal—yep, her name and phone number comes up in the memory—and on the history of your computer. The cover-up is no longer a tangled web of deception that takes on shadows darker than the “crime” itself. Seeing an escort, while not welcome news to wife or girlfriend, is actually not as bad as being a weasel about it.