Becoming increasingly popular over the past several years, the GFE is the most frequently requested escort service. According to Kristen Davis, the Manhattan Madam who worked with high-profile clients including Eliot Spitzer and other politician types, the GFE “usually means that [the clients] want kissing and unprotected oral.” Davis went on to tell British GQ in 2009 that, “It’s code for paying for things a girlfriend would do with her boyfriend, such as foreplay, non-rushed sex and cuddling.”
Most escorts offer the service and agree it’s what most of their clients expect. However, despite high client demand for it, some escorts are electing to omit GFE from their activities lists. And surprisingly, clients aren’t putting up a fuss. Independent escorts have the privilege of opting in or out of traditional provisions; many feel they benefit from avoiding the GFE altogether. Consider the top 11 reasons to avoid giving the GFE:
- Too many clients push boundaries during the GFE. Clients take the fantasy of having a relationship with their escort too far, and they believe that they can convince her to do things she might not do otherwise, simply because she “cares” about them. Men often entice their “real” girlfriends to engage in other behaviors, such as anal intercourse or unprotected oral sex, by promising to buy them gifts or take them somewhere special. Because clients buy into the illusion of a relationship, they try to take advantage of it in order to get something else they want. Escorts are left in difficult situations, caught between wanting to make their clients happy and staying true to their own personal limitations. As a result, the quality of the GFE is jeopardized, because the experience comes down to unfair requests and an escort’s reluctance to comply. Some escorts wish to avoid the issue by simply refusing the traditional GFE.
- Clients are conditioned to expect bareback services. Clients who fully buy into the GFE compare it to relations they would actually have with their girlfriends. Most of them wouldn’t engage in a relationship with a partner where they had to wear a condom during oral sex or penetrative intercourse. And because the GFE is supposed to simulate a “true” relationship, clients expect escorts to allow them to proceed with intimacies without protection. Agencies across the U.S. report that many clients think that condoms are not used during the GFE. For escorts with strict rules about using condoms for all intimate acts, this poses a significant dilemma. They are faced with sacrificing their personal rules or losing clients who are unwilling to bend their own expectations. As a result, they omit the GFE from their services.
- Communications become extremely casual or occur too frequently. After a client has a GFE, he feels a real connection to an escort. (At least, that’s the way it’s supposed to happen if the escort is good at what she does.) Sometimes, though, the client doesn’t understand that his connection with her does not extend to interactions outside of the encounter. He may call his escort to just say “hello,” share a funny text, email her about his day and attempt to set up dates not associated with booked encounters. Communicating with an escort is acceptable to schedule encounters, but not for social purposes, which is a risk associated with the GFE. After complimenting and showing tender affection to a client, it becomes expected that an escort’s appreciation for him will continue at all times. Complaints when an escort doesn’t return a call or dissatisfaction over her vague responses may cause problems, which can be easily avoided through electing to not offer the GFE.
- Clients start acting like a boyfriend when an escort is not on the clock. Through casual conversation during an encounter, an escort may mention something simple like her car is in the shop or she’s getting ready to move. An overly zealous client may offer to help repair her car or assist her moving efforts. He may ask too many personal questions, which he feels he’s entitled to since they have such a “connection.” He may become jealous of other clients or defensive for you if he learns that someone isn’t treating you right. He may offer unsolicited advice, want to pick out your clothes or do other controlling some boyfriends might do. No escort needs a client who crosses this line and imagines that he has a right to engage in her life outside of an encounter. The GFE often encourages clients who have tendencies to become overly involved to wrongfully assume more significant roles in an escort’s life.
- Kissing a client is no fun. The old cliché was that escorts and prostitutes would do anything, besides kiss a client. Today this is untrue, for the most part. Escorts engage in lip locks with their clients all the time. But this doesn’t necessarily mean they enjoy it. Some escorts think that kissing a client is the worst part of an encounter. Clients all have different kissing styles, which may not sync with an escort’s personal preferences. Escorts say they’ve been slobbered on, felt like a client was going to eat their face, had their lips sucked on and thought they were going to choke on a client’s tongue. Many clients have terrible oral hygiene (bad breath or scary teeth), which makes it even more unpleasant to share a passionate smooch. Escorts sometimes reserve deep French kissing for their personal relationships, and they prefer to avoid it with clients. They indicate that it’s a personal act, being face-to-face in a much tighter personal space than other intimacies. GFE always involves kissing, which is one reason some escorts avoid it.
