Ever have a day when you just want to burrow under the covers and stay in bed? Or go to the beach? Or take yourself and a good book for lunch and a bit of shopping?
If you are human and awake you have those days. We all do. Tired or grumpy or headachy or just generally lacking in zip: it is part of the human condition. The problem is that the rest of the world carries on even when you don’t.
by Hannah Jay
While escorting can be terrifically lucrative and often great good fun, it can also be stressful, nerve wracking and more than a little boring. While you may be your clients’ fantasy, your clients are seldom yours. However, your clients are paying, ideally top dollar, for a girl who sparkles with enthusiasm. Who is filled with joie d’vie.
So what is a girl to do on the down days? Especially if she is the sort of escort who is booked a day or a week ahead. There is no sure fire cure for the “blahs” but there is lots you can do to get through a down patch and come out the other side more upbeat, motivated and ready to be your best.
Like many things, driving through the down days involves a set of different skills, habits and attitudes; not everything will work for every girl and often just one of two quick fixes will set you up for a successful escorting day even if you are down.
As your granny told you, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Low energy, down days, can happen for mainly physical reasons. The five big culprits? Alcohol, lack of sleep, an all junk food diet, lack of fresh air, no exercise. In other words, a lot of the things which can be part of the escorting lifestyle.
Improving your lifestyle will make a huge difference to your motivation and overall attitude. It’s tough to be sexy with a hangover and near impossible to “glow” when you have been inside for the last forty eight hours. On the other hand, it is pretty tough, once you get into a late night, “grab a slice of pizza and call it dinner” lifestyle, to change overnight. Worse, just as you decide to change up your daily life along will come a set of late night, lucrative dates and you are right back where you started.
Getting past the more toxic elements of the escort lifestyle is about a set of good habits replacing a set of bad ones… slowly. Baby steps at first. Something as simple as having a few good things to eat in your fridge — a bit of fruit, some eggs, some lettuce. You would be amazed at how inexpensive making your own, healthy breakfast and lunch can be. Having a couple of slices of toast with delicious, real, butter and a fresh orange with a cup of fresh ground coffee for breakfast sets up your day. Of course, having food in your fridge means going to the store. So, instead of driving, take a walk. Two birds with one stone: exercise and seeing the sun. If there and back to the store is less than half an hour, go crazy and forget the sunscreen. Vitamin D is free for the taking from the summer sun. And, as you make the Vitamin D you’ll get a little sun kiss. (And yes, it is silly to be out in the noonday sun without sunscreen so go early.)
Getting enough sleep is a struggle for everyone, not just ASPs; but it can be especially challenging if you are in the business. Clients will want to see you late. Which is fine to a point. But a good first step towards enough sleep is simply saying that your last date is at 10. Of course you’ll make exceptions for generous regulars, but a 10 o’clock closing time means you might well be alone in your bed by midnight.
Television, your computer and your smart phone are all the enemies of sleep. You can tell yourself they help you relax but your Netflix marathons say otherwise. The problem is that screens in general let you be pretty passive but don’t let you fall asleep. Whether it is chatting with friends on Facebook or checking out Tindr, you are going to keep going long past the point where your body would just as soon be asleep. A good rule is that after 10 in the evening, no matter what, you check your email and then turn the screens off. Want to relax? Flip through a magazine, read a book. Both are activities which engage a very different part of your brain. They are actually calming.
An evening ritual when you get undressed, put away your clothes, take off your makeup, perhaps have a nice hot bath, wash your face carefully and put on a comfy (but pretty) nightie and tuck in sets the stage for sleep. A warm, non-caffeinated (and tea has lots of caffeine thank you), cup of something, a comfy pillow and a bit more of your book and you’ll be ready to sleep in no time.
There will be nights where some or all of your evening rituals will be disrupted by clients. After all, if the money is there your book and bed can wait. Here the key is to try to arrange your life so that those nights are well apart. If there is a secret to a healthy escorting life it is the ability to actually say “no” to dates which are going to leave you exhausted. Not every time; but simply saying to a client that “tomorrow night would be better” is tremendously liberating. Of course you are going to balance the money against the exhaustion but a “short” late date can ruin your next day without you having all that much to show for it.
One girl I spoke to, Maddie, has a great rule for late dates: they have to be full tariff three hour dates or she won’t book them. “Less than three hours is just not worth it after about nine in the evening. Whether it is an incall or an outcall I find that I can sort out the sort of clients I want to see simply by quoting my full evening rate. If they are willing and able to pay it, well, I’ll miss my beauty sleep. Otherwise, a cup of chamomile tea and a good book are all a girl needs in the late evening.”
Morning made easy
Despite best intentions, mornings can be a challenge. Plus, how you are in the morning sets up the rest of your day. Start right and you elevate your mood, start wrong and the rest of your day can be painful. A few tips.
Wake up and pause. Lie in bed for a few minutes before you check the email and your phone messages. Just drift and breathe. Make sure you are completely awake and ready before you leave the comfort of your bed.
Water: start hydrating your body as the very first thing you do when you get out of bed. It’s easy and it gives you time to ease into your next moves.
Have a simple morning routine. Turn on some music – not the TV – make coffee or tea. Do the quick comb your hair and brush your teeth but don’t rush. At a minimum try to give yourself half an hour before your day begins where you know exactly what you are going to do.
Don’t rush your day. The first hour or so of your morning may be the only time you have for yourself during a busy day. Trying to cram a shower, getting dressed, doing email, checking your ads, updating your schedule and returning calls into that hour just leaves you stressed for the rest of the day. Instead, take your time and actually center yourself for the day ahead.
Taking ten minutes to do a few stretches or practice the yoga move you have trouble with will let your body come up to speed.
