Escort jokes and how to tell them

Laughter from a good joke bonds two people together in an immediate, innocent way. Even when the joke is what some people might consider racy, the taboo urge to chuckle brings to light the similarities between two persons and influences their relationship positively from there on. Escorts know that there are many ways to connect with clients during an encounter. But few work better than humor.

However, not everyone can pull off being funny. Sometimes it takes some practice and good tips in order to perfect your joke-telling skills. And, when you’re relying on your joke to ease the tension between you and a nervous first-time client, you can’t afford for the laugh to fall flat. Consider these tips when you prepare to share a joke with your client:

  1. Know the joke. Some people start to tell a joke, only to have to start it again because they forgot an important element in it somewhere along the way. That’s annoying and confusing. If you’re going to tell a joke, make sure you know how it goes ahead of time and don’t get the punch line jumbled up. If you’re doubtful that you remember the entire joke (or, at least, the significant details), abandon the effort altogether.
  2. Keep your joke short. A joke should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the material, but short enough to keep things interesting. If you attempt to draw the joke out (partially because you don’t know what else to talk about with your client), you will fail miserably at your attempt to ease the tension between the two of you. Escorts who tell jokes to their clients know that they must be brief when they tell a joke. One that goes on and on and becomes complicated is too much work for the listener. Make it easy on your client and keep your joke simple, short and sexy.
  3. Include details that embellish the joke. Use your imagination to add interest to the joke by describing scenes or people more fully. For instance, if the joke includes an old man, use descriptors that tell something real about him – bald, wrinkled, with a cane, stooped over. There are many ways you can describe a person, place or thing that can draw in your client as you tell him a joke. However, be weary of ad libbing too many details into the storyline of a joke. Your presentation can become so bogged down with tidbits that the punch line gets lost in the mess. Or, your client may lose interest in the joke before you can get to the end. Find a balance when you begin adding in your own details.
  4. Characterize as you tell the joke. Using your voice, gestures and body language will make a joke much more entertaining. Vocalize different characters by ranging your pitch, pace of speech or accent. Take on a stance that simulates one of the characters. Facial expressions can add priceless value to your joke. And, don’t forget to use your hands to tell the story as you go along. Bringing your whole body into the telling of the joke makes your story more of an event, rather than a simple funny anecdote. Using these elements can build excitement for your client, causing him to be completely entertained by your presentation.
  5. Timing is everything. When you’re telling a joke, nothing is more true than that your timing will make it or break it. A pause at just the right time, speeding up your pace or using a different cadence in your speech will set the mood or add suspense to your story. Often, it’s necessary to pause slightly as you prepare to give the punch line, to ensure your client is ready for it. However, overly dramatic pauses can backfire. They can draw your joke out so that it’s not enjoyable to listen to and make your story seem awkward. Practice your pauses and rate of delivery in order to deliver your joke so that the positive elements are emphasized.
  6. Consider your client’s taste before you launch into a raunchy joke or questionable punch line. Most of an escort’s clients will be up for an R- or X-rated joke, because men usually like locker room humor. However, before telling a vulgar joke, keep in mind that even though your client might like it, he may not prefer to hear such a joke coming from you. If you can, avoid using extraneous swearing or providing too many graphic details in order to retain your ladylike status. (If you’re a “one-of-the-boys” types, this may not be a concern.) If you suspect that your client is more straight-laced, avoid any jokes that might be questionable. Of course, steer clear from racist jokes or those involving politics (unless you are very clear about your client’s beliefs).
  7. Practice. Before telling your joke during an encounter, it’s always a wise idea to rehearse it a time or two. Practice by recording yourself telling the joke and view the video. Critique yourself harshly in order to weed out gestures or wording that are unnecessary or distracting. And, while recording yourself is a great way to practice, it’s also wise to try the joke out on others. When you’re out with friends or around other escorts, share the joke with them and see if you get a laugh. If the joke falls short of the effect you desired, the problem is one of two things (and, maybe both): your delivery was bad or the joke wasn’t funny. If you didn’t get the response you expected, tell the joke to others to see how they respond. Ask opinions and take input from their reactions.
  8. Don’t be afraid to laugh. Even though many comedy experts tell that you should never laugh at your own joke, you should do whatever feels natural to you. Your client may get even more enjoyment from your reaction to the joke than he does to the punch line, itself. Laughter is contagious, and an escort’s genuine giggle will nearly always make her client smile.

Once you’ve figured out how to tell a joke, it’s imperative to know when to tell it. Escorts can use jokes in various aspects of their careers. Most utilize funny stories or anecdotes as icebreakers when they meet a new client. If small talk seems awkward or forced, a funny joke can lighten things up and open up the lines of communication for a booking.

Jokes shouldn’t be limited to being used only in person during an encounter. Escorts who have a strong sense of humor should feel free to include jokes in their profiles as a way to demonstrate aspects of their personalities. It is a great way to attract clients who, also, enjoy a good laugh. Seeing a funny joke in your marketing information automatically tells a client you are probably a lot of fun to be around.

