Unfortunately, every escort runs the risk of booking an encounter that turns violent, threatening or unbearably unpleasant. For many, the threat of a traumatic incident occurring at the hands of a dangerous client is just as terrifying as an actual situation where violence or an assault happens. If you’ve been the victim of a violent, threatening or harmful client, it may be difficult to show up for that next booking. Fear is a controlling emotion that may limit your judgment, social nature and ability to work as an escort.
If you are serious about returning to your escorting career after a serious situation leaves you fearing for your safety, you must consider the following points:
- Admitting your fears is the best way to address them head-on. Victims of violent crimes and/or escorts who have found themselves in threatening environments experience a variety of emotions once the incident is over. From just being numb and shocked to feeling guilt, a myriad of emotions may flood at once as a result of the situation and the realization of how serious it might have been. Many escorts feel extreme distrust and anger after they’ve been victimized by a client. The sensation of losing control is also a very damaging one that creates a stream of other feelings. Because there are so many emotions associated with becoming so vulnerable in a bad situation, it’s essential to take the time to deal with them. All in all, after you’ve admitted your feelings and addressed them directly, odds are that they boil down to feeling scared and frightened of a similar experience in the future. Escorts who can’t admit they are scared of something happening to them aren’t fully facing their circumstances and aren’t mentally prepared to go back to work.
- Focus on your good experiences with clients. The majority of escorts have a series of good encounters with perfectly nice clients before they run into a scary or imposing one. It’s natural to allow an impactful situation to shape how you feel or think about the future. However, what’s more realistic is to realize that it was not the “norm” for your escorting career. Recount the safe experiences you had with clients, including extra special ones where you and a client really connected or he made you feel exceptionally beautiful or desired. Perhaps, it’s even helpful to review the steps you take to ensure that the encounter will be a safe one. Your screening methods, visiting with the client over the phone and doing online research about him are effective ways that you help diminish the risk of dangerous visits. Once you take time to review many of your positive experiences and procedures of ensuring your own safety, it may be much easier to go back out on that first outcall, knowing that only rare encounters end so badly.
- Review the tip-offs of a threatening client. As you think about the bad situation you were put in with a client, also consider the red flags that you may or may not have noticed about him or her. Clients who dodge or refuse to answer questions may be trying to hide something. Those whose information doesn’t match up at all when you attempt to screen them are not safe to see. Any client with negative references or reviews could be a threat. Clients with violent criminal records should be automatically blocked from your potential lists. Encounters with more than one client should be carefully screened ahead of time; two clients can be twice as dangerous as a single one. Any client who is drunk or high when you arrive is a potential danger. Additionally, clients with mental health issues that cause them to be violent (PTSD, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, for example). As you remember your bad experience, you may discover a warning sign that you ignored or didn’t catch on to initially. Paying attention to these signals are essential to your safety in the future.
- Add a security partner to your escorting routine. Even though it may cut into your income if you hire a security guard, the peace of mind you gain from it may be worth it, especially if you’re a bit hesitant about getting back to work. A security guard will accompany you to encounters, paying special attention to any signs you throw off that you’re in need of assistance. The guard will ensure that you arrive to and leave the encounter on time and safely. Sometimes, just the knowledge that you have someone with you may deter a client from pushing boundaries or attempting anything less than honorable with you. If you don’t feel that you can afford a security guard, line up a friend or fellow escort to be your safety partner. As you arrive at an outcall, you would arrange to call your partner and check in, verifying that you’re there and things are safe. Ahead of time, you would provide contact information and the location you’re headed, so someone knows where you are and who you’re with. If you don’t call at the end of the encounter or show up where you’re supposed to be, your security partner will know to call the police and where to send them to look for you. While this doesn’t ensure that a client won’t beat or assault you, it does provide a degree more of safety than venturing out to encounters without anyone knowing your whereabouts.
- Schedule yourself lightly as you return to work. Not knowing how you will handle intimate situations with clients when you venture back to the escort world, it’s best to keep your bookings to a minimum. Not only does it allow you to gradually ease back into working, but it doesn’t create any other undue pressure on you to meet a demanding timeline. A slower routine gives you more time to deal with your emotions and fears between encounters, providing you with the chance to tame any anxiety or unease you are feeling. Extra stress from being too busy as you attempt to continue working will only add to your emotional issues. Keeping yourself under-booked is the best way to slide back into working, while allowing yourself to heal.
