Escorts have been subject to judgment and stigmatization by the bulk of society for hundreds of years: people assume they are drug addicts, mentally ill, victims of abuse, immoral offcasts, perverts or a multitude of other stereotypes. However, escorts are just like anybody else: they have families, engage in mainstream activities and shop at the same stores as everyone else.
And, while they are busy being judged by others, they often have their own fair share of assumptions about the very people who are categorizing them. Because you (as an escort) hate to be judged, you might want to reconsider what you think of others around you. Try to avoid these top 10 misjudgments typical escorts are guilty of:
- All clients are the same. Escorts get themselves in trouble by thinking that all of their clients have the same simple motivation. And, while they may all have one ultimate goal in common (intimacy with an escort), each client has a unique set of motivations that causes him to seek out an encounter with a provider. There is always a lot more under the surface than might first be apparent. Some straight-laced, high-level executive types may be the kinkiest clients, while those who seem wild and free will actually be the most conservative. You never know quite what to expect — which is a major reason that screening all prospective bookings is imperative. To ensure your safety, you can’t just assume that a client will be a safe bet. Check him out thoroughly before accepting the encounter. Also, be sure to listen to your clients so you know their expectations of spending time with you. They will all want something different, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.
- Religious people hate escorts. Most self-proclaimed Christians are hypocrites and thus do judge escorts harshly. However, true Christians (they are easy to spot: these people rarely call themselves Christians) tend to be intellectually honest enough to realize that judging is not their job. They actually tend to be much more sensitive to your concerns and issues and worry more about your safety than your soul burning in Hell. Harshly judging people you know to have full faith is just as unfair as it for them to assume things about you. You may not know it, but many of these people may prove to be your greatest allies if you ever need some. They may provide shoulders to cry on, unbiased advice and refuge from other worries when you need it. While it’s common for them to not understand your lifestyle, they will not presume you’re a bad person, simply because of your career choice.
- Law enforcers always suspect you of illegal behavior. Cops have an ungrateful job, not unlike that of hyenas: they prey on the weakest, thus keeping the population healthy. Unless you’re behaving as if you are guilty or as if you don’t know your rights, they shouldn’t have any reason to think that you’re up to something against the law. Escorting is legal. The law states that if you’re trading sexual intercourse for money you are guilty of breaking the law. Charging a client for spending time with you and providing other professional services, such as consulting, stress relief and self-esteem enhancement, you are doing nothing wrong. Being paranoid around police officers or other law enforcement professionals may be normal, but don’t let it get to you. They aren’t out to get you and aren’t looking to pin a crime on you. With that being said, don’t act in such a way that causes them to become suspicious of you or draw attention to yourself.
- Most people have firm opinions about escorts. Unless they’ve been faced with the subject directly, many in the general public haven’t truly formed thoughts about how they view escorts. People who have been confronted with the issue through friends or family members (or discovered that their spouse has been seeing an escort) may have strong opinions both ways about how they feel about you. But, if you think that the person you meet on the bus or a fellow parent at your child’s soccer game immediately despises escorts, you are dead wrong. Most haven’t even thought about the concept or have any reason to in the future. They are ignorant about the topic and are content to stay that way.
- Judgment always comes from people who have never struggled with money or other hardships. It’s pretty easy to assume that the people who are looking down on you from their high horses are from perfect lifestyles and have never battled with any pocketbook problems. It makes you feel better and justified in doing what you’ve got to do in order to earn a decent income. However, the judgment isn’t always from the white, upper class citizens who were born with silver spoons in their mouths. More often than not, the real criticism comes from others who are facing the same challenges and obstacles you are. They feel like you’ve sold yourself out and aren’t afraid to tell you that. They know how hard it is to work all of the time and never be able to have more than two dimes to scrape together or be able to spend leisure time with their families. They may be jealous of your lifestyle, but can’t imagine doing what you do to earn a living. Try to identify with their feelings, instead of butting heads with them. If nothing else, you can agree how hard it is to make it in the world, even if your methods differ greatly.
- Nobody understands your struggle. Making any umbrella statement is wrong. Everybody has stuff going on in their worlds. Making the assumption that everybody else leads a perfect existence is naive and self-centered. Others may have a number of personal struggles in their lives, both the kinds they can talk about to others and some that they must keep to themselves. You are not alone, nor are you unique in the fact that you lead a lifestyle that isn’t traditional. An exotic dancer may be keeping her career a secret. A young actress may be forced to take on lesser roles just to put food on the table, instead of excelling to her potential, like she insinuates to everyone she is doing. A teacher may be a closet alcoholic, but feels she can’t talk to anyone about her troubles. Going into the career, you knew it wouldn’t be easy. You knew you’d have to keep secrets. And, you knew that the job would cause you acceptance issues. Don’t use the excuse that nobody understands how hard your life is as an excuse to wallow in self-pity or denial.