Jokes (shorter ones) can be used during phone or email communications with clients, too. Sharing a joke is a great way to ease into conversations about topics that are sometimes difficult for clients. (They often have trouble booking encounters due to guilt or other emotions. When a joke is involved, they temporarily forget what they’re worried about and simply move forward.)

Once you’ve decided that being funny with your clients is something you aspire to, it’s important to have a few good escort-related jokes on hand. The following jokes are clean in nature, but should evoke a laugh or, at the least, a snicker or smile from your client. Some of them are oldies, but goodies, so your client may have heard them before. But, that’s okay. A good joke is funny regardless of how many times you’ve heard it. Consider using these jokes with your clients:

Scholarly escort classification

Four learned professors were engaged one evening in a casual, but intellectual, conversation, and the topic turned to collective nouns. “A pride of lions,” “a gaggle of geese” and others are called venereal nouns, explained one of the educators to the others. For fun, they opined about what a collection of escorts might be called. The four fell into silence for a moment as they pondered the possibilities.

At last, one spoke: “How about a “jam of tarts?”” The others nodded in consideration, while they continued to think on the topic. Another suggested, “an essay of trollops.” A third proposed “a flourish of strumpets.” And, finally the fourth gentleman, who was the most senior and educated among them all, offered his thoughts after several moments.

“An anthology of pros.”

That’s what you get

One evening, a man who worked late decided to consult with an escort about booking an encounter. His wife wouldn’t expect him home for some time, so he felt like he could afford a dalliance. When he met up with her at a local restaurant and inquired about her rate, she told him she charged $100 for an hour. “A hundred dollars? Don’t be ridiculous; I’ll give you forty bucks!” the man said.

The escort laughed at the man and stalked off.

The next weekend, the man took his wife out to dinner at the same restaurant he met the escort in. As they walked out, he spied the escort from the other evening. He looked straight ahead, hoping she wouldn’t recognize him. Instead, though, as they passed by, the escort calmly laughed and said, “See what you get for forty bucks?”


Joe and Harry met up at a bar for some drinks, and the conversation turned to Joe’s wife’s dislike of porn. He said, “I wish my wife would get off my back about me watching porn; she says if I truly loved her I wouldn’t need to watch it.”

Harry laughed and said, “My wife used to tell me the same thing. But, I pointed out to her that I love my car, but I still like to watch NASCAR racing.”

“And that worked?” asked Joe.

“So far,” commented Harry. “But, it’s a good thing she hasn’t thought about the fact that I rent cars when I’m out of town for business trips!”

An inside track on an outside line

A man stayed at a hotel in Vegas and decided to call one of the large number of Las Vegas escorts who advertised there. Back in his hotel room, he rang the number and a woman with a very sexy voice answered, asking how she could help him.

Afraid he would lose his nerve, he quickly launched into what he wanted to do: “I’d like to know if you do bondage and discipline. I’m really interested in getting a hard spanking. Would that be something you would be able to provide?”

The woman hesitated and said, “I’d certainly like to oblige you, sir, but if you press 9 first you’ll get an outside line and have better luck with your request.”

A proper screwing

A man went in search of some companionship and found a building featuring a red light and a door with the sign, “Grandma’s Pleasures.” He went in and was greeted by a very sweet, respectable elderly lady. Unsure, he embarrassedly asked, “How much for some companionship? I’m pretty lonely tonight.”

The elderly woman kindly smiled and replied, “Fifty dollars, please.”

The man was relieved at the reasonable price and handed over the fee, happily. The woman pointed down the hall and said, “Just go through that pink door at the end.”

Eagerly, the man advanced down the hallway and quickly stepped through the door, which abruptly closed behind him. He found himself standing in a dark alley.

Puzzled, he looked around and tried to reopen the door, only to find it was firmly locked. On the door, he saw a sign that read, “Congratulations! You’ve just been screwed!”

Paranoid politician

A well-known politician hired a beautiful escort he found online. Immediately after she arrives, the politician forbids her to tell any of her other clients about seeing him for an encounter. Of course, she assures him his privacy is ensured. After a bit of small talk, the politician hastily tells her that she should never speak to the press about their meeting. Per the norm, the escort guarantees discretion.

As they are getting undressed, the politician stops to tell the escort that she is prohibited from mentioning their rendezvous to officials of the other political party, since it would kill his reelection chances. She promises that the booking is confidential.

Again, though, the client can’t let it go and makes her promise to never tell anyone about their session. As they are becoming intimate, he insists on reeling off a long list of other people she must never tell the truth to about their encounter.

As she is preparing to leave, she informs the client that he owes her $300. He says, “What? I already paid you $150 for your services.”

“Yes,” the escort said, in true political fashion. “But I never anticipated you were going to have such a long list of people I must remember to never tell! The $300 is the filing and storage fee for the list.”