Finally, when you are ready, start your working day with things which you control. Just making a hair or nail appointment puts you in the driver’s seat. Taking care of a bill or two online means a couple less things to worry about. If you are a list maker, make a list of the things you want to do that day. If you start your day by taking charge you’ll find this sets the tone for the rest of your day.
Great client, grumpy mood
The blahs can strike at any moment of the day. You might wake up bright, cheerful and ready to take on tigers, but by two in the afternoon you’ve crashed. Worse, at 4:30 you have a standing date with one of your favorite regulars. What to do?
Tempting as it might be, unless you are actually physically sick, don’t cancel. (If you are physically sick you have to cancel. Most clients will understand. They don’t want your flu or cold any more than you do.) Cancelling a date because you are not all that up for it a couple of hours in advance is very unprofessional and it can get to be a very expensive habit. So don’t.
First thing to do is recognize that many people actually have a crash point right in the middle of the afternoon. Their blood sugar plummets and they just really, really want to curl up for an hour’s nap. Which, by the way, is not a bad option if you have a few hours before your date. Set an alarm, get undressed, turn off your phone and climb into bed for a real nap. Sometimes that is all you need to be ready to go an hour later.
While you may not have time for a nap, you certainly have time for a big glass of your favorite fruit juice and perhaps a bit of carrot cake or a muffin. Your body may be craving the little sugar hit and when you get it, within a few minutes, your mood will lighten and you’ll be back. Ideally you have a big jug of juice in that well stocked fridge, if not, walk time. And if it is a nice day there is nothing better than a quick walk in any case.
If you are close to a fun vintage consignment store or a great lingerie shop, you may have time to squeeze in a little retail therapy. I suggest consignment because, unlike regular retail, you have no idea what you are going to find and it is rare that you’ll stress about the price tag. Finding something cute, or sexy, or practical brightens up the day.
A great lingerie shop will tend to have a slightly huge sticker shock potential, but a little lace demi-bra, panty and garter belt set with some real seamed stockings has to be the ultimate luxurious business expense for an escort. Even if you don’t actually buy the set, you can have it fitted and put aside for that happy day when one of your more lingerie fixated clients is in a buying mood.
Simply getting out of the house can be a huge mood brightener. Even if you just walk down to the corner coffee shop you change your day up.
Routine and focus
If you can’t take a nap and the OJ and/or retail therapy has not done the trick, it may be time to fall back to the terrific power of routine to put you in the right frame of mind. Kelly, a 32 year old escort in Minneapolis has her date prep turned into a calming, centering, ritual.
“I am really very spoiled because I have a fairly low volume business. I cater to business men who are, generally, a bit older and pretty well off. They want my full attention and I have built my business by giving it to them. But that means that, no matter what, I have to be focused. Which was really hard when I first started. I was nervous and I was usually in a rush for some reason. Now that I have been escorting for a few years I am much more relaxed and I know just what I need to do for myself to get ready for a date.”
“I only do incalls from my rented condo. It’s a nice place. Very quiet. I have it set up so that clients really don’t even see my own bedroom, just the living room and the guest bed and bath. The public spaces.”
“I have a bit of a mental checklist I run through before seeing a client. It has evolved as I have been working. I start with making the place sparkle. I’m a good Midwestern Swedish girl and there is no way anyone is coming to my home if there is a smear on the mirror or the guest bed doesn’t have fresh, clean, ironed, sheets. My clients are often wealthy men and they expect nothing but the best. So, ideally two or three hours before a date, but in a pinch an hour, I throw on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and get on with housekeeping. I usually have a snack as well as lots of water while I am working.
I think that sense of order, of tidiness, of “clean” really sets a mood for a client. I want my clients’ experience to be first class right down to the really good roasted almonds and dark chocolate I put out in pretty white Rosenthal dishes. Believe me, they notice. But, more importantly, before I have my shower or better still, a bath, I know that my home looks wonderful, inviting and luxurious.
Running a vacuum across a rug seems like a small thing but it is part of my ritual and, no matter what my mood, it puts me in the frame of mind to meet my client.
When I have finished the housework I strip off my sweats and t-shirt and hit the shower. Much as I love a bath, a shower is quicker and more refreshing. And if I am seeing multiple clients it is a wonderful way of making the transition. I have my own bedroom really set up as a dressing room with my make-up table and one closet pretty much devoted to my work outfits. I always lay my outfit, right down to the stockings and lingerie, out on my bed so I can make sure everything is right. If something needs ironing I can do it in a second.
I like to have plenty of time to dress and put on a bit of make-up. I always have music in the background. Something upbeat, usually EDM. And yes, I do dance in the privacy of my own bedroom. On days where I am feeling a bit unmotivated, I really count on the process of dressing up for my client, picking just the right slip and matching a cute skirt to a clever top, to focus my attention. I have a few good pieces of jewelry which I save for last. A set of diamond studs really finishes the outfit and they scream luxury to my gentlemen callers.
There are a lot of steps to getting ready for my dates. I am a bit obsessive about doing each one and not rushing. In not so very long, even when I am feeling down or unsexy or just a bit fed up, the steps themselves take on a sense of familiar significance. I’m a professional, this is what I do and by taking care, I put myself into what I guess athletes call “the zone”. When I have finished all the steps and I look at myself in the mirror I see this wonderfully “finished”, very expensive looking woman ready to meet her client.
For me, escorting is very much a performance. I can only do it well when I am able to totally focus on my client. The cleaning, the dressing are all about taking away distractions. If I know my space looks perfect and I look great, then I stop worrying about those things and start paying close attention to my client’s satisfaction. Once I am in the zone my own mood is insignificant; I am there focused on pleasing the man who is paying me.”
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Like everybody else, adult service providers have their down days. With a few good habits, a bit of routine and a sense of control, like everybody else an escort can turn down days right around.