- Pretending that you’re smitten with your client is required for the standard GFE. Laughing at his terrible jokes, gazing into his eyes and complimenting his seduction skills are all necessities of a quality GFE. Acting like you’re in love with your client is an entirely different acting job than just being nice and courteous to him. Many escorts say that it feels too fake, making them feel even more superficial than they consider themselves being during regular encounters. An escorting career naturally requires a woman to extend beyond her traditional comfort zone to compliment and boost her clients’ egos. But the GFE requires her to practically worship her client: body, mind and soul. A lot of escorts indicate that with all of the other stresses of the job, it’s simply too much to ask of themselves.
- Escorts don’t allow their emotions to be for sale. A GFE, by its intention, includes a connection between an escort and her client that is beyond physical. They become intimate through conversation, foreplay, seductive touch and pampering that goes beyond standard sexual intercourse. Clients expect to not only purchase an escort’s time, but the rights to her body and her emotions. Escorts who pride themselves on their independence and personal worth become easily offended when a client thinks he can buy her love and admiration with a meager fee. When looking at it from this perspective, escorts despise the fact that men feel entitled to all aspects of them, simply because of money. Physical intimacy is one thing to provide during an encounter, but escorts are much more protective of their emotions.
- The GFE is a matter of semantics. Before the term GFE became so popular (and overused), high-end escorts practiced this type of encounter regularly. When a client pays an escort for her time, he is not purchasing sex. He is acquiring the right to spend time with an escort to engage in conversation, seduction, companionship and mutual respect. Through getting to know one another, affection and appreciation are easily earned and exchanged. Escorts have been practicing the GFE for years, without attributing a title to it. Their services are personalized, geared to make their clients feel good about themselves and provide a fantasy that can’t be found elsewhere. Escorts whose regular encounters feature affection and intimacy found in girlfriend relationships often balk at the use of the GFE abbreviation. They find the term gimmicky and trite, which downplays the difference between services offered by a high-end escort and those provided by prostitutes.
- Emotional attachments are too easily established during GFEs. Some escorts are in love with being in love. They’ve been in too many bad relationships to count, and they easily fall for a man who is kind and caring. For them, engaging in GFEs with clients is just an invitation for heartbreak. They know the boundaries involved in the escort/client relationship and have no trouble adhering to those during traditional encounters. However, when you’re playing with a fantasy, it’s very easy to buy into the experience and think the romance is real. Escorts who know they are easily seduced avoid encounters where they will become emotionally invested.
- Drama is too prevalent with the GFE. Escorts have tremendous amounts of drama in their lives: telling lies to keep their careers secret from friends and family members, concealing their true identities from clients, fighting the stigma of being an escort and attempting to lead otherwise normal lives. When escorts engage in the GFE, clients unload their drama and baggage, too. Sharing details about a nagging wife, a demanding family and a boring job are common complaints of clients. With enough on her plate already, an escort really doesn’t want to sympathize with someone else’s burdens, despite how genuine they may or may not be. Staying away from the GFE reduces the degree of griping an escort hears from her clients.
- Law enforcement uses the term to target escorts for investigation. Detectives and vice squad members are keeping up with the escort industry slang and use it to refine how they seek out escorts to keep their eyes on. The term “GFE” is one they use to search for potential escorts they will attempt to charge with prostitution crimes. Online prostitution is a significant market, and law enforcement officials are determined to track down law breakers. Escorts who use the term are not automatically targeted for investigation, but they could be flagged in an online search. Escorts who avoid using this abbreviation or other traditional slang terms, such as PSE or Greek, may attract less attention from investigators looking for online prostitutes. Find alternative ways to describe the personalized, sensual treatment clients get during time with you.
Many escorts continue to successfully utilize the GFE phrase. It’s an industry standard that nearly all clients understand. But an independent escort should never be afraid to step away from tradition in the interests of what serves her and her career best.