- No worthy partner will ever want you. Many escorts make the mistake of thinking that they can never have a meaningful, romantic relationship, because there is no way that a partner could accept their career choice. And, while the profession does present a definite challenge, it’s not impossible to find a quality partner who accepts you as you are, as an escort or not. Putting up a barrier or carrying around a chip on your shoulder when it comes to dating is more about your own securities than not finding acceptable people to spend time with. Once you get over the feeling that you’ll never find someone who wants you, a whole new world of opportunity may open itself up to you. There are many escorts who are happily married or involved in long-term relationships — it involves honesty and trust. Focusing on these two elements, instead of the obstacles, will help guide you into worthwhile relationships with others.
- Seeking out medical care is humiliating, because health care professionals find escorts disgusting. Doctors, nurses and others in the medical profession see a little bit of everything. They hear the most private stories. They realize that people aren’t perfect and are trained to do their best to avoid judgment and simply provide treatment. Their intentions are to help people, and the last thing they want to do is to discourage anyone from seeking medical attention, especially when they need it. If you’ve got a medical issue going on, especially related to your escorting “duties,” you should not hesitate to pursue professional guidance from a healthcare expert. Allowing them to know you engage in intimate acts with multiple partners may be required to adequately care for you. But, they don’t need to know any further details in order to treat you. Don’t judge all medical workers by your assumptions. Even if they believe that engaging in sex with several partners is morally wrong, they are obligated to refrain from voicing their opinions.
- «You are powerless and have little status in society» Never, ever sell yourself so short as to discount your abilities or influence! Escorts are trusted by some of the most powerful and successful individuals in the nation. They are relied upon for their discretion and expertise in companionship. Because these high-profile clients trust you so much, you have immeasurable power to propel yourself to success. Additionally, few other careers get to hobnob with the elite or share intimate secrets with the wealthiest people in America. Escorts really do exert a huge degree of influence. Often, an escort calms an upset client, helps him find pleasure in a world he doesn’t find very appealing and offers an opportunity to take a break from the stress and pressure of life. Escorts offer unbiased advice and provide insight for real-world decisions. And, you can exert your influence through networking with a very unique set of contacts in order to pursue other dreams you may have.
- Judging others is just like being judged. It’s natural to make assumptions about others — but making firm opinions based on those first-glance impressions is sometimes entirely too judgmental. Anyone can have an off day, so basing your final thoughts on a person using only one chance occurrence is a bit harsh. Additionally, there are several layers to people. Making rash judgments about someone utilizing only what you think you know about them is unfair. And, it will cause you to miss out entirely on what a client may be all about. As an escort, you will come across a LOT of people as you embark upon your career. From clients to jealous spouses and hotel concierges to parking attendants — don’t make your final conclusions about someone without being in their shoes or observing for more than just a few seconds.
All in all, it’s easy to see that escorts may misjudge people or situations, too. Making excuses to make yourself feel better or to keep yourself on the defensive is natural. But, going around with a chip on your shoulder isn’t beneficial. If you really want to be successful, you have to let go of judging others, just as you wish they’d stop passing their acceptance on to you.
Finally, there are three misjudgments you should never make:
- Abuse comes with the business. It is never ok to assume that abuse from clients is acceptable or tolerable. You should never allow a client to abuse you physically or emotionally. Furthermore, you should never think that rape is ok, just because you’re an escort. Society has a way of saying that a woman was “asking for it” with her dress or demeanor. But, you shouldn’t ever come to the conclusion that a client is justified in forcing you to do something you are uncomfortable with or unwilling to engage in, just because you’re an escort. You still deserve the same level of respect and protection as anyone else. Abuse and rape is never acceptable, under any terms. You deserve to feel safe and worthy.
- Judging yourself according to others’ morals is acceptable. In this world, nobody should ever tell you what your morals should include or determine your ethics for you. Allowing yourself to feel like less of a person because you don’t meet someone’s moral criteria is not a positive way to live your life. There will always be people who judge you and think you should do things differently — even when they don’t know you are an escort. Stand up for yourself and live up to your own moral code. It’s the only one that matters.
- Living your life according to the potential seen in you by other people is good enough. No — never! Often, people who are harshly judging escorts rarely see their true qualities. You have amazing abilities, traits and skills that others don’t know about or fail to recognize. Allowing them to determine the level of success you should reach in life is severely limiting your potential for true success, both personally and professionally. People will tell you that you are trash and not worth anything. Don’t buy into their negative criticisms. Know your own self worth and allow it to pull you through.