The choice to become an adult entertainer is usually a very private one made without a lot of input from friends and family members. For many, it’s something they attempt independently, as a trial to see how successful they can be at such an untraditional profession. But, once they are fully engulfed in the career, the dilemma remains about whether they should share their newfound direction in life with others, or to keep it a secret. There are definite pros and cons to each decision, but there may come a time when fessing up to the truth is necessary or called for. When does that occur? Consider the following as signs that it’s time to share the news with others you care for:
- You’re being accused of wrongdoing: It’s hard to believe that you’ve gone from being able to barely pay your bills to affording dinners out, vacations, designer duds and other luxuries. If you’ve moved up in the world, but are still laying claim to an old career choice that wasn’t enabling you financially, it is probably causing a lot of suspicion around your actions. Your friends and family members may suspect you of dabbling in illegal business or doing something else flat-out wrong for the money you seem to have run across. Or, they may fear you are in deep credit card debt. Or, they may think a dozen other things that are fully untrue, all that may mar your reputation. While being an adult entertainer may not thrill your mom, it may relieve her worries that you’ve become a drug dealer or worse. Nip others’ fears that you’re in trouble in the bud and let them know the truth.
- The guilt is tearing you apart: Many people do not like lying to the ones they love. In fact, they hate it so much it causes them a lot of guilt and grief for their wrongdoing. Stress over the lies may manifest itself in several symptoms: headaches, digestion issues, weight gain/loss, emotional turmoil, etc. If lying to others is jumbling you up from the inside out, do something about it. Of course, you know that sharing your career as an adult entertainment provider may cause some turmoil in you and your family’s life. But, it may be worth the trade off of shedding the emotional trauma you are experiencing by keeping it all in. The worry about having to lie to your friends and family can create a lot of pressure. The adult entertainment industry has enough stress of its own; you don’t need to add to your load by feeling upset over not coming clean.
- You need to talk to someone: Being an adult entertainer is, often, a very solitary world. You can feel lost, inside yourself, without any kind of outlet, if you’re not careful. Unlike other professions, you can’t share details of your work shift or experiences you’ve encountered with those around you. It’s not like being able to talk about a rude diner, if you’re a waitress. When you’re a webcam performer, for instance, you can’t easily share about the pervert who was making rude comments during the middle of your show and how upset he made you. Unless you’ve opened up about your career, that information is only for you. It’s pretty common to need to talk about your concerns, your joys and your hopes/dreams/goals. Without being able to share those things, you can be left feeling empty. The need to share your world is an excellent reason to entrust someone with your secret.
- You know you’re going to be exposed: Things happen that cause your lies or truth omissions to come to light. Whether you have been caught in one of your fibs or someone is deliberately trying to “out” you, it’s best to come clean before one of your friends or family members discovers the truth from someone else. It’s true that your loved one may feel deceived, disappointed and a whole series of other emotions. But, betrayal won’t be one of them when they learn directly from you about the secret you’ve been hiding. Will they have trouble trusting you in the future? Possibly, but the dilemma won’t be any better if you allow them to find out from another source. Protect your reputation and your relationship by trusting your friend/family member enough to stop the lies. Regardless of their beliefs, being an adult entertainer is not the worst thing you could ever do in your life.
- You take pride in what you do: What’s worse than loving your job, excelling at it and being unable to share good news about your success? Not much! Adult entertainment providers who are exceptional at their jobs (or, even mediocre, for that matter) deserve to take pride in their careers just as much as someone who is a nurse, a store clerk or truck driver does. When you have to stifle your joy about your professional achievements, it’s a sign that you should trust someone enough to divulge what it is that you do for a living. If you’ve been chosen for a new gig, got an extra great review or gotten an upgrade in your level of performance, regardless of what field you are involved with in the adult entertainment industry, it’s reason for celebration. Celebrating by yourself isn’t much fun… nor, is it much of a celebration. Everyone deserves to share their excitement about an achievement. And, it’s important to have someone to party with who isn’t involved in the industry.
- Share when you know someone is trustworthy: You don’t always have to have a pressing reason to confess your secret. You don’t have to fear being found out or be in desperate need for someone to talk with. Sometimes, just discovering that someone accepts you for who you are is enough. When you realize that a friend or family member loves you unconditionally, it may be time to come clean with your true story. Having faith in that individual to be discreet, knowing that he or she won’t judge you and feeling that opening up communications is the key to building that relationship is reason enough to share your secret. Also, people who earn your trust in other ways deserve to know the truth. This is especially true when they open their closes and allow their skeletons to fall out with you. When they trust you enough to share their deep, dark secrets, it’s a sure sign that you can trust them with yours.