- Book encounters only with regular clients you know aren’t threats to your safety. Anxiety about new clients is entirely natural when you’re an escort, especially if you’ve been through a traumatic experience with a dangerous one. Make it your practice, especially as you attempt to start escorting again, to only meet up with clients you’ve had positive encounters with. Schedule bookings with clients who may not be your favorites, but they don’t pose any threat to you or your safety. Choose clients who you trust and seem completely harmless. (However, don’t be fooled; any client can be dangerous in the right setting and situation.) Establishing your safety among clients you trust is the best way to reassure yourself that your career isn’t always risky and that there are clients who are trustworthy. If you repeat a dangerous situation soon after the previous one, your escorting career may be over for you due to the fear it will instill.
- Conduct extensive screening to ensure your safety. Explain to clients that you’ve been the victim of violence recently, and they will understand why you are being so disciplined about ensuring their identity and history. It might even be time to implement new screening policies if yours were somewhat lax or insufficient. While it may take you more time and require longer to secure a booking, the reassurance you receive from your diligence to screen thoroughly will be worth it. In the beginning, you may not have been fully aware of how dangerous clients could be. But, after a bad situation, you should be cognizant of the fact that it’s imperative to fully screen each and every client before entrusting your safety to him.
- Avoid overall distrust for people and clients. It’s easy to lump all clients together and believe that their ill intentions are set out to harm you. However, this isn’t accurate nor fair. Many clients have nothing but the best inclinations when it comes to their escorts during an encounter. When you’ve been fooled by a client and it resulted in serious ramifications, though, it’s difficult to differentiate between a good-intentioned charmer and a bad-intentioned scoundrel. Instead of immediately distrusting everyone, you have to allow the warning signs and your screening methods reveal which type they are. When you automatically assume the worse of a client, your fears are causing you to take things too far. If you find that you are isolating yourself and canceling encounters regularly, your fear issues are getting the best of you.
- Avoid situations that may remind you of your traumatic experience. Don’t book encounters that will occur at the same hotel where you were attacked by a client. Try to work around the time of day that your bad incident happened. For example, if you were assaulted during a late-night encounter, only book mid-day ones for awhile. Or, conversely, if your threatening experience occurred in the morning, don’t work until later in the day or evening. Change things up in your escort encounter routine to avoid déjà vu or flashbacks. Get rid of the clothing and lingerie you wore to the frightening encounter. Change your incall location, if your attack happened there. Do what you can to avoid recreating an incident that will remind you of your bad one. Anything that will lead you to relive your trauma will negate any good experiences you have escorting.
- Don’t take offense to innocent remarks by clients. Even though some clients think they are funny when they say, “You’re so beautiful, I’d like to just keep you for myself,” they don’t realize how threatening that can be to an escort who was harassed or held against her will by an overly possessive client. Escorts who were stalked or threatened by a client may easily put too much stock into an off-handed client comment, being scared for their safety as a result. You have to realize that most clients won’t know about the trauma you’ve been through recently. Their comments wouldn’t have bothered you prior to your experience, but your recent scare makes you much more sensitive to things. Try to give your client the benefit of the doubt and allow him/her to throw out jokes or casual comments without skittering away scared. However, if other tip-offs about them being a potential threat exist, don’t be afraid to leave as soon as possible.
- Making excuses for clients could get you into trouble. Many escorts are afraid that they will become too judgmental and distrustful, so they go the opposite way, instead. While they should be paying attention to a client’s lies and crazy actions, they make excuses trying to justify their behaviors. Of course, it’s common for clients to make mistakes, get angry or confuse your directions. But, when clients do it repeatedly, it ceases to be a common error and becomes intentional. Find balance between immediately accusing your clients of wrongdoing and exonerating them of everything.
- Keep your personal life private. Many escorts fail to take proper precautions to ensure their privacy when they visit clients. Avoid carrying identification that will allow your client to find you later. Prevent situations where your client can find you through your children’s school or other activities by simply not talking about them or carrying pictures of them. Avoid talking about your personal history, such as your college or high school locations or previous residences. Providing yourself with the security that clients can’t find you in your personal life will make you much more confident and capable of continuing your career as an escort. However, if you fail to take precautions to prevent outside contact with clients, you may always be looking over your shoulder wondering if one is trying to find you.
- Seek counseling or other support if you need it. Working as an escort is often a very isolated career choice, especially if you are unable to share it with friends and family members. But, remember there are others out there who will provide insight and support without judgment. If you don’t have friends or family members to turn to after a traumatizing experience, visit with a professional counselor or find a local support group for victims of violence. You don’t have to deal with your issues alone. Discussing your fears and thoughts with others can be extremely helpful as you attempt to work through your problems resulting from your experience. Other escorts may have been through similar situations and reaching out to one of them may be very enlightening. Gaining someone to talk to about it will be empowering. Even if you don’t feel that you “need” it, getting support or professional insight may give you the strength to rise above whatever happened to you so you can move past it, becoming a stronger individual as a result.