Virtual sex: Cheating or not?

The Internet has made every product and service available with just a few taps of your fingertips and a card. The world has become infinitely smaller due to our relationships and communications online. And the Internet has drastically changed the face of society’s moral code when it comes to sex, marriage and casual encounters.

According to TIME magazine, the U.S. online adult entertainment industry exceeds revenues of nearly $3 billion annually, which indicates the American population is actively involved in and using online services for a variety of needs: from viewing pictures and watching videos to interacting with porn models through webcam chats.

8 bit sex

8 bit sex


The new wave of online adult industry entertainment involves actual encounters experienced through a virtual connection. People are now able to both see each other and speak to one another. The adult industry has utilized this communication method as a way to “sex up” their typical offerings of just videos, photos, webcam chats or cybersex chat rooms. Many escorts offer virtual encounters to clients who aren’t fully ready to meet in person.

These virtual encounters are often sought out by clients who are shy, confined to their homes (or other locations) or aren’t ready for a physical affair. Many times, clients seek out this type of an escort encounter, because it makes them feel that their wedding vows are kept intact. They feel this type of an encounter is significantly different than meeting an escort face-to-face, because they are not physically engaged in any type of sex act.

Yet, when you get down to brass tacks, any interaction with an escort where any kind of sexual acts is involved may be considered cheating by a partner. Typically, an online encounter with an escort involves arousal, dirty talk, mutual masturbation, satisfaction and orgasm. There is a certain level of physical intimacy that is acquired through an online connection, despite being in separate parts of the world.

Whether or not a virtual encounter with an escort is cheating is up for debate. Clients may need to work this out with their partners. Meanwhile, here are some thoughts on the subject:

It isn’t cheating:

  • Because there is not physical contact during an online session with an escort, it cannot be classified as cheating. Affairs must be in-person for anything physical to occur. An activity with another person that does not involve physical contact of intimate areas is not cheating on a partner.
  • An online session with an escort is really no different than reading erotic literature or watvhing porn. It’s all in your mind. No partner would consider reading an erotic poem a form of cheating, even if followed by arousal and masturbation. Clients who book virtual encounters with escorts are seeking out the same stimulation they receive from porn.
  • Clients can play out their fantasies in a safe environment without cheating. They get to live out a dream to have a sexual encounter with another person without actually touching someone else, and they do not risk contracting any sexually transmitted infections. They are not required to spend time away from home, nor are they seen with someone else. Many clients feel that interacting with an escort through virtual encounters is a safe way to avoid physical affairs they might have otherwise.
  • If you don’t know anything about your escort, it really isn’t cheating. When you book an online session with a virtual escort, you will not know her real name, where she lives or anything else about her. The anonymity of a virtual encounter makes it so distant and impersonal it cannot be considered cheating or a violation of wedding vows.
  • With no physical contact, a client can use the argument that it’s even less serious than going to a strip club and receiving a lap dance. Individuals who go to a strip club and enjoy a lap dance or two engage in physical contact with a dancer. But with a virtual escort, he only engages in visual stimulation.
  • 60% of participants in an online survey felt that cybersex and cyber video sex was not a form of infidelity. Watching someone else while you pleasure yourself is much like watching porn: definitely not infidelity.

It is cheating:

  • Clients who engage in virtual encounters are usually involved in deception. Other than situations where the partner is informed ahead of time, clients often schedule encounters online without the knowledge of their SOs. They hide their communications with an escort and other evidence of the encounters. When you have to hide the evidence of your actions, it’s a pretty good sign that you’re doing something that you think your partner would disapprove of.
  • When an individual engages in any form of sexual activity with another person (whether it’s over the phone or online), it’s cheating. It’s sharing one’s intimate self with another person, when you’ve promised only that side of yourself to your partner. Most online encounters include arousal, masturbation and orgasm – all of which the society allows us to have only with a single desginated partner. Most partners feel that when you share these physical elements of yourself with another person, you are cheating.
  • Partners usually feel that their trust has been violated. When a client sneaks around behind his or her partner’s back to engage in virtual sex, one’s partner will feel betrayed and deceived, which are part of cheating.
  • Clients use resources from their primary relationship for their online encounters. Often, this is money. Other times, a client’s emotions, sexual desire and time is involved in the online encounter experiences. Anytime that someone’s resources are diverted from their primary relationship to a secondary relationship, the S.O. feels cheated.
  • Many clients have more intimate connections with their virtual escorts than they do with their partners. Sexual intimacy is common between a client and an escort in traditional settings when they meet face to face. However, the same levels of sexual intimacy are often reached through online affairs, too. Virtual escorts give clients the opportunities to be themselves sexually, which helps to enhance their comfort and confidence, making the experiences more intimate and genuine. When an online relationship becomes intimate, whether physical contact is included or not, partners may see it as a form of infidelity.
  • Clients often see their virtual relationships and encounters with their escorts as real. They communicate regularly with their escorts, view their pictures and videos often and set up times to meet, much like they would if they were physically together. Conversations are real; sensations during encounters are real; and clients feel that the intimacy reached with an escort is real. Because clients see their encounters as real, it becomes a cheating event.

The cold hard facts remain that anytime a client spends time, virtually or physically, with an escort, there may be room for his or her partner to feel cheated

Arguments may be made that no physical contact was had or that “it didn’t mean anything”, but it’s possible that a partner will simply not understand.

Just like in physical relationships with escorts, partners often feel that their trust has been violated. Partners feel that the bonds of intimacy have been broken or severely damaged, because a portion of time and emotion was directed at somebody else, while they expect all of it.

Clients who seek out virtual pleasure from an escort should take the same precautions that a client who books physical encounters with escorts does. Here are a few quick tips:

  1. Cover your tracks. Unless your partner is a computer whiz, deleting your browser history should help do the trick to avoid getting caught looking at websites your partner wouldn’t approve of. An even safer route is to only engage in your escort pursuits through In Private browsing, which automatically blocks your browser history from tracking your online moves. Additionally, when you use private browsing, your browser address window won’t automatically fill in websites as you type looking for something else. (Many clients have been found out this way!)
  2. Engage in encounters when your spouse isn’t home or expected home soon. Don’t risk your partner walking in on you in a full-blown session with your escort. (Also, avoid booking a session when you think your partner will be asleep: your luck will be that she will wake up and come looking for you.)
  3. Communicate with your virtual escort using a dedicated email account. Your work or personal email account should never be used for adult entertainment enjoyment. It’s too easy for your partner or family members to be looking through your emails and accidentally come across messages to and from your escort.
  4. Use a different credit card to pay your virtual escort. The credit card you use for the household shouldn’t be the one you use to pay for your online encounters. Your spouse or family may look at the credit card statements and find out your little secret. Look for a prepaid or virtual card.
  5. Never call your escort. Your online affair should remain as such – an online one. Carrying over your online affair to another level over the telephone makes it much more serious. If you do decide it’s time you and your escort speak over the phone, don’t do it from your cell phone. Get a prepaid phone and use it to call your escort. There are no bills that can be used to track your calls, nor can your call history give you away. Keep your phone hidden.