- Truth is the way to intimacy: If you’re entering into a relationship, especially a romantic one, you’re going to have to come clean with what you do for a living eventually. It’s pretty reasonable to know that, at some point, the secret is going to be revealed. Your significant other is going to find out what you do as an adult entertainer. It’s entirely up to you whether you bring the information up at the beginning of your intimacy. But, keep in mind, if you wait until later to share the truth, it might be cause for the relationship to end. Your lover might feel betrayed, lied to and unable to accept your career choice. However, if you share the information ahead of time, it might save you some real heartbreak, in the long run. Before getting fully involved, your significant other can make the choice to stay or go, based on the news you share about your career. If you’re not fully invested in the relationship, it might hurt less if he leaves. AND — if he stays, it’s a much stronger foundation to build trust and intimacy upon.
- You need to start rebuilding a relationship that is wrecked by being “outed:” There are times that your friends or family members will discover the truth on their own or through other sources. Whether it was a deliberate investigation or an accidental finding, it will still hurt them tremendously that you didn’t trust them enough to come clean with the truth. At this time, it’s imperative that you drop whatever facade you’ve been trying to carry off and tell every morsel of truth you can. Rectify the situation by explaining why you didn’t share your secret, tell which lies were cover ups and offer to let them ask questions about your career. A relationship that is rocked by betrayal and lack of trust is difficult to repair. But, if you desire to fix it, you’re going to have to offer the truth up on a silver platter, whether it’s pretty or gritty.
- You just don’t care anymore: After trying to please everyone to the point of never making yourself happy, there comes a point where you just don’t care any longer. The general opinion people have of you is not a concern any longer. You may have attempted to be what you thought everyone wanted you to be, to still discover that they weren’t impressed or satisfied with the results. It’s pretty common to get tired of the whole fiasco and approach the situation with a “screw it” type attitude. When you get to this level of frustration, it’s pretty common to share every dirty little secret, perverse detail and bit of truth that may or may not be required to divulge the secret that you’re an adult service provider. When you get this fed up, be weary of giving out too many details. Some of the gritty things you know don’t need to be told to share your secret. Use a little discretion as you give others the full picture, even though you are at the brink of not caring anymore at all.
- You can’t keep up with the facade any longer: Lie after lie after lie are required to cover up for the first lies. It’s pretty easy to come up with a reasonable cover story, in the beginning. But, as time wears on, and people ask questions, it’s increasingly difficult to keep the fantasy moving along. You have to continue fabricating stories to make your facade seem real. It’s exhausting! When you just can’t keep up with it anymore, it’s time to ditch it and come clean. Prep your friends and family members with an apology, up front, and then launch into your story, being sure to conclude it with an explanation about why you wanted to shield them from the truth in the first place.
- You want to hurt your friends less: Lies can damage a relationship more than any other behavior. Betrayal and distrust create a wedge between people that apologies may not be able to fix. Once you realize that you’re going to injure your friendships more by telling lies, it may become a priority to you to never attempt to cover up, again. Telling the truth about your profession in the adult entertainment industry is an easy way to avoid people feeling like they can’t trust what you say or tell them. While they may or may not like your career choice, at least they won’t be troubled by the fact they feel you were dishonest with them.
- You realize that others CAN handle the truth: One of the biggest reasons to keep your profession in the adult industry a secret is that you’re afraid others can’t handle the truth. You’re afraid of abandonment. You’re afraid of their judgment. You’re afraid of what they will say. But, surprisingly, if they really care for you, they can handle what you need to tell them. Do they want to know every dirty detail of what you do for a living? Probably not. But, do they deserve to know the truth? Absolutely. Give people in your life credit for being able to accept and offer love, despite their opinions or beliefs differing from yours.
- Tax time: When you file your taxes, you HAVE to come clean about your career. Do you have to inform your accountant what you do, exactly, for a living? Of course, not! But, you can’t claim that you’re unemployed and fail to issue any kind of income. Keep your receipts, report your earnings and pay taxes, just like the good citizen you are. Keep yourself walking the straight and narrow, avoid run-ins with the law and be truthful on all fronts about your career.
Being truthful sounds like it has a lot of advantages for many situations. And, while it does, there are other issues that can manifest themselves when you share with the world details about your profession. When you let others know you are an adult entertainer, you put others associated with you under the microscope for scrutiny, just by their association with you. If the world is informed of your career, society may judge your children, siblings, friends, parents and other loved ones. Be careful how you divulge the truth and with whom you share your story. Protect the ones you love, but embrace their relationships with you, too.